The Things About Me

1. The cleanliness of my car in no way determines its ability to smell like poop. I could take a brand new car off the lot and if I put my kids inside, within 10 minutes the new car smell will be changed to something more… natural.

2. Every time I walk into my bedroom, an angel gets his wings. The tiny little metal pieces on my bedside lamp jiggle and tinkle as I walk across the floor and I smile.

3. I didn’t care much that Laylee’s bedroom door locked from the inside with a keyhole on the outside for which I had no key, until she locked it for the first time.

4. Shannon once told me that my northern accent gives me street cred.

5. Even if I didn’t want kids, I may have had them anyway just so I could drive in the HOV lane.

6. The first time Laylee had the stomach flu, I brought her a barf bucket and said, “If ye’re gonna spew, spew into this.” She was not amused.

7. Once I rented a video of housekeeping tips by Heloise. She can make her bed with her legs before she even gets out of it in the morning. Dan and I have been trying to master this skill for years. We call it “Heloising” the bed.

These random facts brought to you by Beth.

Posted in all about me, meme, Random | 18 Comments

Lessons From Harriet Carter — Part 1

Dan and I love getting the Harriet Carter catalog and devour it like we’re reading the color funnies. But more than an entertaining page-turner, the Harriet Carter catalog is also an educational tool. The next 4 weekends, I will share some lessons we’ve learned from Harriet Carter that may enrich your lives as well.

Everything becomes more valuable if it’s As Seen on TV. I suppose that makes this website a “must-have”. Actually, maybe not. I think the item has to be As Seen on TV in a paid advertisement to be truly remarkable. I did not pay to be As Seen on the Today Show.

My Lil’ Reminderâ„¢
lilreminder

Sticky-backed Velcro is the only hardware you should ever need for home improvement projects.

Instant Screen Door lets fresh air in, keeps bugs out! Screen attaches to almost any door frame with hook and loop strips included.
screendoor

You can write anything you want and it’s never a lie as long as you type it in quotes. I “ran” down the stairs this “morning,” ate some “nutritious” cereal and “sang hymns” to the kids as I made them “muffins” from “scratch”. “This” could come in handy.

“Wrought Iron” Garden Fence adds instant visual impact to your lawn, flowerbeds, along a path or walkway. Looks like iron but it’s actually heavy-duty, weather-resistant plastic that won’t rust or corrode.
wrought iron

“Silk” Rose Bush bursts with blooms that will last for years! Enjoy them in a vase indoors, or outdoors as part of a shaded garden”” these beauties will never wilt or fade. Onlookers will be hard-pressed to tell the real from the “silks.”
silk rose bush

The cure for hunch-back-itis is to stand up straight and wear a magnetic bra.

Magnetic Back Support helps ease pain and corrects poor posture! Special design pulls back shoulders, straightens neck and head, and aligns spine without discomfort. 12 magnets inside the adjustable brace may help soothe spine and lumbar area.
magnetic

There is a special “AS SEEN ON TV” cleaner for every bodily fluid that may “spill” on your carpet, mattress or upholstery. If it comes with a free “stain detector” you can see exactly where all the “spills” are in your house or throw a rave.

Urine Goneâ„¢ removes new or old stains & odors from carpets, mattresses, furniture – just about any washable surface or fabric! Darken the room and use the included “stain detector” black light to let you find the urine messes. Just spray on Urine Gone and its enzyme action makes stains and odors disappear.
urine gone

Posted in education, Reviews, shopping | 25 Comments

Something Is Distressing Me

Laylee got out of bed the other night and told me, “I can’t sleep because there’s a noise in my room and it’s distressing me.”

She was truly distressed by the sound of the pipes creaking or the frogs chirping or possibly the sound of being alone. Although I don’t suffer from these same fears I, consider her feelings valid and I listen to her.

With my life experience has come the knowledge to fear other things. I only hope she will offer me the same courtesy so she can live to maturity relatively unharmed.

Read more about what’s been keeping me up at night and tell me your solution.

Posted in aspirations, get serious, parenting | 8 Comments

I Slept Through My Alarm

Dan and I have been going to occasional marriage therapy for the last year. It started with post partum Issues I was having and continues from time to time because it’s just so darn much fun to find a babysitter and sit in a room with Dan and a practical stranger who happens to be prodding us along to talk about our deepest feelings and most personal insecurities.

Sometimes we go in with troubles to talk about and sometimes we find things we’re troubled about because we’re sitting in a room talking about all the reasons we might be troubled and we think, “Hey! Didn’t you eat the last pack of pink YOGOS?!”

Yesterday was fun because I was being a brat. “I think it’s really insensitive that you didn’t notice me tossing and turning last night because you were asleep. I obviously need a new pillow and you did nothing about it.”

Dan got a funny look on his face and said, “I have a present for you out in the car.” Hmmm.

I guess I’ve talked about the Wonder Pillow at Costco one or fifty times in the last few months so Dan had purchased it for me and was hiding it away in the trunk of his car for the next occasion to present itself. Consider an occasion presented.

The therapist waved at us through the window as Dan pulled out the surprise. Point — husband.

It’s okay. I was a winner too. I got a good night’s sleep and during the session I made a wisecrack that caused our therapist to laugh so hard he almost stopped breathing. That has to count for something.

Oh, and I got to take Dan home with me and keep him. Mmmmmm.

Posted in brains, fun, fun, fun, he's so fine he blows my mind | 16 Comments

Laylee Knows Best

Laylee wants fresh water for her dandelion flower. She NEEDS clear water for her dandelion flower. The dirty water in the kiddy pool out back is completely and not even a little bit not unsuitable for the growth and well-being of dandelion flowers. Dandelion flowers must never never touch dirt.

I told her that flowers live in dirt. They love dirt. Anyway, we could just pressure wash the dandelion flowers if they get too dirty.

She is busy saving worms from being squished by the rocks under which they live. Magoo is busy taking those rocks and throwing them at the worms who have just been saved. But I’m not worried about the rocks that he’s got. He’s still, he’s still Magooly from the block.

The other night at dinner Laylee told Magoo, “You are ODD.” She then looked at me like she was gonna be in huge trouble and added, “and I CARE about you.”

At bedtime every night Laylee invents a new song which she sings in an almost silent vibrato for several minutes. Then she asks Dan and I to sing it back to her. We sing some words, making them up as we go along and she applauds our efforts.

My sister Meg thinks we sound like these guys. (Be sure to listen to This Book is So Awesome and Save Ginny Weasley. Their tour schedule is on the site and many of the concerts are free. You should go check them out if they’re coming your way. And their little friends too, particularly My Dad is Rich.)

Driving through at the bank Laylee asked me, “Where is this place?” I told her it was the bank. “This is not the bank,” she said, “This is McDonalds.”

It’s sort of like McDonalds only instead of a green plastic toy, I get a green paper stack in my “happy meal.”

Posted in fun, fun, fun, kid stuff | 7 Comments

Tip Tuesday — Summer Reading

Currently I am reading a PZ4 selection for my book club. I’ve never been much of a PZ4, never quite made it to a jousting tournament or medieval feast and I cut my hair every few years. However, I can stand some good fantasy every now and again. The book we’re currently reading is The Crystal Cave by Mary Stewart.

When I’m reading it, I want to keep reading to find out what will happen next, but when I’m not currently reading I have trouble convincing myself that I care about what happens to Vortigern, Morginstern and Häagen-Dazs of the House of Googinesh. But for the love of my good friend, I will press on.

That said, when I’m finished with this, I need more. I feel the need, the need to read.

Here are a few suggestions from me for summer reading:

These is My Words by Nancy Turner — page-turning frontier adventure and romance
Peace Like a River by Leif Enger — excellent prose, amazingly rich characters, faith promoting
Moonraker’s Bride by Madeleine Brent — fun fluff, a light, romantic, action/adventure

A while back I asked for your favorite books of all time. Now I just want one or two from each of you that will keep me interested and coming back for more between running through the sprinkler, pushing kids on the swings and deciding how long the laundry can really wait before we’ll all need to go out and buy new clothes.

I’m open to pretty much any genre but hardcore romance. Hit me with your best shots. What’s worth reading?

Posted in bookclub, I can read, tip tuesday | 50 Comments