Holiday Movie Readiness Questionnaire

We’ve been showing the kids our favorite Christmas movies. Most have been smashing successes. Home Alone, although funny to Laylee, came across as a total horror movie to Magoo. If you’re planning on watching it with your little ones this holiday season, please ask yourself the following.

1. Is your child afraid of abandonment and/or being left alone with no parental support for days on end?
2. Do you like the idea of your child watching another child yell, “I hate you,” to his parents?
3. Is your child afraid of the dark or afraid of murderers with bloody hands, large menacing shovels and trashcans full of salt that turn their victims’ bodies into mummies?
4. Do you want to give your child 100 different ideas for ways to destroy your house?
5. Is your child sensitive to watching another child being ignored, bullied, belittled, yelled at and in all other ways verbally abused?
6. Do you want to teach your child an important lesson about organized crime back in the days of black and white, where a mobster will count to 10 (incorrectly) before “pumping your guts full of lead” with a loud and terrifying round of blasts from a machine gun, while smoking a cigar and emitting an evil cackle over your lifeless body?
7. Does your child ever suffer from nightmares that “bad guys” are roaming the streets plotting ways to break into your house?
8. Do you want your child to suffer from those nightmares?
9. Do you want to explain what a porn stash is?
10. Do you want to explain what the phrase “French babes don’t shave their pits” means?
11. Are you looking for a good way to talk to your children about shoplifting and/or vandalism?

Luckily Laylee was old enough to discern the difference between a funny bad guy and a scary bad guy. Luckily I’m pretty quick with a mute button. But seriously, what was funny when I was 12 is not so much of funny when I’m the mother of a 4-year-old. I’ve got to prescreen these things.

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13 Responses to Holiday Movie Readiness Questionnaire

  1. It is fascinating what the different ages see in a movie. We let the girls watch the first part of Rocky Horror and the younger thought Tim Curry was fabulous while the elder kept saying he was wearing far too much lipstick!!
    I, on the the other hand, couldn’t get over how short Tim is, LOL.
    I like Home Alone 2, with the interaction with the Bird Lady (and Tim Curry is in it)
    OK OK, I like Tim Curry
    Alan Rickman rocks too.
    sorry, got off topic there…
    great post with good points

  2. Christina says:

    Home Alone is an awesome movie! But your points are definitely valid! Merry Christmas =)

  3. Janel says:

    Motherhood gives us a whole new set of lenses. Your Mall trip/Victoria Secret post is still a classic to me.

  4. Janel says:

    In other words, Hollywood is not paying you to recommend Home Alone.

  5. Kork says:

    Yeah…we only watch the “true” classics…you know, Rudolph, Charlie Brown, the animated Grinch with the story being narrated in the background…there’s NO WAY I’m letting my kids watch something like Home Alone or Christmas Story or even something as innocuous as It’s a Wonderful Life at this point…oy!

    Hoping Magoo isn’t too scarred!

  6. Heather says:

    Thanks for the head’s up. Much appreciated.

    Amazing the results of looking at the world through a child’s eyes. My own little realization recently involved walking the two and a half blocks to the elementary school with my kindergartner on a very slick and snowy morning because I was not in the mood to get into a fender-bender that day. It was very enjoyable walking in his footsteps all the way there. As I began my return trip, the crossing guard made some comment about walking in such weather. My reply was, “Walking here was an adventure. Heading home is just walking in the snow.”

  7. Hahaha hilarious. It was pretty funny when I was little…


  8. Michelle says:

    Now that you mention it, Home Alone is rather scary. Or at least, cringe-worthy. And by cringe-worthy I’m not so much referring to language or mature references as to simply watching people get hurt a lot. I mean, ow.

  9. Aunt Murry says:

    Merry Christmas Daring One! May all the blessings of the season be with you and yours now and through the year to come!

  10. Oh my! I’ve actually never seen that movie… but now I feel like I have. 🙂

    Before you show them the next holiday classic, check out…. it rates movies 1-10 on three scales (violence, sexuality, profanity) and actually lists all the instances of sexuality, violence, and profanity in the context they occur. It also has summary of the issues that come up in the film.

    It’s pretty awesome and I’m sorry if I sound like an infomercial — I am not affiliated with them at all!

    Off to read my porn stash… Ooops, I mean, magazines.

  11. SuncadiaDad says:

    I am right there with you. We watched E.T. with our 5-year old last month. I cringed at the s-bomb which luckily went over his head. There were lots of other moments including kids not treating each other nicely and brother-sister banter that did not seem so bad back as a teenager in the 80s.

  12. kamana says:

    good questions! my little ones are 7 and 4 and i find that what works for my elder may not be appropriate for my younger (who is terrified of even the ursula bits of the little mermaid cartoon).

  13. Danielle says:

    This is SO TRUE! I am seriously disilllusioned with Toy Story right now, as I hear my barely 2 year old yell “Stupid dog!” and my 4 year old tell me, “Shut up, just SHUT UP!” I guess the only safe movies are Baby Einstein. And older kids love those.

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