What Shall We Do?

I cannot get that song out of my head.

What shall we do with the drunken sailor?
What shall we do with the drunken sailor?
What shall we do with the drunken sailor?
Early in the morning.

It was dorky enough to be singing folk songs in unison with perfect diction, wearing white tuxedo shirts and bow ties. Did the choir director really need to insist that they pronounce it “er-LIE in the mor-ning?” That was 18 years ago and it still lingers in my brain.

Well, ear-lie yesterday morning, Magoo woke up with the mangy raging vomit. Things appear to have died down but we’re staying home until we’re sure no one’s contagious. The worst part of a barf-o-rama are the hours after the eruption, the hours when he thinks he’s fine and he’s hungry and why are you not feeding him cottage cheese on a slice of lemon because as he said previously, HE’S HUNGRY, you miserable torturous mutha! He will tell you exactly where to shove the crackers and soda you have the nerve to offer him. You may not understand his directions, but he will certainly tell you.

And then he cries and you comfort him and he pushes you away because he thinks you’re making a mockery of his pain.

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21 Responses to What Shall We Do?

  1. Nantiemeg says:

    I’m so sorry you are in the house of vomit. That is way worse than the house of phlegm we are dealing with. Hope you all feel better soon!!

  2. Nantiemeg says:

    ps – I want you to know I was thinking “er-LIE in the mor-ning” as I was reading it.

  3. Pam in Utah says:

    Oh, I’m so sorry about the puke-er. Hope it’s not contagious, too. NO fun at all. Good luck!

  4. Traci says:

    ooooooohhhhh. I’m feeling for you. We’re just finishing up day three of vomitorama here. I feel the need to sanitize EVERYTHING, and he’s begging for BACON. I told him 6:30 is much too er-lie in the morning for bacon making. And bacon is just not something I feel like mopping up. So we’re going down to get some crackers for breakfast. Here’s to being a torturous mutha!

  5. Lei says:

    Aw… bless his little heart. I am so over winter and its nasty tummy viruses!!!

  6. Mary says:

    Now that song is in my head. A vomiting toddler is definitely no fun. Vomiting baby is easy, they just nurse or drink a bottle, and have no say in it. Vomiting toddlers have opinions and appetites and that makes for even more disgusting cleanup! Oh the laundry I have done when vomit attacks!! I hope he’s feeling better soon!

  7. Susan says:

    What you can look forward to: at six, Henry can make his way to the bathroom when he has to throw up, rather than just clinging to me and letting it rip. We’ve had an ENTIRE bout of stomach flu tis week and not one single bit of puke has wound up on me.

    THAT is HUGE.

    (Feel better, Magoo!)

  8. NG says:

    I thought I was the only person who had to sing that in junior high choir… and prounounce it ear-LIE. I’ve never gotten over it. Nor have I forgotten the line that says “Put him in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on him.” What does that mean anyway?

  9. Farm Wife says:

    My personal favorite was “Slap him hard and call him Nancy!” But this is from the big dork that stood around at Ren. Fest and sang it with other dorks in full costume…yikes!

    Sorry to hear you’re battling small puking people. We had a short bout with it during wich #1 Son began to puke on the floor beside the toilet and decided to race thru the house spewing all the way down the hall, thru the kitchen, and into the living room. Thanks Bubba! Oh, and he only wanted to eat Bananas and milk instead of the crackers and soda.

  10. Goslyn says:

    Ah, poor Magoo, and even worse, poor Kathryn. Hope he’s feeling better soon, and that the vomit bug does not spread throughout the land.

    And, thanks SO much, for getting that drunken sailor song in my head. Thanks.

  11. Sketchy says:

    I on the other hand keep thinking “You Mock my Pain!” “Life is Pain, Highness, anyone who says differently is selling something.”

    Hope the buggies leave your home soon!

  12. Julie Q. says:

    What I want to know is how he got drunk in the first place. For goodness sakes what have you been feeding him?

  13. Jen says:

    Poor little guy! I hope he feels better soon.
    You know, had that song in my hear at the beginning of the New Year. Even though my husband is Amry, all the guys “celebrating” the new year, got me thinking I was hanging around with a bunch of Navy dudes. Which, of course, they would have been appalled of. Anyhooooooo

  14. Belmomma says:

    I feel your barf pain. – Monday morning while eating breakfast I looked at our 16month old and saw a bug on her head. Sure enough, it was LICE!!! I freaked out. After checking two of her older sibs I discovered it on them too. Oldest bro didn’t have it, nor dad, but yup, I did. Fun. So, we spent hours and hours ‘nit picking’, later that night, son #1 barfs all over the floor, then today baby barfs on the floor. When it rains it pours!
    I love love love my kids, but sometimes i DO NOT love being a mom!

  15. Put ‘im in bed with the captain’s daughter! The drunken sailor, you fool, not Magoo. Although, come to think of it, was it a drunken sailor you had in mind when “Magoo” popped in there? My mom and I used to sing that while washing dishes. I think it must have been a remnant of HER jr high days. I’m posting my favorite ww bread, just for you. If you haven’t gotten your famous self to over to see it in the next couple of days, maybe I’ll beg you for your phone number so I can call you while I’m out for that all-day morning jog. I can talk while I run. Yes, I can.

  16. KYouell says:

    Actually I think the Drunken Sailor is an improvement over the “do yours ears hang low” that has been stuck in my head for no apparent reason for over a week.

  17. grammyelin says:

    I’m so sorry for you all! Sincerely. There is nothing more pitiful than a toddler who has to throw up and doesn’t really understand what is happening to him. When he looks at you with those big sad eyes that are begging you “to just make it stop” it about breaks your heart. …and then you have to clean up barf on top of everything else. Yuck!

    I loved it when all of you kids turned 8 and I was able to tell you that anything that came out of your body was your own responsibility. Talk about Liberation (note that I spelled it with a capital L.)

  18. jen says:

    Oh, you just *had* to share that song, which will now be in my head the rest of the day! LOL My 5 year old knows another version to that melody and sings it incessantly.
    Hope your little guy is feeling better!

  19. JD says:

    The phrase “mockery of his pain” brings the perfect image to mind of exactly what his face must have been doing. I don’t handle the vomit as well as the poops for some reason.

  20. bon says:

    Sigh… and the laundry that goes along with “the bawfs” as they are lovingly referred to in the house of Chaos.

  21. a fan says:

    so, what DO you do with a drunken sailor? married to a former sailor and granddaughter of a former royal sailor, i’ve heard varying accounts of what happens to the poor sap.

    we just got over the sickies here… they were never-ending! i ignored my ecological conscience and bought bleach wipes by the case, in an effort to rid our house of the yuck. sick toddlers stink… my 3yo understands that sick kids can’t eat or drink, but my 2yo didn’t. i gave in sometimes, but only because her pleas of, “i hung-eeee” were so pitiful. get better, magoo!

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