My Body Myself

Last night I asked Dan to get my wrist brace from downstairs so I could put on my last piece of my Darth Vader evening wear and go to sleep. He said, “Dork Vader?”

Pretty much.

I’ve got my zit cream, my plastic mouth guard and my black wrist brace. Just add a helmet and a few more electronic devices (I sleep with my PDA at arm’s reach.) and I’m a Saturday Night Live caricature of the geeky evil one.

Sometimes I feel like a combination between a 14 year-old just hitting puberty and an 80-year-old woman whose body is falling apart. It’s possible that all these symptoms are related to bearing and raising children or maybe I’m just at a weird vortex between the two ages.

My skin is breaking out and breaking down. It appears that blemish and wrinkle-fighting face wash may become my new best friend. Ever since Dan and I started discussing thinking about maybe planning on possibly getting pregnant again sometime in the next few years, my cycles have gone junior high crazy. My joints hate me and I’m needing braces for all kinds of parts just to do basic things like walk, bend over to pick cheerios out of the carpet and hold Magoo upside down over the sink for a hose-off.

All signs indicate that I should be drinking more water but I’m already so sick of going to the potty. It’s such a waste of my valuable time, time I could be using to blow on Laylee’s watercolors till they dry, pretend to eat plastic food under the slide and possibly shower.

At 28 years of age, I can frequently be heard saying, “I’m OOOOOLD!” as I creak my way along. I need to lose weight for optimum health. I just need to make some fundamental changes in the way I live so that my body will learn to like me again.

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24 Responses to My Body Myself

  1. Jessica says:

    Oh my lands…I’m nearing 27 and considering kiddo #2 and I have the same aches and pains. It nearly kills me just to walk up and down the steps. My legs and feet ache…not to mention my horrible back pain! UGH! I guess the 10lb baby I had 1 1/2 years ago. I’m glad I’m not the only 20 something mom who is having aches and pains! It’s nice to be in such great company!

  2. Melessa says:

    Ah! The things they don’t mention when they tell us how much we’re going to love being mothers. But, we love it anyway. (Usually) My nighttime routine involves acne medication for the bottom half, and wrinkle cream for the top. Fun…Fun

  3. RGLHM says:

    We’re twins…again!! Didn’t you hear? I am celebrating my 81st birthday this year. This man has helped me, but even with the best of the East and the West it boils down to pacing, dsicipline, setting aside some childhood desires and spirituality. For me anyway. AND IT IS SO HARD!!!!!!!! But I know it can be done

  4. LainaKay says:

    Aargh… you just nailed it! I’m trying to find the right combination of acne and wrinkle cream… it’s a very, very fine balance. This should not be necessary! My dentist is after me to get a mouthguard to prevent grinding my teeth… hmmm… attractive (thanks kids for the stress). I don’t have a wristguard yet but I sleep with my wrist strategically placed, flat between two pillows so that it won’t hurt the next day. I should drink more water but I, too, have to much to do without having to visit the bathroom more than twice a day. “That time of the month” puts me over the edge… no time for that! And to top it off I’m so sore on a regular basis from going to the gym in an attempt to have more energy and get healthier. Help Me! Did any of that make sense? Forgive the atrocious grammar… just hope it’s readable… Thanks for the laughs!

  5. Kimberly says:

    Freaky how many gals have tons in common with you, eh? I’m also 28, zit prone, grind my teeth, and get severe joint pain (unless I remember to take my calcium, which I never do).

    My best friends? Neutrogena chemical peel (expensive but worth it!), and their moisturizer with the alpha hydroxy guck in it. Love, love, love!

  6. sarah k. says:

    Or you could come on down to Utah and hobble along with me. Leave the plastic pie on the totally out-of-reach floor, grab some real pie, and we’ll gripe about the necessity of traction for the sagging 30-something body parts.

  7. Mary says:

    I’m having the same sad puberty skin combined with newly-forming crows feet. Add that to the fact that the humidity is really setting in here and so I’ve got a constant hideous sheen on top of everything. It’s a pretty picture I tell you! Beeeeautiful!

    Dork Vader. wahahaha

  8. Eve says:

    Why the wrinkles and zits at the same time?

  9. Heffalump says:

    Wait until you hit 34. Get in shape NOW, while you still can!

  10. Stephanie says:

    I know what you need. It starts with an M and ends in ary Kay.

    You crack me up.

  11. californiazenmom says:

    28!! 34!! Ha!! I laugh at 28 & 34!! Wait til you hit a real age (39, yes actually 39, in a way I’m actually looking forward to turning 40 so people will stop winking at me when I say 39 like I’m really 78 and just “pretending” to be 39 and it’s “our little secret”). In my last OB/GYN visit, my doctor used the phrase, “Well, as women approach menopause…” I didn’t hear the rest of what he said because I was too busy hyperventilating. But there are some good things about being ancient. After years of exercising to get my butt to look better, I’ve decided my butt is my butt and there’s not a whole lot I can do about it. So, now I exercise to be healthy and sleep well and breathe well — oh and fight osteoperosis (sp?) which I’m sure I’ll have by next Spring at the rate I’m aging. 🙂

  12. Ann says:

    You mean I’m not the only one who finds going to the bathroom such a waste of time?

  13. JD says:

    Oh how I feel ya!

  14. proverbs31 says:

    I hear ya! I’m 28 and getting OOOOOOLD too! Of course, three kids have helped with the creaking, I’m sure. But like you, I really oughta drink more water and lose some weight. Probably, more sleep wouldn’t hurt either. 😉 Ahhh, motherhood. 🙂

  15. Melissa says:

    I’m 30 and I have a funny feeling that things are just gonna get worse 😉

  16. Barb says:

    So we’re carpul tunnel/teeth grinding sistas, are we?

  17. Tigersue says:

    I just turned 41, had to by the biggest clothes I have ever needed too, wear a mouth guard at night for TMJD, and my eyes are starting to age. Boy can I feel your pain!

  18. grammyelin says:

    I am now 54. I remember 28. Anybody want to trade?

    Having just spent a month with my 90 year old mother-in-law, maybe even 54 isn’t Really so bad. Hang in there, y’all!

  19. Sheena says:

    I hear ya! I am 30 and feel wacked out. The only thing I have seen help for me is that horrible thing called excercise…especially cardiovascular…..ugh why can’t hauling vaccums and children count as excercise for our bodies? Such rigid demands from these vessels we live in!

  20. Bev says:

    You are only as old as you feel. I waited until 31 to have my first. My youngest is 5. She keeps me a young mom, even though 50 is looming closer (I got 3 years to go).

    p.s. Exercise can reverse many things. I am in better shape now then I have ever been. I love the 80 yr old woman at the gym that looks good in her 1980’s leotards. I wanna be like her!

  21. Steff says:

    Girls….the age and the aches are all in the way you look at it. I am 36 and personally would cheerfully forget that i ever had 20’s life didnt get good for me till I hit 30, found a dr who was willing to diagnose my severe chronic depression AND put me on meds. I met my husband about 6 months later got married at 31, had first baby at 32, second at 33 and we bought our first house when I was 34….
    I do tend to have break outs now that I never had as a teen ager, but DH loves me anyway and my kids seem to think it means i have bug bites…works for me. Ive never been much into make up etc and have only one wrinkle that concerns me often but I tend to be ok with that since I still get carded to buy cigarettes half the time and alcohol every time.
    I am looking forward to 40 and enjoying that the boys are turning more kids than babies every day(can we say bye bye potty training)
    Enjoy your youth but appreciate the things that come with (some) aging as well.

  22. Therese says:

    You people are just babies! Wait until 40 hits and your darn body really starts to revolt!!

  23. Jane says:

    I hear you on zit cream and wrinkle cream all in one. It just doesn’t seem right, does it. Sometimes I’ll say things like, “Yeah, I’m too old to take up __________ (insert physical activity like skiing)” and my husband will have to remind me that I’M NOT EVEN 30 YET!

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