Is Your Jaw Wired Shut?

Then you should join me for lunch today. I just boiled some noodles for about 45 minutes before I remembered they were on the stove. They are now drinkable and have lost all nutritional value. I’d be happy to share.

jump-aerobicsOn Wednesday Laylee and I were doing step aerobics, I on my stepper and Laylee on the bathroom stool. Laylee was hardcore, arms pumping, bouncing, huffing and puffing. I was rendered temporarily blind by the sweat glistening down my face and into my eyes.

As the blindness set in, Perky Aerobics Lady worked us up to a frenzy of complicated, lung-crushing moves and told us that we were doing great. I’m surprised she had time to notice little ol’ us when she was currently leading women in thousands of homes across the country but maybe she’s magic… like Santa Claus. We were doing very well. No coal’s gonna be shoved in MY orthopedic insoles.

A moment later, PA Lady beamed, “If you want to make it harder…..” and Laylee yelled, “Ugh! I don’t want to make it HARDER!”

“Me neither Laylee. Why would anyone want to make it harder?”

Later we had a talk about how sometimes hard things can be fun, discussion led by me. (I had finished working out and, having regained my sight and my breath, was feeling like a fitness goddess by this time.)

I believe it’s true that some of the hardest things in life are the most rewarding but I also think sometimes we make things harder then they need to be.

Posted in all about me, family fun, parenting | 12 Comments

Another Reason I Rule

I like the look on Magoo’s face as he hyperventilates dandelion spawn all over our freshly mowed lawn more than I hate the weeds.

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Posted in domesticality, kid stuff | 12 Comments

Well That Was Fun

So yesterday morning started with my eyes snapping open at 6am. I tugged at Dan, my entire body a ball of Christmas morning-like energy. “Heeeheeee. I’m gonna be on TV in 2 hours. Heeeheeee.”

He was unannoyed but unmoved as I rocked him back and forth with my hands. “Heeheee. Are you excited? I’m famous. I’m famous for the day, remember?”

tsparty3Shortly after 7am my posse started arriving with food and kids. Eve brought crepes and several other friends showed up for a potluck breakfast in our pajamas. The kids ran around in total chaos and we ate and analyzed the little teasers for my segment.

Continue reading

Posted in parenting, technology, world domination | 51 Comments

Welcome Mat

So welcome to the world of the BLOG. Sounds scary, eh? Really it’s not. Take off your shoes and make yourselves comfortable. Pajamas are welcome here. And chocolate.

Topics covered on this site include but are not limited to:

Garage Sales, Solid Food, X-rays, Snow White, Mullets, Karate, Self-preservation, Worm Sweat, Beef and Tweens, Sweetness, Weaners, Piglet, NASA, Deet, Rejection, Insects, Illiterate Cows, Toothbrushes, Heartache, Signs, The Ark, Orphans, Movie Reviews, Urban Legends, Songs, Hertz, Deoderant, Pigs Feet, Holes, Reversion, Rabid Demonic Cows, and Sonnets.

Take a moment to look around. Then go start your own. You know you want to. These girls will show you how.

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Posted in Blogging | 38 Comments

The Analytics of Sympathy — A Training Guide for All Persons of the Child-ish Persuasion

Tonight as I was giving Laylee and Magoo their bath, life was a dream and a song. Everyone was happy and splashy and damp. Magoo was pouring water over Laylee’s head. She loved it and then suddenly she so didn’t love it. She hated it. Water was evil. Water must be stopped. The only way she could think to stop it was with the piteous siren of screaming death.

Do you wanna know how much sympathy I have for the piteous siren of screaming death? Continue reading

Posted in education, kid stuff, parenting | 29 Comments

Chili Mania

It started a few weeks ago. Laylee stood transfixed as I read Chilihead’s blog. “Who is THAT?”

“That’s Chilihead.”

“He he he. She has a CRA-ZY nose!”

“Yep.”

“I like her”

“Me too.”

Laylee can spot Chili’s site from across the room and she’ll run over to watch me read. The other night as I was putting her to bed, she said, “If you go on the computer and see a lady with a crazy nose, that’s named Chilihead!” And she laughed and laughed.

I told Chili about Laylee’s obsession and she made it her mission in life to find Laylee a schnoz. So I told Laylee that a special package from Chilihead was coming in the mail any day. Continue reading

Posted in Blogging, family fun, fashion | 32 Comments