Hymnals are Hilarious

hymnsSo says Magoo.

Not in so many words.

He hinted at it by gasping and squealing loudly every time we opened the green book of joy throughout church today.

Close the book. Silence. Open the book. Shaking, flailing, laughing and gasping for breath. He then proceeded to zerb the book……repeatedly.

If the people in front of us weren’t feeling the Holy Spirit, at least they were feelin’ something. It was my son’s spit. Sorry.

We are pretty much always late for church, but lately we’ve had this goal to go to bed early and get up early, even on weekends, so our body clocks will become more regular. I’m not exactly sure where they’re kept but after 10pm, my stomach starts to tick if I don’t eat some ice cream or nachos, so…….

This morning we got up at 7 and church doesn’t start until 11:30. (Okay! Dan got up at seven and I pretended to cuddle him the way my second dead fish is currently cuddling the plant at the bottom of his bowl. I curled limply around his arm and fell back asleep for 20 minutes.)

That’s 4 hours to get ready, people, and even with the de-mulletization I feel is necessary on the Sabbath, that still leaves at least 30 minutes to get the rest of the family decked out. We were SO going to be on time this morning.

My fatal flaw is this – I always forget to allow extra time for the weird last minute things that come up, right as it’s time to get in the car. This morning they included:

-I had to reassemble Laylee’s car seat from the laundry, due to a big-girl sized accident she had in it last night
-I have a second child
-I’m supposed to wear clothes to church. A slip and knee-highs (yes I said knee-highs) just don’t fit the “dress code.”

With things like this coming up at the last minute, I don’t know how I’m expected to be on time, especially since DYD was driving and let’s just say that HIS special powers are of no use to us when it comes to getting somewhere in a hurry.

For our secret plan today, we decided we HAD TO LEAVE by 11:00, even though it only takes 10 minutes to get there. So when we left at 11:17, fully car-seated, dressed, and dos-childed, we arrived on time, even though we left “late”. Ha HA!

I had second thoughts today about giving out my web address to people I know in real life when I walked in and was greeted with, “Hey. Nice Mullet!” (that is, assuming the person who said that reads my blog and didn’t just see my hair and think it looked like a mullet….)

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Hymnals are Hilarious

  1. bon says:

    We have moved to the 9:00am schedual for our church. Three small girls and myself to get ready all BY myself! Dadguy heads out for meetings that start at, gasp, 6am so I’m on my own.

    Aaaaaand since he’s the guy in charge of getting folks to say the opening and closing prayers we get to be the one’s saying them every time he forgets. To his credit that’s usually no more than twice a year. He only gets one more this year. We almost didn’t make it.

  2. Shannon says:

    Ah, the dead fish cuddle. Yes, I’m an expert at that too.

    As for getting to church on time, we can usually manage that, it’s just that we’re not speaking to each other. Any of us.

  3. My sister-in-law has 4 kids and they were never able to get to anything on time- and now that the kids are a little more grown up, they have been used to being late for so long (and everyone else is used to them being late) that they don’t even try anymore! I think what counts is not the time you get to church but that you make the effort!

  4. Queen Beth says:

    PLEASE tell me you are exaggerating when you say people at church liked your mullet! And actually said “mullet”! PPPPLLLLEEEAAASSSEEEE!!! (That is just so cruel!)

  5. jessica says:

    Does Magoo sing along? Both mine have gone through the phase. It involves them shrierking (surprisingly in time to the music) and no one in a three to four pew radius of us being able to sing for laughing so hard at my kids. And unfortunately the “singing” often spills over into the oh-so-should-be-silent prayer moment. Good times!

  6. Liz says:

    our sunday morning service starts at 10 but we have to be there by 9:30. We’re on time if I get up first because I’m the nag monster about being on time, but if Dustin gets up first he lags around until 10 to 9 and then tears around the house waking me up and generally setting things in disorder – but he’s been up for an hour.

    This was my morning yesterday.

  7. Goslyn says:

    It’s ok, we Catholics are ALWAYS late to mass. It’s part of being a good Catholic, learning the late-to-Mass-side-asile-shuffle. Chuckle. So, if your church frowns upon those who wander in 10 minutes late, you can always join us!

    Tommy also likes to “sing along” – he especially likes to “pray” with the priest during the preparation of communion. You know, when the church is COMPLETELY silent, and everyone is trying to pray. This week, the priest got Razzed, loudly, just as he held up the bread and said “this is the body of Christ.”

    Hard to keep from laughing at that.

  8. Karen says:

    Oh yes, we can identify with you and every single one of these comments. Our church is 3 hours long divided into two parts. We’ve only made it to one part for the last two weeks. Yeah, not very responsible. πŸ™‚

  9. Oh these stories are too good! Would it count as a Tip if I just asked everyone to share funny things their kids had done in church or other public places?

    The guy who said the mullet thing does read my blog and he was just making fun of me for calling it that. He also says he has trouble calling my children their real names anymore but has come to see them only as Laylee and Magoo.

  10. Susan says:

    I grew up Catholic; our parish had Mass on Sundays at 8:00, 9:15, and 10:30. 8:00, according to my mother, was WAAAAY to early, so we would shoot for 9:15. And typically miss that, and end up at the 10:30 service.

    Except for all those Sundays that we ended up going to the 5:00 pm service. On Monday night.

    Yes, really!

  11. Rachelle says:

    My son thinks the hymn books are funny too. Loves to play with them. Glad something entertains him while at church!

  12. owlhaven says:

    We have a terrible time getting TO CHURCH ON TIME TOO!

  13. Lou says:

    It’s those last minute things that kill you. Especially the 2nd child- who knew?

    Church just started starting at 1 for us, and you’d think that having all morning would be good, but you can’t dress the kids until you feed them lunch, so it’s all a mad scramble anyway.

  14. HLH says:

    Funny Church Story:
    During the Sacrament (when all is deathly quiet) My 3 year old started crawling under the pew in front of us. So, DH, leans down and whispers to him that he needs to get up, now. 3 y.o. in his LOUD voice says “Daddy don’t hit PJ, please don’t hit me daddy!” No joke! I assure you my Husband does not ever hit my son! Best part- there is a family therpist in our ward, and he was sitting with his family right in front of us!

  15. Tiffany says:

    Gotta love church and kids! A month or two ago, a family was singing together. Mom at the piano, Dad (Opera PhD major) and kids ages 6, 4 and 1 were singing The Wise Man/Foolish Man. Well, the dad was singing without much help from the kiddos. My 3 yo stands up on the pew and belts it out. Totally upstaging the whole fam. Good thing they still like us :-).

  16. Liz says:

    maybe tuesday can just start early this week?

  17. Heather says:

    The hymnal is also frantically loved at our house. The bean must hold it and make loud la-la sounds during singing time.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Oy, I’m the dope that said “Hey, nice mullet.” And I said it to tease DYM, because pushing people’s buttons is my preferred hobby, especially at church. I don’t even know what a mullet is.

  19. emlouisa says:

    Yesterday my my two year old was sick. Dh volunteered to stay home with both boys so I could go fulfill my calling as Junior Primary Chorister. (nice of him, eh? I told him he could fill in for me and he said no way)

    Anyway, it was the first time since the birth of my first son that I was able to actually listen in Sacrament meeting. It was weird. And strangley quiet. Nice to listen, but I got bored. πŸ™‚

  20. Anonymous says:

    I’ve often wondered if MST didn’t stand for Mountain Standart Time or even Mormon Standard Time but Mommy Standard Time. Toddlers and schedules don’t seem to mix too well. πŸ™‚

    BTW, you mentioned wanting to see pics of my hats. Here’s a few of them: My Ebay Seller’s Page.

  21. Anonymous says:

    Sorry for the double post but the above one about MST was mine and I forgot to include my name, as usual. I tell you, computer fields that remember your info are dangerous! It’s so easy to become dependant on them and then you just make idiot mistakes because you think the field has got your back. πŸ™‚


  22. Ephrem says:

    Hi, just a note to let y’all know about my hymn blog, http://www.hymnographyunbound.blogspot.com

  23. Jessica says:

    We can’t seem to ever get to church on time, either. I have even tried the secret plan of trying to leave extra early. Still not happening. We were late even we had church at 1:30 pm. I underestimate the time it takes for me to pick an outfit, blow dry my hair, and put on makeup 100% of the time.

    Sorry about your mullet. I got my hair cut over the weekend and now I look like David Cassidy during his Partridge Family days. Hooray. I might have to invest in hats.

  24. Theresa says:

    Since my husband, Ross, is the van/bus driver for our church, we are ALWAYS at church early (we’re talking 30-45 minutes, here)!!!! We are, also, always the last ones to leave!!! (He must take the riders home!!)

    Funny TRUE story: My youngest daughter, Jessica, was about 4 years old and had been really acting out during service. (We are Apostolic Pentecostal, so our church services can be noisy/active which made it really bad that Jessica was being noticed.) My husband finally picked Jessica up and was carrying her out to do some correction. As luck would have it, everything got really quiet for a few seconds, just long enough for a certain 4 yr old, to loudly (mid-sob) say, “Ya’ll pray for me!” Needless to say, there were many snickers (including the pastor) as my husband got to the back door. BTW Ross was able to hold his poker face until after he and Jessica came to an understanding about appropriate church behaviour! I’m glad it was him, I was too busy rolling on the pew!

  25. RGLHM says:

    Proud to say that when we plan to leave at 11:10am that we get there on time for 11:30am. And for the past two weeks I haven’t eaten breakfast on the way. Three cheers for me.

    Funny Story: just last SUnday Milly started doing ballet in the isles and when I took her out for the second time she started screaming “DANCE IN SACRAMENT”,
    “DANCE IN SACRAMENT”!!!! Who’s kid is she???

  26. Alissa says:

    we have 9am church. And even though I have all clothes set out the night before, all lessons packed and the diaper bag packed… we’re still late. This Sunday’s goal: leave house by 8:30a. Church is 5 minutes away.

  27. Tigersue says:

    We have 8:30 church and I’m still trying to figure out how to get a 3 month old, a toddler(almost 21 months), two older kids(15 and 12) and myself out the door in time. (my husband can take care of himself!) I have come to the conclusion that I must shower the night before, and wake up at least by 6 am. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t. How do people do it with more than 2 little kids!!!!!

Comments are closed.