I Tried to Push Magoo off the Wagon

new magooBut he wouldn’t budge.

Last night I came home late. Dan had put the kids down already, which is always a sort of bitter-sweet experience. Bitter because I love them and I adore to squidge them, and sweet because I get out of doing the real work and yet I can enjoy them in their most lovable state, the one where they’re sweetly sleeping and not wiping their spaghetti mustache on my pants because I didn’t get them a nakum fast enough.

Magoo woke up shortly after I arrived, screaming as though he’d had some terrible nightmare, like the one where you’re driving to Butte, Montana naked in front of a crowd of people and you NEED to pull over to pee so bad but every exit is blocked by evil clowns sucking back helium and singing that Celine Dion Titanic song. I’d scream too… if I’d ever had a dream like that.

Dan went to save him, but I ended up joining in the fun (okay, I completely took over after Dan got him to the calm-snuggly phase).

He was so cuddly and squishy and needy and it was one of those moments I fantasized about before I had children. Me and my baby dolly alone in a dark room, the nightlight softly glowing. I rocked him back and forth, humming nonsensically soothing songs. I kissed his peach fuzz and gently squoze him. He nuzzled into me, batting his sweet sleepy eyes, his bottom lip sucking and fluttering in and out.

I knew what he wanted. I knew I still had it and I knew I had to either give it to him right then or abandon him and go have “the talk” with Dan about whether or not we were ready for round three of Operation Repopulate Seattle with Attractive Small People.

I thought “Seattle needs more cuteness and we need to start that crusade tonight” was a pretty hard sell.

So I offered my weaned-two-months-ago-but-his-mom-still-inexplicably-has-the-goods bubby a taste of the special milk “he” had been missing so desperately.


He acted like I was trying to jam my elbow down his throat.

My appendages bashfully retreated as he walked off arm in arm with his new girlfriend.

“Mom, I’m with Nuby now.”

Yeah, whatever. Suck rubber. What do I care?
nuby magoonuby magoo2

~This post inspired by Jess~

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23 Responses to I Tried to Push Magoo off the Wagon

  1. Jeana says:

    I have not laughed this hard in…I don’t remember when. And considering I read you every day that’s saying a lot.

    So…can we safely assume Seattle’s quota of adorable little people will be changing then? 🙂

  2. Melessa says:

    I’ve felt that pain, literally. And I am fairly certain that with four kids we’ve populated my little neck of the woods quite enough. Sigh.

  3. Rhythmless says:

    Oh man, TOO FUNNY.
    That confusion and rejection over something they apparently couldn’t live without the first year amazes me. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s tried to strut her stuff with the goods and gotten rejected.

  4. elliespen says:

    Yeah, I hate it when I have the Evil Clowns on the Naked Drive to Butte dream. So many sleepless nights…

  5. mary says:

    This might be the funniest thing I have read in WEEKS! I’m almost envious, though, b/c I’m trying to wean my 10 month old and he’s havin’ none of it!

  6. Susan says:

    More adorable little people! Now! Or, you know, soon!

  7. I fear that day is coming all too soon for me, too. Abigail is still nursing 2-3 times a day at 14 months. I know the end of our “special milk” snuggly time is near, but I am not quite ready to cut her off. Your hilarity cheers me up and makes me wistful, all at the same time.

  8. beth says:

    Wow, well at least you know he hasn’t had any negative response to the weaning.

    Good luck on the repopulation project…do we wish luck on something like that? Break a leg? Go get ’em? I don’t know.

  9. Sketchy says:

    LOL my son did this after 1 week! He had a really bad cold and had a terrible time nursing because he couldn’t breathe so we did the baba for a week. I so wanted to nurse him (engorged) but he looked at me and laughed…yes laughed!

    So not the response I was looking for!

  10. emlouisa says:

    rofl! Mini-Man was sick a couple of weeks ago so I offered up after withholding for a good month or so. The kid looked at it, looked at my face, looked at it again and went in for the kill. He nearly bit the thing off!

    So I guess when they’re done, they are DONE.

    And I’m totally hearing you on the Butte dream. I HATE that.

  11. Tammy says:

    I’m laughing out loud too…especially the “dream sequence”…:D

    My youngest nursed until 2.5 years old! I NEVER thought I’d go that long…but she did not want to give it up…and knowing she was probably our last, neither did I.

    TOO funny, though!

  12. Man, the rejection. It’s terrifying. I feel bad for you. 🙂 And those Celine singing clowns. Too much!

  13. I almost attempted nursing one of my toddlers the other day, but didn’t for fear of rejection – OR – the exact opposite.

    Considering they’ve been weaned for ~5 months, I surprised myself when upon “checking” realized that I’ve still got a spray that could put an eye out. Literally.

    Turned down for the Nuby. That’s gotta hurt.

  14. Shalee says:

    Good night, woman. Where do you find such good fodder?

    Oh, I remember the day that the boy turned his head from me as if I had offered him saurkraut instead of the good stuff. Nary again did that boy beg for the bub or even act like he missed it. Hmph. What did he know? He was just a punky kid.

    Man, I miss being able to fill out a shirt like I did then… oh, and the snuggle time too.

    Feeling for you woman. These times are hard.

  15. BoringTales says:

    I tried to do the same thing a month or so after I weaned my son. It is amazing how fast they forget how!!

    Oh. we made the big move, by the way. As soon as my husband gets here and we get a car we can set up that lunch!!

  16. Robin Joy says:

    you have a beautiful magoo- I also call my 7 month old girl magoo. And I thoroughly enjoy your blog as I have recently taken to blog hopping.

  17. That’s such a cute and entertaining post. I love the way you put things!

  18. Lei says:

    Evil sippies! Curse them! Lol. I guess it would have been nice to still feel needed, huh?

    It’s the first stage (of many stages) of separation, I tell ya. And it’s sad! And hard! Hugs to ya!

  19. Cmommy says:

    *sniff*, Ok, you made me cry. Are you happy now??!

    I must go back and edit my poswt about LilBro breaking his elbow last night, ’cause you just made me realize why I’m so weepy tonight. {}C

  20. Melissa says:

    Maybe next time DO stick your elbow in his mouth. Then he might appreciate the real deal.

    Or that might convince him to stick with his safely predictable pacifier…

  21. Pretty funny, and bittersweet. Char decided she’d had enough a couple days before her 2 months…I thought for sure we’d nurse much longer.

    Maybe my next one

  22. Jenny says:

    You are too funny!! I loved your description of the terrible nightmare! Sorry about the rejection…been there, done that. It’s a bummer!

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