Daring Young Mom

Laylee: Can I use the phone to call Ducky pretend?

Me: Okay sure.

Laylee: How’re you Ducky?
Are you good?
Are you in time out?
Because you were mean and you were kranky?
I hope you have a great day!
Because I’m playing with mommy.
Sooooo…..
The end.
Have a great day.
Talk to you later Ducky.

She hands me the phone. Can you guess if anyone else had to go in time out today? Do you think anyone else was mean or kranky? No, it was not me! You take that back.

NANOWRIMO Word Count: 6733 (at least 500 of which don’t bite the big one. Yippee!)

I really can’t stop. It is somewhat ridiculous. Here it is for show and tell. I’m addicted to books. And it’s not just reading them. It’s holding them, smelling them, feeling them, buying them and surrounding myself with them. I love books.

“I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library.” — Jorge Luis Borges

“The true university of these days is a collection of books.” –Thomas Carlyle

“A library is the delivery room for the birthplace of ideas — a place where history comes to life.” — Norman Cousins

“A good library is a place, a palace where the lofty spirits of all nations and generations meet.” — Samuel Niger

“I cannot live without books.” — Thomas Jefferson

Last week I posted about my friend “Lucy” and her home school preschool. Well this week was my turn and I’ve come to the conclusion that our kids (yes 2 and 3 year olds) have very-extremely-way-muchly-super-duper-uber short attention spans.

Yes.

(moment of silence brought to you by They’re All In Bed)

It’s true.

So after Lucy’s Herculean efforts last week, I planned what I thought were a ton of activities.

1. We sang several songs, sitting or standing on cushions, including a version of The Eensy Weensy spider called The Big Fat Spider, where you sing in a really deep, scratchy voice.

2. They asked to go play with toys.

3. We learned a color, number, (asked for toys) shape (escaped for toys) and letter.

4. We had exercise time (Picture Simon Says where Simon always says and the kids don’t know the difference anyway so they just do what you say. Man, I wish this worked at nap, dinner and cleanup time.).

5. They did a coloring and sticker project.

6. They tried to scale the baby gate to get to the toys.

7. We made pumpkin spice sugar cookies.

8. I read them 4 Halloween stories (wherein each child felt the need to touch each page of each story in succession regardless of whether it was a touchy-feely book).

9. We learned a song about a Jack-O-Lantern but first we learned that a pumpkin with a face is called a Jack-O-Lantern. (Notice that actual learning did occur.)

10. They ran about wildly and asked for toys.

11. I told them a story of a witch looking for a house that turns magically into a pumpkin.
You fold a sheet of paper in half and hold it up with the fold to the bottom. Then the witch needs to make a roof so you cut the top corners off to look like a sloping roof. Then she needs a door so you cut a rectangle up from the bottom of one side. Oh, she can’t fit through with her pointed hat so you cut a triangle up from that. Then you make a triangle door for her cat. Then a square window and she has a beautiful house. You open it up and ……SHE LIVES IN A PUMPKIN! This is when all the kids gave their full attention and clapped like I was a flippin’ genius. It was nice.

12. I made them all witch houses.

13. They pleaded for toys.

14. They colored the pumpkins.

15. ONLY 50 MINUTES HAD PASSED AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO KEEP THIS UP FOR 2 HOURS.

16. I gave them the toys.

17. They played and attempted to share and take turns, learning valuable life lessons in the process. Only 1 time-out was issued.

18. I sedated them by playing every song I know on the guitar:
–Leaving on a Jet Plane
–Where Have All the Flowers Gone?
–When You Say Nothin’ at All
–Leavin’ on a Jet Plane
-An Up-Tempo version of Nearer My God to Thee (not exactly the way they sang it on the Titanic, I’m guessing)
–Where Have all the Flowers Gone?
-And for the Grand Finale — Leavin’ on a Jet Plane.

18. And then they did…..leave.

NANOWRIMO word count: 2287

To get along in this world and maintain the portly beauty of your massive rolly thighs, you must learn two things:

Skill #1: Eating amidst distraction — Yes, Laylee is fascinating and it’s hard to look the other way when she is yelling “RAARRRRR” like a tiny but very loud tiger 2 feet from your face as you nurse and patting you “so tenderly” on the head. Yes, I understand your need to pop off and look up at any noise you hear or movement you catch from the corner of your wandering eye.

“What if something actually HAPPENED at our house and I missed it because I was just sitting there eating like a baby?” you ask. “What if I don’t look at Laylee every time she does something hilarious and so she STOPS putting on a show for me at all times?” These concerns must weigh heavily on your mind and so you maintain your constant vigil. However, this must stop, young padawan. You must use the strength of your mind to block out these distractions and focus on the task at hand. That is eating for more than 10 seconds at a sitting.

Skill #2 — Not using me as a human teething ring between each swallow of milk: I don’t think I need to explain this one other than to say —

“If you do not cease and desist, I will cease and desist with the feeding. Get it? Got it? Good!”
~Kathryn, the Daring~

(One of the most hilarious sites I’ve ever seen is by a guy named Rod Barnett who will give $10,000 to anyone who introduces him to his future wife. He lists deep quotes throughout the page and then lists the source of the quote as ~Rod Barnett~. So funny. After seeing his site, I knew that one day I would quote myself on a website. I had to. I must. It was…..my destiny. I’m so sad. I just went there for the first time in 3 years and the site is all smooth and professional now and I couldn’t find any of his self-quotes. It’s still worth a look, though.)

News Briefs:
Magoo has officially achieved army-man crawl status.
Laylee is just breaking her 2-year-old molars which explains some of the crabbishness. She also gave all her diapers to Magoo as a present today so that she can begin her life as a potty-going big girl in earnest.
DY Dad Rocks.
The date for the painting of the house is set for mid-November.
NANOWRIMO word count — 998 (yeah, yeah, I know.)

I think I will now title all my posts “I am [fill in the blank].” Yes, I like to put labels on people, most especially myself. I should not be writing this post at all right now. The very writing of this post is a symptom of what this post is about…..my procrastination.

Today is the first day of NANOWRIMO. I am supposed to be writing approximately 1.735 bazzillion words each day to achieve my goal and write a novel in one month. I have been counting down the days because I was not allowed to start until today. At this moment, my word count is 79, including chapter headings. Yep, I’m already losing this battle.

My fridge is very, very clean. See, I decided that I can’t start neglecting my family, wifely and housily duties to the extent necessary to complete my NANOWRIMO project unless I’ve made some progress in those areas first. This decision came as I sat down to write my first paragraph and became paralyzed with the fear. (I can’t write a book. I’m a crazy nutso looney-job who should check in to the cookoo bin. What was I thinking signing up to do this?)

I’m sure things will look up tomorrow.

Magoo is now (at 5 months) the same size and weight that Laylee was at 14 months, the age I weaned her from nursing. I plan to nurse him for at least 7 more months but can’t imagine how big he’ll get. Okay, I’m lying. I can imagine it and that’s what scares me.

7 months from now, this enormous toddler will be sitting on the couch with me sprawled across his lap, holding my breast in his hands and drinking to his heart’s content. Tonight he decided he would only eat sitting straight up on my lap facing me. Yep, that was fun.

NANOWRIMO COUNT: 79 words (If I had been writing my book instead of this post, it would be about 400.)