I Plan to Become a Millionaire

This morning I was spending some sweet quality time with my squishable water-filled newborn. Sunlight was filtering in through the window of my cozy bedroom and I was sitting next to her on the bed. She looked so precious and perfect except for a bright red gash, newly carved into her pudgy cheek.

“Stop scratching yourself baby!” I urged, “I think we’re gonna have to start calling you Scar Face.”

I’ve filed her nails. We’ve tried the little mittens and the pjs with the fold-over sleeves on the ends. She gets the mittens off like a fat little cross-eyed Houdini with dark duck down for hair. She spends her life trying to punch through those fold-over sleeves. They are a great burden to her.

Looking at her latest injury, I thought of the perfect solution – plastic face shields like you can buy for your PDA but made for babies! I know, right? Best idea ever. They would stick onto the baby’s face with a light, dermatologist-tested adhesive, completely covering baby’s face except for the eyes, mouth and nostrils. They would be transparent so you could still see your baby’s face, although it would look a little like you were viewing it through a window that it was being smooshed up against. But who doesn’t think it’s cute when tiny little kids smoosh their faces up against windows? Tell me. Who?

Then the baby could scratch and scratch all she wanted without doing any damage. She’d be happy and ready for her next photo shoot at a moment’s notice.

If anyone’s interested in buying this idea for mass production and sale, please email me. Serious inquiries only.

This entry was posted in baby stuff, family fun, money, save me from myself, scaring the neighbors, world domination. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to I Plan to Become a Millionaire

  1. Heffalump says:

    I think that it will be right up there with my human hand idea. You know how babies like to chew on people’s fingers…well now instead of a plastic teether, you can give them a lifelike human hand to chew on. Complete with knuckle hair and customizable fingernails…I’ll let you know when the cash starts rolling in…

  2. FawnDear says:

    I think you could market this to all kids. That way when they have scratches or zips they won’t be eternally picking at their faces. However mushed zips smoshed up against the mask my be a bit unappealing.

  3. The lack of sleep is really paying off for you, isn’t it? Puts your brain in just the right “zone” for brilliance!!

  4. Keyona says:

    My daughter used to take off the little mitten things to but I found the gowns with the fold over mittens worked great!

  5. Janel says:

    How do you have time (and brain power) to invent products and blog as a postpartum mom? Way to go!

  6. Janel says:

    That was definitely meant as a compliment, although now that it’s in print it sounds rather condescending. Here’s to a speedy recovery for you. And for Wanda’s cheek.

  7. grammyelin says:

    It sounds like a good idea to me. When the millions start rolling in, just remember who protected your little face from self-destruction.

  8. Katy says:

    Long time reader, first time commenter. Congrats on baby Wanda.
    I also thought of a scratching deterrent. The need to make a small one of those plastic neck crowns that they put on dogs to keep them from licking their stiches. Maybe we could market them together.
    Hehe, just kidding of cource.

  9. Katy says:

    Eww..sorry about the spelling. I knew that was wrong as soon as I typed it.

  10. HAHAHA you’re hilarious! You have to copyright this at once.


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