Biggest Loser – EXPOSED

It has come to my attention that the entire Biggest Loser franchise, Jillian Michaels specifically, is not working to help overweight Americans but rather attempting to kill fat people.

I started watching last season when Dan was working a billion hours and there was nothing on TV Tuesday nights and heaven forbid I do anything productive after 8 o’clock at night. I was inspired by the alleged “transformations” of the “contestants.” I even softened my stone-cold veneer for a few moments and cried once or twice…
every episode… for the whole season.

Now I’m somewhat fluffy myself and after watching several episodes while chowing down on my favorite snack foods, the propaganda started working on me. I thought, “I could do that [snarf, snarf, crunch crunch gobble gobble]. They’re so inspir[munch munch]ing! If she could lose that much weight, I could totally [swallow gulp gulp] shed the pounds I have to lose and tone up like a swimsuit model.”

Am I the only one who can’t stop eating while they watch that show?

So I bought the Biggest Loser Fitness Plan book, which was approximately as uncomfortable as purchasing my first box of tampons. You know if someone sees you buying feminine hygiene products they might know you’re a… a… a girl and if you buy a BIGGEST LOSER book, they might suspect you of being overweight because I’m sure they couldn’t tell by the pinchable pudge of your too-loveable-for-a-person-over-the-age-of-2 cheeks.

After doing the workout one time yesterday, I’ve finally figured out their master plot.

It’s true that the producers want to decrease the number of overweight Americans. They plan to accomplish this by convincing us to try the diet and exercise routines, effectually picking us off one by one like puffer fish in a barrel when we can no longer raise our arms or effectively move our legs.

It seems fairly obvious to me at this point that the so called “contestants” are really just smoking hot athlete/models in remarkable stage makeup for a show that is to weight loss what the WWF is to real wrestling. No real pinchable overweight person can live through these workouts.

~Kathryn Thompson~

This entry was posted in all about me, aspirations, save me from myself, television, weight loss, world domination. Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Biggest Loser – EXPOSED

  1. Deanna says:

    Too funny! I do believe that’s what’s going on! Of course, I don’t watch the show…but…if you say so! lol Great post! Love poppin’ in and seeing what you’re up to. Have a wonderful day!

  2. Jessica says:

    I eat the ENTIRE time I watch that show. I too have been inspired to loose weight, but I agree…death or comatosed was not the plan I had for weight loss.

  3. meems says:

    I eat like crazy when I watch Biggest Loser. I keep thinking, “These guys are such an inspiration! I am so going to start a diet just as soon as I see who wins this thing!”

  4. Lori says:

    Where is this book located? And how much did it cost?

  5. Lessa says:

    hahahahahha! I’m so with ya there!

  6. MaryLu says:

    I think it might me akin to sitting on the couch and watching aerobics videos while downing an entire bag of popcorn, oh, I wouldn’t do that would I?

  7. MaryLu says:

    I meant to say, It might BE akin, not it might me. Duh, see the aerobics-watching is getting to me, too much activity!

  8. Barbara says:

    Haha! I found your blog when I was surfing and this cracked me up. I LOVE the Biggest Loser. As in, I record it weekly, cry when I see the results, and eat my delicious Reese’s while I wish I was tough enough to work that hard.

  9. That so true about the tampons! I think the same thing about people not telling how much they weight because you seriously can’t tell by looking at someone that they are thin or fat!

  10. Cheryl says:

    Haha! I watch faithfully, feel inspired, and then it disappears (the inspiration) by the next day. Luckily, I have hubby who helps me stay motivated…

  11. Wendy says:

    This is so funny you mention BL because I felt that my “take-away” from the show (this is the first season I’ve watched) is that I don’t work out nearly hard enough when I go to the gym! But I haven’t been to the gym since this season started either….. They make it look kind of scary.

  12. Carrie says:

    LOL- I made our weekly not healthy dinner on Tuesday night, then realized BL was on. So hubby and I sat down to watch BL while eating steak and french fries.

    I’ve discovered that my beloved is the worst person to watch BL with though, as he only weighs 125 pounds. So annoying.

  13. Pam in Utah says:

    Just remember to work into the exercise routine gradually, or you may even damage something (torn tendons, muscles, inflamed joints, etc.) and make it harder to exercise. Exercise is important, but constistancy and getting that appetite under control is big. I don’t think they have that appetite regulation adjustment down very well. When you just have yourself working on it, and not the entire continental US watching, there is less incentive to feel completely awful 24/7 to produce results. I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way. Hope someone figures out the appetite control thing soon. Not a funny post, but I am going out the door to swim for an hour! 🙂 Good luck you you, DYM!

  14. jk2boys says:

    I have found very little on tv worth watching…there’s a lot of garbage and scariness. But BL is mostly fun to watch, I too tend to eat when I watch, and I admit I have cried a time or two or three…Anyway, I do like the show, just not the screaming drama parts, and I HATE the fact that they can’t see or talk to their kids/family during the show. Some of them have very little kids and 4 months is a VERY long time to be away from your kids. They should not be on the show.
    Oh, on a “lighter” note, I started exercising Jan. 2nd, 2008.
    And thanks for telling me about the BL exercise book, I hadn’t heard.

  15. jk2boys says:

    Oh, and I too worry about killing myself by working out too hard. I mean, it’s not good when you can’t breathe, right?

  16. Jen says:

    *snicker* I’m totally gonna blog our “walking adventure” today…but I might do it tomorrow when I can stop rubbing my poor little legs. I’m right there with ya sister.

  17. Caryn says:

    I think you have a point there. Ever notice how many dieting sites and articles are illustrated by photos of what not to eat instead of what TO eat? Hard to sell magazines based on the drool factor of a plain baked potato or a salad with vinaigrette.

  18. Sarah says:

    I heard that they dehydrate and feed the contestants nothing but jello while one the show and that most end up gaining most of their weight back because they can’t hack the jello diet in the real world.

  19. DYD says:

    “puffer fish in a barrel”?


    *keels over laughing*

  20. Yes, we eat the entire time as well and then roll right into bed. “I wonder [snarf, snarf] why I’m having [crunch, munch] so much trouble losing my last 10 [erp.] pounds!? I eat way less [gulp, chug] than that!” What’s in the book?!

  21. Natalie says:

    LOL! You crack me up! I love that show. I started off last season with great intentions, I would walk the treadmill during the show and run during the commercials. I even lost 10 pounds in the first month, but somehow by the end of the season I was munching my way though the show! LOL! But now I want to see that book!

  22. zenmomma says:

    I just recently started watching this show. Damn writer’s strike! The only thing I’m certain of is that I don’t have to watch the finale to see who is named the biggest loser. Clearly it’s me. I can’t believe how low my reality tv addiction has sunk.

  23. Joe says:

    Sooo basically your saying you lack the mental stamina to do a real workout? Sorry lady, but as someone who has “been there, done that” your going to have to work hard to succeed. Unlike anything else you’ll ever do your going to have to bust your *** for results.

  24. Donielle says:

    Big Loser night is also known as ice cream night at our house. Or chips and cheese night, or empty the bag of chocolate chips night…..
    I swear, the weight the contestants drop is what the rest of America gains as we sit on our ba-donk-a-donks chowing away!
    And now that I’m a mom, I totally (and quietly to hide it from my hubby – who will make fun of me) cry my eyes out anytime they talk about or call their kids.

  25. Karen says:

    That was a funny post! And its so true. I bought the BL dvd and did the level 1 (for beginners) workout. It was a week before I could walk normal. I think its rigged. There is no way they can work out all day and still move normal the next…maybe its just me 🙂

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