Daring Young Mom

Little Mirrors

Posted on May 2, 2008 by The Daring One

Sometimes I think my kids are a lot like people. [read more at parenting.com]

Posted in parenting | 3 Comments

We Don’t Put Meat in Our Pockets

Posted on April 30, 2008 by The Daring One

Last week I found myself having the following conversation with Magoo:

Me: NO. We don’t put meat in our pockets!
Magoo: Oh. Hmm. We don’t put meat at our pock-ets?
Me: NO. Meat only goes in our mouths or on our plates.
Magoo [still holding the lunch meat an inch from his jeans]: I can save it?
Me: Not in your pocket.
Magoo: Okay.

Sometimes we SMELL like we put meat in our pockets… or onions… or rubbed onions under our arms. Those are the days that we return our natural deodorant to Whole Foods for a refund because if we’re gonna spend $5 for a quality aluminum-free deodorant, we’re gonna be sure we don’t stink.

I handed the deodorant to the man at the service desk yesterday and told him I was returning it because it didn’t work. He asked me if it had been opened.

“Yes,” I said slowly, “I did open it. I even put it on. After a couple of days I started putting it on twice a day. No luck.”

He gave me a funny look.

“My friends and acquaintances would all appreciate it if you’d give me a refund so I could find something that works.”

I will never feel embarrassed returning an unwanted Pyrex dish to Target again.

Posted in blick, food, kid stuff, poser in granolaville | 21 Comments

Roly Poly Love

Posted on April 29, 2008 by The Daring One

This afternoon Laylee began a parental love affair with a roly poly pill bug she found under a log in the back yard. She “saved” him, brought him tenderly inside and showed me how CUTE he was. Ay, Lassie. He was the cutest roly poly that ever I did see.

She carried him around all afternoon, chattering away to him, singing and teaching him tricks. They played games, wherein she chased him across the carpet with a plastic cup trying to capture him. If he ended up under the cup, she won. If he made it out before the cup came down, he won. I think that if the cup came down and he was half-way in and halfway out, everyone would have lost but luckily that didn’t happen.

She told me she was training him. Apparently he would stop when she yelled “stop” and go when she yelled “go.” He was obedient because she loved him and she yelled because he had small ears. She told me that he was her best friend.

At some point in the afternoon her yelling became louder as she frantically searched the family room looking for her crawly friend. “Roly Poly! I love you! Where are you?”

He was nowhere to be found. As she cried, she told me that she had last seen him in the small plastic car she was giving him a ride in. She’d left the room for just a moment and when she came back he was gone. I hobbled around on my crutches and helped her search but apparently did not show adequate emotion and she cried in despair and said, “MOM! I’m as sad from losing him as you’d be if you lost me.”

I told her that I didn’t think that was the case but I knew she really loved him and then I had a brilliant idea, “I bet I know where he is. I bet he wanted to get back to his home. You should go out and look in that rotting log where you originally found him and I bet he’s right back there, hanging out with his friends.”

Apparently she’d disturbed the log to the point that he and all his friends had gone into hiding but I feel confident that they’ll be back and she can reclaim her baby… or another one just like him, a deaf little ball of slime that’s very obedient to 5-year-olds and loves riding around in plastic cars. In the meantime, I’ll be looking very carefully inside my shoes before I step inside them.

Posted in kid stuff | 11 Comments

Gimpish in Seattle

Posted on April 28, 2008 by The Daring One

Icannotstaywell! Icannotstaywell! If my body is cooperating and healing from my many seasonal plagues, I must sabotage it in some way. Today was a MODEL day. I drove Dan to work and Laylee to preschool. I watched two of my friends’ kids while baking bread and starting some seeds sprouting. I cleaned my kitchen, did some laundry and spent a couple of hours working in my garden.

I barely even took a minute to IM Dan and brag about my great goodliness as a domestic diva.

When my arm muscles were completely finished gardening, I decided to mow the lawn or at least pull the starter cord on the mower a few times until I flooded the engine so I could tell Dan I’d tried. In order to mow the lawn, I needed to harvest it for plastic toys and move the giant yard waste bin around to the front of the house.

No problem. I employed my little slaves doing the harvest and started lugging the 100lb+ yard waste container out of the way. Half way around the house it jumped on a rock as I yanked it forward and came down hard on my Achilles tendon. My word! The PAIN!

It bruised and swelled up and I had to send Laylee next door to ask my neighbor to help me into the house. While Neighbor1 was homeopathing me and helping me make a doctor’s appointment, Neighbor2 dropped everything and ran over to watch the kids so Neighbor1 could drive me to the doctor. Neighbor1 bought me ice cream on the way back from the doctor and picked up some pizza so my kids wouldn’t starve. Don’t you want to come live on my block?! These ladies are out of control awesome.

Long story short — I’m on crutches and unable to put any weight on my left foot. Well, right now I’m sitting on the couch with my laptop keeping me warm and my foot elevated but I have to use the crutches to get around if I so choose.

Honestly, the most annoying thing is not the pain or the fact that I’m slow getting around. The most annoying thing is that I can’t pick up anything and carry it with me. I’m a major CAYGer (Clean as You Go) and I’m used to always walking from one room to the next with an item to put away. Not today. Tonight I tidied up the toys by crawling and scooting around on the floor while nagging my children. They were actually quite sweet and helpful to me all day, kisses for my foot, purple pansies decorating my shoes.

Any tips for getting around better with crutches or being able to carry things at the same time, besides in my mouth? I’m finding that certain of my belongings do not lend themselves well to being transported orally.

Posted in Random | 31 Comments

Not Even Recycled

Posted on April 27, 2008 by The Daring One

I have sad news friends. After less than 7 years of marriage I have parted ways with my wedding bands.

I came home from my trip and found that my purse was absolutely crammed with dirt, crumbs and mysterious chunks of mystery. I removed all the non-trash items and shook the bag vigorously over the trash can to remove the rest of the grime.

Then this Friday I realized my fingers had un-swole after returning to the Pacific North West. For some reason the always swell up like melons when we go visit family in Utah. So I went to get my wedding bands out of the zipper compartment of my purse and found it unzipped and empty.

Suddenly I remembered that over a week ago I had dumped all the “trash” out into the garbage can. I’m 99% sure the rings went with it. So off they go to a landfill somewhere. Two more pieces of metal that will never be recycled.

I’m sick about the loss but Dan says, “Everyone makes mistakes.” Marrying him was not one of them.

Posted in all about me, he's so fine he blows my mind, not feelin' the funny, save me from myself, wardrobe malfunctions | 53 Comments