Dearest Magoo

Picture 005To get along in this world and maintain the portly beauty of your massive rolly thighs, you must learn two things:

Skill #1: Eating amidst distraction — Yes, Laylee is fascinating and it’s hard to look the other way when she is yelling “RAARRRRR” like a tiny but very loud tiger 2 feet from your face as you nurse and patting you “so tenderly” on the head. Yes, I understand your need to pop off and look up at any noise you hear or movement you catch from the corner of your wandering eye.

“What if something actually HAPPENED at our house and I missed it because I was just sitting there eating like a baby?” you ask. “What if I don’t look at Laylee every time she does something hilarious and so she STOPS putting on a show for me at all times?” These concerns must weigh heavily on your mind and so you maintain your constant vigil. However, this must stop, young padawan. You must use the strength of your mind to block out these distractions and focus on the task at hand. That is eating for more than 10 seconds at a sitting.

Skill #2 — Not using me as a human teething ring between each swallow of milk: I don’t think I need to explain this one other than to say —

“If you do not cease and desist, I will cease and desist with the feeding. Get it? Got it? Good!”
~Kathryn, the Daring~

(One of the most hilarious sites I’ve ever seen is by a guy named Rod Barnett who will give $10,000 to anyone who introduces him to his future wife. He lists deep quotes throughout the page and then lists the source of the quote as ~Rod Barnett~. So funny. After seeing his site, I knew that one day I would quote myself on a website. I had to. I must. It was… destiny. I’m so sad. I just went there for the first time in 3 years and the site is all smooth and professional now and I couldn’t find any of his self-quotes. It’s still worth a look, though.)

News Briefs:
Magoo has officially achieved army-man crawl status.
Laylee is just breaking her 2-year-old molars which explains some of the crabbishness. She also gave all her diapers to Magoo as a present today so that she can begin her life as a potty-going big girl in earnest.
DY Dad Rocks.
The date for the painting of the house is set for mid-November.
NANOWRIMO word count — 998 (yeah, yeah, I know.)

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8 Responses to Dearest Magoo

  1. blackbird says:

    that would be 998 more than I have or will write…

  2. Karen says:

    Um, exactly how two is this child prodigy Laylee of yours? Because my two year old doesn’t seem as two as your two year old and now I’m worried. We are still eons away from full sentences, potty training and a big girl bed- all things that your two year old is doing.

    Love the picture of your little michelin man. I wanna give him a squish.

  3. Your letter just validates all my fears of having a second one. 🙂

  4. bon says:

    The game of “pop” is the reason that I have not made it past 10 months nursing with my first two. So the answer is to go into a darkened and quiet room to nurse?


    Like that’s gonna happen with a toddler or TWO around.

    Good Luck.

  5. withpod says:

    He’s crawling? Nell fumes at the affront. She is still solidly immobile and not too happy about it.

    Also the “distracted” nursing? Not fun.

  6. Cas says:

    Oh and that was moi! “withpod” being a reference to the pregnancy me.

  7. Adam says:

    woah!!! What are you feeding that kid?!!…oh…nevermind. People see his great size and we would like some actual current dimensions. What does he weigh and how long is he?


  8. Moonface says:

    Your little Magoo is just adorable. Love the thighs!!

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