If the Right Engine Goes First, All Passengers Shift to the Left Side of the Cabin in an Orderly Crossing Pattern

matchingSo, I’m on the plane, alone except for the totally cute non-couple sitting next to me… and all the other people on this completely full 2-hour-delayed flight from Seattle to San Jose. The couple next to me are wearing matching outfits, which they swear was not planned, neither are they a couple. Hmmm… Who goes on a trip, wearing khaki shorts and black t-shirts without a little advanced planning? When I say they’re not a couple, I know what I’m talking about because they quizzed me on it.

When I sat down, eavesdropped and then burst into their conversation, where they “realized” they were looking like twinners, they asked me to guess if they were related, a “couple” or what their relationship was. I guessed couple. They say “just friends” but they’re going to a garlic festival together this weekend and we all know how an experience like that can change people.

We are convinced (I can say “we” because I am also wearing khaki pants and have a black dress packed in my bag so I’m so totally part of the group now.) that our flight crew fully expects this flight to end in tragedy.

I have never heard a more detailed pre-flight safety presentation in my life. Flotation devices were demonstrated fully, along with instruction on how to partially inflate them if we were to make a water landing but were unable to escape through the standard exists for some reason so we would be able to fit through the windows, after which we should proceed to fully inflate the devices. Let’s just say that if I’ve gotta evacuate this booty out one of those airplane windows, there’s gonna be more than a life vest that needs deflating. They offered no contingency plan for this. Several contingencies were covered and the more detailed it got, the more it began to sound like the flight crew had just a little too much experience with crash water landings.

So, if I make it to California alive, I have officially been invited to a garlic festival by two hilarious people who say “This is the best part” when the engines fire up for take-off and “Engage” as the plane lifts off the ground. Star Trek quotes are fully acceptable when you’re sitting next to someone on their way to a “blogging conference”.

Heard over the intercom as we taxied prior to take-off — “Please keep your seatbelts fastened as we are about to experience a rapid drop in altitude”… Are we traveling to California via underground tunnel? I’m not saying it hasn’t been done before but to my knowledge this is the first time it has been accomplished in a 747.

Update: I have already met several amazing women whom I look up to. Chris has been wonderful and fun to hang out with and within less than an hour of arriving in California, I was able to meet Alice. She is amazingly sweet and down-to-earth. I spent a good portion of the morning stalking Mir. The more I meet these women, the more I want to read what they have to say.

Posted in all about me, Blogging | 15 Comments

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn

And I grow in excitement for my first sollow plane trip in 4 years.

I’ll probably be checking in over the weekend so if you care to hear about my solo-adventures, please stop over for a visit. I’ll let you in on all the blogging secrets that will change our lives forever. 😉

Next week I’ll be back with a timeline for the book discussion.

Blog out!

Posted in Blogging, bookclub, tree grows in brooklyn | 13 Comments

Tip Tuesday – Small Talk

Being as I’m surrounded by short people all day, you’d think I’d be really good at “small talk” by now. Truth be told, what I’m actually good at is talking to small people. The other day, I actually asked one of my adult friends if she had to go potty.

Hoping not to make the same type of faux pas at BlogHer this weekend or actually ever again in adult company, I’d love advice on making small talk with strangers or new friends. How do you keep the conversation going? What are some great one-liners to pull out when you have nothing supercalifragilisticexpialidociously wonderful to say?

Here are a few tips for spicing up the usual dinner party conversation:

Instead of — “So, do you have any kids?”
Try catching them off-guard — “Dead chickens’ ghosts are haunting my new house. Do you have any thoughts on how I could wrangle them into the crawl space?”

Instead of — “You look really great tonight!”
Try personalizing the compliment — “You look so much better in person. South Beach Diet? Am I right or am I right or am I right? Right. Right. Right. Bing!”

Instead of — “You’re from Michigan? Do you know Amanda?”
Try drawing it out a little. The “do you know” game is always such a big hit. — “You’re from Michigan? I love Michigan! Start listing every person you know from there and I’ll tell you if they were my cousin’s ex-girlfriend’s college roommate or not. [wait for name] Nope. [wait for name] Nope. [wait for name] Nope”… hours and hours of fun

Instead of — “I’m Kathryn. Nice to meet you.”
Try to work on building an audience as well as a new friendship — “I’m Kathryn, the Daring Young Mom of dub dub dub dot daring young mom dot com, a hilarious little blog about this and that, my kids, yadda yadda page views per day. Nice to meet you.”

Instead of — “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you. I’m a big fan of your work.”
Try to let them know just how much you enjoy their work — “I’m so glad I finally get to meet you. It feels like I’ve been living on your green leather sofa for months and months, right next to you, typing on your laptop, the iBook you just bought. That was such a good choice. I told you that, remember? Commenter #167. Good comment, right? I got like three hits off that comment. I looked up your address online but I’ve been too shy to send you anything? Can I send you anything? Or would that be weird?”

Okay now, what have you guys got for me?

Posted in tip tuesday | 24 Comments

Apples, Brats, and an iPod

This post originally appeared on The Parenting Post on July 24, 2006.

They say “the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” and there are days when that thought scares me just a bit.

Actual cell phone conversation dramatically transcribed for your enjoyment…from memory…three days later:

[Standing in front of the iPod display at Target]

Me: I came to Target to get some ear buds.

Dan: Okay.

Me: I’m in the electronics section.

Dan: [silence]

Me: [silence except for the kids making motorboat noises in the cart]

Dan: Okay.

Me: I thought I would look for a cheap, like disposable-cheap, MP3 player. You know how they had those the day after Thanksgiving?

Dan: Uh-huh.

Me: They don’t really have any of those today.

Dan: Uh-huh.

Me: They have iPods. Remember how I want an iPod Nano but we can so not afford one right now but I said I didn’t like the Shuffle because it was lame?

Dan: Uh-huh.

Me: It may be lame but it’s only $70 and that doesn’t seem like much since we spent that amount buying garage floor cleaner last week that didn’t even work and we spend that much buying useless widgets and scrub brushes at Home Depot practically every day since we bought the house.

Dan: Uh-huh.

Me: I’ve worked out 3 days in a row. It gets so boring without tunes.

Dan: Would it be way too geeky to take a portable CD player with you to the gym?

Me: Yes.

Dan: Okay.

Me: That would be like carrying a ghetto-blaster on my shoulder when I ride the bus.

Dan: [laughing the I-can’t-believe-you-just-called-it-a-ghetto-blaster-and-since-when-do-you-ride-the-bus? laugh]

Me: I’m not asking you to tell me to buy it. I know we don’t have the money and I really want the other more expensive one anyway so I’d never be happy even though this one would be really nice right now.

Dan: Uh-huh.

Me: I just want it.

Dan: Uh-huh.

Me: [silence-ish]

Dan: [silence]

Me: [silence-ish]

Dan: [silence]

Me: [silence-ish]

Dan: [silence]

Me: I just really kind of want it.

Dan: Some guys just came in and I need to help them with something.

Me: Yeah, you should work.

Dan: Yeah.

Me: I just want it, you know?

And I hang my head in shame remembering that the little sponges in the big red cart witnessed all of this. I have worked really hard to teach them the difference between needs and wants.

Finding a potty when “it’s coming, it’s coming, aaahhhh” = need.

Finding an electric pony when you just really feel like a good ride = want.

Bread, peanut butter, and ketchup-sauce to render any food edible = need.

Fruit snacks, cereal, and filet-mignon shaped like the left earlobe of your favorite Disney princess = want.

I really want/need the kids to grow up to be people who do not feel fulfilled by stuff, who don’t buy in to the get-it-now culture that constantly bombards them. I want them to live free of pressure to be like the “cool” kids and always have the latest toys and games, to know that their real worth comes from who they are and how they treat other people. As adults, I want them to be responsible with money and free from excessive debt.

What does it show them when I stand like a brat whining and drooling in front of an item I don’t need and can’t afford? The truth is, we’re so freshly signed to this new mortgage that we really don’t know what we can or cannot afford and we’re spending money like crazy trying to get the house fixed up so we can live in it comfortably. Today is not the day for the buying of the iPod.

Now I know this. If I did not know this, I would have purchased the iPod instead of having a 10 minute conversation with Dan about it, wherein I tried to trick him into pressuring me into buying it so I had no choice but to cave in and indulge.

I’m sort of hoping the guy at my gym who drives the Beemer with the vanity plates that say something redundant like THS CAR IZ XPENSIV will see me on the elliptical trainer with my ghetto-blaster on my shoulder, take pity and decide to buy me an iPod next month instead of paying to renew his plates.

Blog out! I’ve gotta go make me a mix tape.

Posted in all about me, aspirations, money, save me from myself | Comments Off on Apples, Brats, and an iPod

It’s Monday

Most days we have a conversation like this at least twice.

Laylee: What day is it today?
Me: It’s Monday.
Laylee: But what is it TO DO?

I’ll tell you what it’s to do. From now on, Monday is to check out my new blog over at Parenting.com. Please head on over there and check out my new weekly project.

Daring Young Mom readers get a sneak peak of the blog that officially launches this coming Wednesday. Please show the love by going over and checking it out. Four other bloggers join me for what should be a fun weekly read.

In other news, the fun, lovely and talented Chris from Notes From the Trenches, the blog formerly known as The Big Yellow House, has launched a new blog at www.inthetrenchesofmotherhood.com where she talks about the joys and complications of raising seven children. More of Chris can only be a good thing so go take a look, every day, for the rest of your life.

Posted in Blogging | 13 Comments

Books, Books, Books

This fabulous post by Dandelion Mama reminded me that I was going to invite you all to read a book with me this summer. The summer is still scorching hot (It was 107 degrees in Karli’s backyard last week and don’t ask me if I’m wearing clothes right now.) but it’s almost over so we’d better get cracking.

Remember when I asked everyone for their favorite book of all time or at least their favorite book at the moment? I’ve made a comprehensive list of them here.

From that list, I selected several books we could choose from to read together during the month of August. And here they are in no particular (besides alphabetical) order:

The Blue Sword — Robin McKinley
A Circle of Quiet — Madeleine L’Engle
Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister — Gregory Maguire
The English Patient — Michael Ondaatje
Freak the Mighty — Rodman Philbrick
Hold On To Your Kids — Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Maté
The Known World — Edward P. Jones
The Ladies Auxiliary — Tova Mirvis
Lonesome Dove — Larry McMurtry
Obasan — Joy Kogawa
Secret Life of Bees — Sue Monk Kidd
The Time Traveler’s Wife — Audrey Niffenegger
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn — Betty Smith
A Walk in the Woods — Bill Bryson
Watership Down — Richard Adams

Click here to vote (You don’t have to sign up for anything. Just close the window when you’re done.) for the one you’d be most interested in reading and discussing. Also, please look over the big list of DYM readers’ favorites and leave a comment on this post if you have any fabulous books you’d like to add.

I’m about to embark on my first solo travel in over 4 years and am giddy with glee. Even harder than deciding what to wear is deciding what to read on the trip. I’ll leave the voting open until Wednesday morning at 10:00am PST so I can get the book in time to read at the airport.

Posted in bookclub, tree grows in brooklyn | 18 Comments