A Serious Mom Day

Pathetic, isn't he?Last night Magoo’s month-long-already-been-to-the-doctor-and-she-says-it’s-nothing cough turned nasty, he sprouted a decent fever and some pretty sweet green elevens.  All night long he coughed and hacked and yelled, “Mo-mmy! OWW-EEE!”Â  He slept best when sitting upright on my lap so you can imagine how much sleep I got.

This was complicated by the fact that we thought we’d take one more whack at getting Laylee to stay dry through the night.  We’ve tried pretty much everything.  She just really likes peeing in her pull-up.  You think I jest, but oh no, I do not.  She will wake up, walk into my room, get this spaced out look on her face while I’m talking to her and then announce that she just had a “pee-splosion”.  Sometimes she refuses to use the potty before bed but then goes in the pull-up 3 seconds later while I’m reading her story. 

So we thought maybe switching her back to diapers at night would make her want to stay dry.  Not so, my friends.  Switching back to diapers is the funnest thing EVER.  Switching back to diapers at night means you can talk baby talk and stick your butt up in the air, commentating on the entire process as your mom wipes you down.

Last night I decided that enough was enough and she would simply have to stay dry through the night.  At about 2 am, I was leaving Magoo’s room and I found her in a pee-soaked shirt, new underwear, no pants, sleeping in a sleeping-bag on the floor next to her saturated bed. 

All day today I walked around in my pajamas, smelling pee in every room.  What did she do, take a pee tour of the entire estate?  It was driving me nuts.  About 4:30 this afternoon I bent over to pick something up and realized that the smell was coming from my t-shirt.  When I picked her up last night, I guess she had rubbed off on me.  Blick!  I’m considering beginning a strict regimen of personal hygiene the next time I get more than 3 straight hours of sleep.  This will involve showering daily and possibly wearing new clothes each day, particularly when the ones I have on are drenched with dried human waste.

But the day was not without humor.  Laylee has started a new style of joke.

Laylee:  Ding ding.  Now you say “Who is it?”Â 
Me:  Who is it? 
Laylee: Awaura. 
Me:  Awaura who? 
Laylee:  What?

During dinner she asked to play outside and I told her to pretend she was outside.
Laylee:  I want to go to real outside. 
Me:  It’s too dark and wet and cold.  Why don’t you just pretend? 
Laylee:  I hate pretend.  I can never never pretend. 
Me:  Okay.  Why don’t you just stare at the wall? 
Laylee (settling herself in a corner with a huff):  Okay.

All through dinner the little coughing melon-head cried his brains out.  We did everything we could think of to make him more comfortable.  Juice?  Loosen your high-chair straps?  Tylenol and cough syrup spritzer?  Hot stone massage?

Nothing helped.  We decided bed was the answer.  As I picked him up, Dan noticed the giant splotches of ooze, spilling over the bottom half of his gingerbread PJs.  The one thing we hadn’t thought of!  All he needed was a new bum.  Now he’d been sitting in killer sandy acid pear poop for half an hour.  OH, the humanity!

Awaura Who?As I was soaking him in a warm bathtub, Laylee and I had this conversation:
Laylee:  Magoo was so sad at dinner.  It makes my heart hurt.
Me:  Oohhh.  Me too.
Laylee:  Why was he so sad?
Me:  He had ouchy poop and it was burning his bum-bum.
Laylee [eyes widen.  A minute goes by.]:  Can I see the light?
Me:  What light?
Laylee [peering sideways over the side of the tub]: The fire light.
Me:  What fire light?
Laylee:  The fire light that was shining out his bum when it got burned.

Now you want to know if I let her see it, huh?  I would tell you but I’ve got to go change my shirt and teach Magoo that he’s pronouncing one of his favorite words incorrectly.  There is no “H” in “sit”.

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31 Responses to A Serious Mom Day

  1. Melessa says:

    When you teach him to promounce it correctly, could you give this seasoned mom of 4 a few pointers? My 2 year-old loves to “sit.” Especially at church. DH and I are trying to ignore it, but our other children find it delightful.

    I hope Magoo feels better soon. It’s no fun when they are sick, and especially when it’s serious.

  2. jeana says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time. Sorry you had to go through all that for me to get a chuckle, but it worked out pretty well on my end.

    And Scott has taken to saying, “I say down with (fill in the blank)” ever since the shnitzle post. You are stinkin’ hilarious.

  3. chris says:

    See if he had just learned this “s(h)it word while sitting in his high chair you might have been ale to figure out the problem! 😉

    So glad that I figured out you have a new feed. I’m a bit slow I guess.

    Happy New Year! Did you ever get your card?!?!

  4. I’d love to have something supportive to say, but I’d be lying.

  5. Leslie says:

    I’m with Jeana: this is hi-larious! You’re a good mommy–above average. Hope Magoo is better soon.

    Oh, btw, my three year old loves to pee on herself. After months (MONTHS!!) of getting up in the middle of the night (sometimes more than once) to change her sheets and clothes, and then spending the next day washing said sheets and clothes, we went back to pull-ups at night. She actually said to me, “I like having an accident in the bed. It keeps me warm.” AAAAHHH! How can you argue with that logic? Luckily, the new pull-ups have this “cool sensation” when it gets wet. She RARELY wets them at night (a fact that has baffled hubs), but I’ll be danged if I’m going to let her sleep without one.

  6. Edge says:

    We all know you’re weird. But come on, prove it.
    Tag. You’re it.

  7. Mir says:

    Poor Magoo. I have a sickie home today, too, so I feel your pain.

    Stop stressing about Laylee peeing and go back to pull-ups and act like it doesn’t matter to you in the slightest. $5 says that within 6 months she’s BEGGING you to let her sleep in panties, while you look thoughtful and respond that she’d have to be dry a lot of nights in a row before that becomes an option. Truuuuust me. 😉

  8. Sketchy says:

    Mir is right, reverse psychology is the way to go on the Pull-Up situation.

    And what’s the problem with Magoo saying “Sith”? I mean OK not exactly grammarically correct, but he’s still little. All it does is show he’s a little too much of a Star Wars Geek than your average toddler… 😉

  9. Heth says:

    Sounds like fun times at the Daring house. Woo hoo!

  10. Oh, this SO doesn’t have me excited to potty-train Roz. As much as she walks around saying “I’m wet” and “wanna go potty,” I know I should be more motivated, but all I can think of is wet girl in her bed at night, and everything smelling like pee.

    Loved the description of Magoo’s “green elevens”. That took me a minute.

  11. Cheryl says:

    Oh, hon, I can’t stop lauging –feeling your pain –but can’t stop laughing, either! Your posts always lighten up my day… 🙂

  12. jodi jean says:

    “okay, why don’t you just stare at the wall?”

    classic, i wonder how many times that would work!

  13. Farm Wife says:

    B.B. and Laylee could start their own comedy troop. His favorite:
    Knock, Knock.
    Who’s there?
    ‘nana head
    ‘Nana head who?
    ‘nana head, Mommy! (laugh maniacally)

    Can’t help on the peeing in the pull-up thing. Mine thinks “Buzz Lightyear pants” are all the rage. Forget not peeing in them. That’s what they’re for!

    And been there done that on the poop front.

    Oh, and #1 Son’s worst mispronunciation was of the word “fork.” I’ll leave that one to the imagination.

  14. MyBestInvest says:

    We had the same night you did last night, but without all the pee. Son is crazy sick and doc said there’s not much we can do about it.

    Great blog, by the way. Wife and I are big fans.

  15. Amanda says:

    Don’t fret…yet. My daughter just turned five and stills wakes up wet. My pediatrician says he’s not concerned until she’s six.

    My favorite mispronunciation happened when same daughter was two and had a hard time saying armadillo correctly. She was switching the second ‘l’ for a ‘d’!!! Her uber-mature parents were tickled!

  16. Oh man, your day got so much more interesting after hanging up with me!

  17. amy a. says:

    I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but we put those uncomfortable plastic sheets under the real sheets on the kids beds. They were so crinkly that they hated them and promised to stay dry if we would take them off. Could work for Laylee. Princesses like comfortable beds.

  18. allysha says:

    Potty training. I have a theory that it never really ends. And yet, it must, some day. Maybe by high school?

  19. RGLHM says:

    I’m sorry, but that “fire up his bum” is spectacular!! Oh if only I could be so funny!

    I’m blogging a little bit these days. I’m also trying to keep up on the reading. I am reading, just not commenting much, but I am reading.

  20. ABC Momma says:

    Oh, I hope Magoo feels better soon.

    I’d rather throw the potty out with the pull-up than have to change and wash sheets every day. Both my 5 & 3 year olds use them at night.

  21. Heidi says:

    amy a wrote: I don’t know if you’ve tried this, but we put those uncomfortable plastic sheets under the real sheets on the kids beds. They were so crinkly that they hated them and promised to stay dry if we would take them off. Could work for Laylee. Princesses like comfortable beds.

    And a PEA under the the plastic sheet! We ALL know princesses don’t like peas…

  22. Karen says:

    I know you totally haven’t asked for any advice, but I have to share that we had a loooong wait with Cool before he stayed dry all night. Like a full year after he was toilet trained during the day. Eventually he just began to wake up dry and we “ran out” of Pull-Ups. End of story. No battle. We just waited until he was ready and able. Sometimes it just takes a little while.

    Sorry to hear that Magoo is feeling so lousy. I hope he’s better soon.

  23. KYouell says:

    While I too am sorry for your crummy day, thank you for sharing it. Especially the part about showering and clothes. So close to my heart. I have no idea how I will ever bathe once I have 2 kids. I think I’ll just have to cherish those showers in the hospital at the end of April to make the good feeling last. Sigh. At least I’m not alone!

  24. Pam says:

    I hope he feels much better soon! Thank you for such a great post – and a great laugh:)

  25. Pam in Utah says:

    This is from a different Pam, and yes, I hope little Magoo feels better soon, too! Sorry about that hard stuff. It happens. Unfortunately. But we love you and hope it gets better soon. Where are the instruction manuals on these kids when you really need them??? Eh?

  26. Becca says:

    3 year old humor is something else, no? I’m just thinking that maybe after I endure it, something akin to a real sense of humor will have a chance to emerge. Great post!

  27. sare says:

    oooohhhh…. kids can be quite the patience-tryers sometimes, can’t they.

    I feel you.

    Good thing they’re also dang cute.

  28. a fan says:

    ew, i had the stinky shirt thing a week or two ago. grooooody.

    i should join your efforts to bathe and wear clean clothes regularly. we’ve been sickly forEVER now. after three days in pj’s, i decided to put on real clothes after taking a nice, long shower. my three year old said, “momy, you look so pretty!” i looked in the mirror and thought, “dangit, i DO!” i lovingly asked her why she thought i was so pretty and she said, “because you have clothes on!” gee, thanks, kid.

    is laylee in sunbeams now? my memory stinks. my three year old recently rebelled and wouldn’t go potty and wash her hands alone. a short talk about how primary kids do those things and nursery kids don’t solved the problem FAST. she’ll do anything to be a big primary kid now, it seems!

  29. californiazenmom says:

    It’s days like this that make me wish for a nice, loud, anger-filled, yelling courtroom to hang out in for a day. No one pees on the floor in court — although I guess they might in criminal court, but that wasn’t my gig.

    On a more serious note, neither of my girls could stay dry until they were about 4 1/2. I just think they slept too deeply and couldn’t wake up to go. We just kept with the Pull-ups at night and didn’t worry about it. Big Moses, on the other hand, has been essentially dry since the 3rd day of potty training at almost 3. So, go figure.

  30. heather says:

    my son is 4 and 3/4 and he still wears a pull-up at night. Ocassioanlly he wakes up and will use the bathroom, but normally he is a really really deep sleeper. Latly though, he has been waking up dry- I suspect in the next 6 months he will be ready for underwear at night. My cousin’s son needed a pull-up until he was 6.

    Giver her time, she’ll figure it out. I’ve been told it is a developmental thing- not something that she needs to learn.

  31. Eric's Mom says:

    I read this tip on potty training on line some where and thought I would share. This mom said she put regular panties on her daughter and then a Pull Up. That way the little girl got the yucky feeling of wet pants, but the mom did not have to clean up the mess. I have not tried it, but the idea sounded good.

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