Passive Aggressive Christmas Cards

Dan and I wrap several presents for each other every Christmas. They’re mostly small things, DVDs, gift cards, a vegetable brush shaped like a tuna. On each present we place a stick-on gift tag and address it with a different set of cutesie nicknames.

To: Papa-sicle, Love: Mama-Pop
To: Computer Geek, from: Hot Blogger
To: Sugar Face, from: Googly Bear
To: Daddy Dan, Love: Mama Kate

These are meant to be funny, sometimes cute and always a teensy bit embarrassing. We stole the tradition from my parents who also frequently kissed while exchanging presents. I know. Gross. But here I am a parent myself and I’m doing the exact same thing.

Laylee disapproves of this tradition, not because of the gross shmooptitude or even the fact that it’s sometimes hard to figure out which present goes to whom at a family gathering. Her all-seeing eye of disapproval is turned towards us because we use sticky labels instead of making elaborate hand-written cards for each present.

She caught me doing this the week before Christmas and asked, “Aren’t you going to make a card for that present?”

“Nope,” I responded.

She looked disgusted. “Fine,” she said, “I’ll do it.”

I was confused. Afterall, it was my present to Dan. She took the name off the sticky label, “Daddy Dan” and incorporated it into this passive aggressive Christmas card.

The envelope:

“Because Mom didn’t want to.”

And then inside the card:

She then stuck this card onto my present for Dan over top of my sticky label. She made no secret that the actual present was from me but that due to my extreme laziness, she had needed to step in and take the gift to the next level.

I applaud her use of parentheses at the bottom of the card where she reiterates my lack of card-making desire. This mom person must be quite the shmuck, I’ll tell you what.

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13 Responses to Passive Aggressive Christmas Cards

  1. grammyelin says:

    I would absolustely love it if little Laylee would like to come over and “take up the slack” on all the things “I don’t want to”. I could come up with a huge list. There’s dusting and sweeping and getting those pesky crumbs off the counter. The bathrooms could use a good scrubbing and the dog needs brushing. How about vacuming or ironing?

    I think I’ll keep making the cards myself, though – – – Complete with mushy made up names.

  2. that is perhaps the funniest thing i’ve read all day!

  3. Mother of the Wild Boys says:

    She sure keeps you on your toes!

  4. Heffalump says:

    Wow…I think a sticky label is pretty fancy! We just write right on the wrapping paper with a Sharpie! Don’t tell Laylee, I don’t want her to think poorly of me…

  5. Pam in Utah says:

    Oh MY! I applaud her for the desire for perfectionism in the area of the art of presentation, as I am pretty slack in that area, myself. We all know she didn’t get that from me, for sure! In my defense, and yours, sometimes we run out of time doing some other important things we don’t want to, but that still have to be done, or that we’d rather do! It’s hard to know when things are important, and what things you should take time to do. I gottta get better at note writing, though. Send her up here to teach me a thing or two, please! Oh what fun that would be!

  6. Carrie says:

    I do believe that is the definition of snarky. I like this girl.

  7. Hahaha Laylee is an absolute sweetheart. She is right though, card-writing should be considered sacred 🙂

  8. oinorton says:

    oh my! that is hilarious!

  9. Emily says:

    Thanks for the laugh. I better not invite Laylee to my house though, we are lucky to get names on the gifts at all.

  10. Andrea says:

    that’s awesome.
    Next year you can employ her to do the cards for each present.
    I don’t like that job either.

  11. Christina says:

    Hilarious! I’m with Heffalump, we write on the paper with a Sharpie sometimes. Laylee would be so disappointed!

  12. Heather says:

    Ummm… how did I miss this post. This is the best thing Laylee has ever done!

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