Daring Young Mom

A Cup of Pooh, A Box of Snails and a Pack of Bubble-Yum

Posted on June 14, 2007 by The Daring One

This is what’s become of my kitchen counters. Is it sick that this sight fills me with glee? Don’t answer that. I have a kid, a real kid. No baby girls here no more.

Sure she still has a few mispronunciations. She says “baft-yobe” for “bathrobe” or “yobe” for short. She also does funny things with singular and plural. Recently she pulled an “ear-wack” out of her ear. There was only one and we all know “wax” is plural. Our friend Mr Burns is known to Laylee as “The Burn” because we say “The Burns” when we’re talking about the whole family.

Today The Burn went frolicking with Laylee in the fountains outside Megacorp. We had just stopped in to check the progress on the recently reinstalled grassy knoll around the undulating sculpture and to score some chocolate milk.

Laylee asked me if we could drive to the place where the sky and clouds come down and stick to the ground. I started to tell her there was no such place and explain how the horizon always keeps moving no matter how much closer you get to it. Then I stopped and told her I’d never been there and maybe we could go sometime together. I then decided to make my fortune writing greeting cards.

She said that next time we’re on an airplane we could ask “the man” if he would open the window. Then we could scoop up some of the clouds and put them on our laps. When I asked her what we would do with the clouds, she told me she would shove them in her bug house to make a soft bed for her snails.

In Old Navy, she started dancing spontaneously and looks well on her way to becoming quite a fine breaker:

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Today I told Jeana the reason I’m having trouble feeling the urge to blog lately and she said, “I could not be more surprised if you told me the reason you were in a slump was because you were spending so much time reading Kevin Federline’s blog.” Personally I find it interesting that Jeana knows about his blog and I would prefer that she referred to him more respectfully as K-Fed next time she decides she would like to “git” all up in my grill about him.

Later on I narrated the entire Nutcracker from memory so Laylee would know which character to dance like. I made soup for dinner, scored some free dining chairs, fed a snail, convinced Magoo that he prefers edamame to pizza, saved my Riverside Shakespeare from certain death, and asked a sales associate whether this was a “dress” or a skirt for members of the WNBA. Who knew they liked to shop at Old Navy?

My life is full.

My Days Roll By Like So Many Mint Oreos

Posted on June 12, 2007 by The Daring One

And I ask myself, “Where did they all go?”

Posted in save me from myself | 16 Comments

Tip Tuesday — Birthday Parties

Posted on June 12, 2007 by The Daring One

”˜Tis the time of summer. Lots of people have birthdays in the summer. I think most of them are first or only children because after a mother’s had one third trimester during the hottest part of the year, she likely learns to… ahem… time things a little better the next time around.

Anywho, many of you are likely planning birthday parties for your small comrades and I think the rest of us should help you out. Today is a day of tips. I will describe 2 birthday parties and invite you to share your ideas too.

1. Faerie Mania — This was a spring party for us but I think it could have been even more funnerer in the summer. Laylee only invited 4 friends because she was turning 4 and also to limit the intake of stuff into our house. The girls were asked to come dressed up in faerie clothes (Princess attire would do in a pinch.). As they arrived, I put wings on those who were unwinged and took their pictures in front of this startlingly realistic woodland backdrop. I read them a book of faerie “FACTS” and crossed my fingers that their parents weren’t anti-Santa-Claus-ites who would take exception to their mythical indoctrination. Faeries are most likely to be found in forests or living in flowers. Each flower is home to a faerie. If you look really hard, you can see them. If you can’t see them, you’re not looking hard enough or are possibly a very naughty little girl who needs to stop picking on her little brother and start brushing her molars more vigorously.
We then printed out their faerie pictures, pasted them onto foam frames and let the girls decorate them with glitter. If the glitter got on their hands, clothes, or up their nostrils, we applauded them for their new improved glittery faerie-like appearances.

We hunted for “faerie money” which was actually stale chocolate coins with menorahs and Hebrew words on them, clearance priced as a post-Hanukah special. Luckily none of the girls could read Hebrew.

The girls planted faerie garden seeds in paper cups and used twigs and branches from the back yard to build small camouflaged houses for lazy faerie squatters to inhabit.

We made them curly ribbon crowns.

No gift bags were given but the girls went home with Hanukah coins, glittery self-portraits, cups of dirt, bundles of yard waste, gift wrapped noggins and imaginations filled with impossible stories. They rejoiced. The entire party cost $30 including food and very little prep time.

Click here for more great faerie party ideas.

2. Magoo’s Fantasy Fire Station Extravaganza — I like my new neighbors for many reasons but mostly because they invited us to their son’s birthday party this weekend and it almost made Magoo’s head explode… in a good way.

The theme was fire trucks.

The party began with a tour of the fire station, which contains FIRE TRUCKS!!!!!, FIRE BOATS, and MO MO FIRE TRUCKS!!!!!!

All the kids got cheap plastic fire hats, which Magoo held onto with both hands. This was smart thinking because it threatened to fall off every time he would get a glimpse of a MO MO FIRE TRUCK, gasp, tremble with maniacal ecstasy, and YELL.

The tour included a chance to walk through an ambulance and the cab of a fire engine. A fire fighter even put on all his gear and shook the kids’ hands while talking like Darth Vader through his helmet. Each child was given a station trading card with a picture of a FIRE TRUCK!!!

I won’t even start to describe the spread of food that followed back at the ranch because I don’t want you all stalking my neighbor and therefore coming a little too close to stalking me but let’s just say it was amazing.

If I were in charge of the party, there would be the station, chips and dogs back at my place and possibly some sort of activity involving a race to see if the kids could stop drop and roll before I sprayed them down with the hose or extinguisher. Good times.

How would you party this summer?

Posted in fun, fun, fun, kid stuff, tip tuesday | 16 Comments

Attention Target Shoppers

Posted on June 10, 2007 by The Daring One

Thank you so much for all the heartwarming smiles you gave me as I walked through the store on Saturday. I was wearing makeup, cute shoes and an “outfit” and walking with an unmistakable mom-on-the-loose-for-the-weekend swagger. Your grins only confirmed my perception of my own hot-ishness.

I plan to drop-kick you all later.

Because the cute elderly checker at Barnes and Noble was kind, helpful but also honest. When I walked up to the counter and plunked down my copy of A Girl Named Zippy, she smiled, told me how much she liked the book and informed me that my zipper was gaping open.

Yes friends. If you think it would have been embarrassing to tell me to XYZ at Target, just imagine how I felt an hour later when the sweet lady laughed and said, “I just had to tell you. With the title of the book and your zipper open like that, it just really caught my attention.”

Seeing as I’m not currently pregnant and therefore don’t frequent public restrooms for the fun of it, I know that I had been flying low throughout all of my errands. Suddenly your smiles seem more sinister and my hotness a little less secure. At least that lady will think fondly of me every time she passes a copy of Zippy in the stacks.

She’s probably blogging it right now.

Posted in all about me, around town, fashion, shopping, wardrobe malfunctions | 28 Comments

Lessons From Harriet Carter — Part 3

Posted on June 10, 2007 by The Daring One

And now for week 3 of The Series:

If you don’t have enough pet hair on your couch, you can get it in just 3 easy steps.

Doggy Stepsâ„¢

Why waste another day worrying about that ugly septic pipe in your yard when you could spend your time looking at an ugly fake plastic tree stump? (includes lifelike 2-inch squirrels and raccoons.)

“Hide-a-pipe tree stump makes unsightly above-ground septic pipes disappear.” (I really think they could have used an exclamation point here, but what do I know?! I’m not the magician.)

It’s too late for me to invent a fork with razor sharp edges. The Knork is already a life-threatening registered trademark.

“When is a fork a knife? When it’s a KnorkÂ®! Clever design gives this fork a cutting edge along its beveled outside tines.”

Protecting your valuable furniture is never out of style.

“See-Thru Furniture Covers
protect your beautiful chairs and sofas. Heavy duty, stitched slipcovers are contoured to fit all arm chairs. They slip on and off in a snap to keep out dust, dirt, spills, bugs. Will last for years.” (For years? Oh goody!)

You can save space by installing a large metal device on your wall to crush cans. I’ve always preferred crushing cans on my forehead or with a swift flick and stomp movement, but then I know nothing about saving space. Apparently it can also be screwed directly into your table.