I was a mom pretty much all day today. Here is my report:
I cruelly forced someone to wear pants outside in 40-degree weather.
I cut peanut-butter sandwiches in the shape of dinosaurs and delivered them to an alfresco restaurant-for-2 at the end of our driveway.
I danced like a lunatic while driving in my car. My passengers said I was good. I chose to believe them.
I changed shirts twice but never showered.
I calmly explained AGAIN why people under the age of 30 should never use permanent markers… ever.
I threw away 3 packs of wipes that had been left open and dried out completely. Yes. I heard the earth and Sheryl Crow scream out in pain and betrayal.
I received a visitor while sitting upon the throne who proceeded to hug and cuddle me tenderly while I peed… just because of love.
When they asked “Why,” I answered. All day long.
I held a large child like a baby while he cried and showed me his bonk. Twice.
I giggled on the escalator while holding hands with a boy and agreed that it was “JUST LIKE A RIDE!”
I tried to play a girly ballad on the car stereo but was told, “That song’s scary!” “No it’s not,” I retorted. He responded, “It’s not scary to YOU, but it’s scary to ME.” I navigated my Zune back to Eye of the Tiger.
I sat out on the front porch to sort the mail so they could keep playing outside until it was All the Way Dark.
When asked to squeeze the ketchup in the shape of a dinosaur, I did my best but was informed that it looked more like an AT-AT.
I purchased the socks with the grey bottoms even though they cost 50 cents more because they help him run so much faster.
After 3 hours of hard work, I unearthed a parking spot in our garage and put my car in it, only to be scared and confused when I went to leave for a meeting and found that the car was “missing” from the driveway.
I sat in a meeting full of other moms, animatedly discussing ways of extorting money from friends and family to support education. An award called a “Golden Acorn,” professional jump-ropers, and nominating people to be on a committee to nominate people were all discussed at the meeting as well.
I picked up two slugs with my bare hands and threw them to freedom so the children’s squealing would stop. One was on a rubber ball. One was on my living room carpet. They felt like congealed slime… because they were.
Upon request I composed two original songs, one called, “Hooky Joojie” and the other called, “Mommy, the Laylee’s Mommy,” sung to the tune of Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer.
I heard two people pray about how much they loved me.
Today I was a mom. It’s not a bad gig.
You do your job very well, i give you a raise and bonus!
Lol! you rock!
yes, yes. yes. you have covered just about everything. laughing on missouri.
I am a mother of four, and nearing the end of the ‘active’ parenting phase of my ‘gig’. I laughed and smiled. Thank you so much!
That may be about the best post I’ve read, maybe ever! It is a great gig, and thank you for reminding me to remember that 🙂 So, does he like the socks with the multi-colored bottoms? Mine swear by their speedpower! Happy momming, and thanx for sharing!
He prefers the colored bottoms but they were out of stock. Grey is almost a color…
This post was really great, greater, I think, than your usual great posts. Being Mommy is certainly an adventure!
Thanks Faith. It was a good day.
I’m having heart palpitations over the tossed wipes. Kathryn! You live in Seattle! Don’t they know how to save dried out wipes there? GET THEM WET AGAIN! As in, with the same stuff that dried out of them. Put them in a sandwich tupperware, add water, voila! Did you know you can even wash the dang things in your regular laundry and reuse them at least a couple of times? Think of all the space in the landfill saved by just a few threads of polyester.
There, I feel a little better. Except I now need to go throw up at the thought of touching slugs with bare skin, and no spatulas.
I should have added you to the list of people screaming. I rescued 2 of the packs out of the garbage in your honour.
Oh phew! But I never screamed, I just swooned. But now I feel immensely better.
Whew!
Awsome! The life of a mom is PRICELESS!
Slugs with bare hands? Eeeeewwww! That is one thing that I really would think twice before doing even for my beloved children.
Thank you for including conversing on the throne in your list of motherhood responsibilities. It’s so true! Very sweet.
I love when your blog makes me laugh out loud like a crazy person at work 🙂
Not only were you a mom, you were a great mom. Well done.
It’s a GREAT gig! So glad I got to share it with you.
I love this. Isn’t it nice to be good at your job?
Kathryn –
Why you don’t have a best seller sitting on the shelves at Borders is confusing to me.
Seriously.
And I’m not “just saying that” because I’m only one tank full of gas away from stalking you once you’re famous. 😉
You are an incredibly gifted writer + a fantastic mom.
Debra
I’m working on it. Truly. It’s not even a mom book but I’m plugging away a little at a time and when it comes out, you can totally stalk me to lunch.
i loved this post. way to relish the day!
I can relate to just about every single thing in this post. Great way to explain to people who wonder what at-home moms do all day! Oh, and the slug thing? You are so much braver than I am. When I found a slug inside the other day, I had to pick it up using a giant mass of paper towels as a buffer so no bare skin would touch the slime. You are truly the DARING young mom and if I had a hat, it would be off to you.
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loved it!
It’s a great job, isn’t it? You’re awesome.
Beautiful, just beautiful. And so true. Thank you!
You give moms a good name. Thanks!
EXCELLENT post!!! Thanks for sharing!
Thiis post wore me out just reading it!
I hope you don’t mind. I linked your post to our MOPS (Mother’s of Preschoolers) blog…I’ll probably read it at the next meeting. Thanks for sharing your gig with the rest of us… 🙂
That’s really kind. Thank you so much. I was hoping it would sound familiar to a lot of you out there. Except for the not showering part. I wish you all much better hygiene than that. 🙂
You were THE mama…the best
I made a pumpkin pie and the 7yo boy who loves pumpkin pie more than any other dessert in the whole world came up and gave me a hug about three hours before dinner and hugged me, looked up and said, “That’s because you made me pumpkin pie. And I love you.”
That’s all for me today. I was a mom, but not as awesome a mom as you, that’s for sure. You really gave. And gave. And gave.
Why do you think I chose this mom-day to blog? If you think every day is like this, I’ve seriously misrepresented myself. It was a good one.
Love the pumpkin pie story. Anyone who can raise a 7-year-old boy to be that sweet is doing something RIGHT!
Oh I love this so much! Being a mom is the best, even when it’s hard right?! 🙂 thanks for sharing today!
I agree with the mom who asked why you’re not already on The View talking about your latest novel, the one where you explain how to make up lyrics to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, for ALL the holidays – and then some.
When are you letting me photograph you?
When this third eye shrinks from off my face. Seriously I have not broken out this bad since I was 15. Soon, I hope. I saw your gorgeous work up at the gym and I recognized it from across the room.
I was a mom at 3:00 in the morning and … well, your day sounds like a lot more fun than my middle-of-the-night adventure!
It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who manages to change clothes without showering once in a while.
And the bathroom thing–around here, upon being told bathroom activities deserve privacy, my daughter starts a whole new round of the “But, why???” game.
Sometimes, I just give up and tell her I’ve run out of answers and she’ll have to check back tomorrow to see if I’ve been restocked.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets hugs of love on the throne. My husband thinks I’m weird to let her hug me then, but the happiness on her face is too much to reject. I think maybe she’s so happy because she knows I’m trapped.
I’ve never been to your blog before – I was linked up through Boomama’s blog… and I’m so glad I did. I loved this post. I don’t have children yet… hubby and I are waiting for a little longer… but I so appreciated your words. This motherhood gig does sound pretty amazing and rewarding and I am looking forward to it very longingly. Thank you for sharing with us.
Yep, you nailed it.
I just read this to my wife, who is a “daring young mother” of two little boys and I was the one who was crying at the end.
Beautiful. Love it.
YOU ARE A GREAT MOM!
Wow, I’m exhausted from your post but had to laugh about the cuddling during your pee break…I don’t know how many times my daughter just walks in when I’m doing my business to ask me questions, tell me something or ask me to help her look for something…lol
I agree. A very great post, even amid all your very great ones!
Good job, Mom. 😉
well said! What a great post!
Just love this, and I’m sharing it with my friends via a link from my blog. I’ll be back 🙂
Oh I love it!…SO MUCH! I can relate to all of it, except the slugs. I don’t do slugs but I will squash a bug with my ultra thick charmin:)
I was with you till the slugs. That makes me scream way more than throwing out the wipes. {i do that too… sshhh}
M A M A ‘ S R O C K !!!
Love it! All the fun little things that make up our big job!
I love it!! Your post has reminded me to take time to enjoy all of the simple “mom” experinences that happen in a day and to remember how important it is to be present in the moment for your children.
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I absolutely LOVED this!!! Let me tell you, we’ve all been there with the bathroom thing. A lot of the time my 17month old all but insists on sitting on my lap while I’m in there. My husband won’t let him into the bathroom when he’s in there and the poor boy will lay outside the door crying!! And kudos on the slugs, this mommy would need rubber gloves and paper towels before I even thought about touching a slug! ICK!
Amazing post. On almost every single line I said “I’ve done that”. 🙂
Keep up the good work.
Now that was a great post!
This is so loving and touching. Kids grow up in a blink of an eye. Cherish it all.
WHAT?! You made your child wear pants?! That is the ultimate punishment for a 5yo princess… I have heart palpitations every time I have to tell her to change b/c it’s 50 degrees below zero in Michigan and she wants to run errands with daddy. As for sharing toilet time, I can occasionally be seen (only by members of my family) sitting on the throne with a child or two, or maybe just one, on my lap just for the sake of peace.
Loved your blog. It made me laugh and reminded me of one of my days. I just wish you hadn’t thrown away baby wipes. You can rewet them and use or just dust with them. I rewet and wipe down woodwork,shoes car interior, etc….