Today I Was a Mom

I was a mom pretty much all day today. Here is my report:

I cruelly forced someone to wear pants outside in 40-degree weather.

I cut peanut-butter sandwiches in the shape of dinosaurs and delivered them to an alfresco restaurant-for-2 at the end of our driveway.

I danced like a lunatic while driving in my car. My passengers said I was good. I chose to believe them.

I changed shirts twice but never showered.

I calmly explained AGAIN why people under the age of 30 should never use permanent markers… ever.

I threw away 3 packs of wipes that had been left open and dried out completely. Yes. I heard the earth and Sheryl Crow scream out in pain and betrayal.

I received a visitor while sitting upon the throne who proceeded to hug and cuddle me tenderly while I peed… just because of love.

When they asked “Why,” I answered. All day long.

I held a large child like a baby while he cried and showed me his bonk. Twice.

I giggled on the escalator while holding hands with a boy and agreed that it was “JUST LIKE A RIDE!”

I tried to play a girly ballad on the car stereo but was told, “That song’s scary!” “No it’s not,” I retorted. He responded, “It’s not scary to YOU, but it’s scary to ME.” I navigated my Zune back to Eye of the Tiger.

I sat out on the front porch to sort the mail so they could keep playing outside until it was All the Way Dark.

When asked to squeeze the ketchup in the shape of a dinosaur, I did my best but was informed that it looked more like an AT-AT.

I purchased the socks with the grey bottoms even though they cost 50 cents more because they help him run so much faster.

After 3 hours of hard work, I unearthed a parking spot in our garage and put my car in it, only to be scared and confused when I went to leave for a meeting and found that the car was “missing” from the driveway.

I sat in a meeting full of other moms, animatedly discussing ways of extorting money from friends and family to support education. An award called a “Golden Acorn,” professional jump-ropers, and nominating people to be on a committee to nominate people were all discussed at the meeting as well.

I picked up two slugs with my bare hands and threw them to freedom so the children’s squealing would stop. One was on a rubber ball. One was on my living room carpet. They felt like congealed slime… because they were.

Upon request I composed two original songs, one called, “Hooky Joojie” and the other called, “Mommy, the Laylee’s Mommy,” sung to the tune of Rudolf the Red-nosed Reindeer.

I heard two people pray about how much they loved me.

Today I was a mom. It’s not a bad gig.

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84 Responses to Today I Was a Mom

  1. DeNae says:

    See, you get it. If I could be reincarnated I’d come back as you. Although I suppose that would leave YOU in a pickle. If I’m you, then I suppose you’d have to be me. That’s not all bad, of course, but I’m much older than you are and I would probably set the ball on fire before ever touching the slug attached to it. If the slug were in my living room, we’d just have to move.

    So, if you’d prefer to be a middle-aged BTDT (been there, done that) mom, let me know and I’ll look into the cosmic implications of switching places.

    I bet there are a bunch of forms to fill out. (And what would we use for ID? Hmmm…)

  2. Joel says:

    Wonderful 🙂

  3. It’s got to be a scary thing to lose your car in your own garage (that made me laugh the loudest) and I’m so glad Sarah broke the news about the wipes so I didn’t have to.

  4. Carol F says:

    This post makes me proud to be a mom. Thank you!

  5. Dianne says:

    What a poignant post. Excellent reminder to moms everywhere. 😀

  6. Kathryn, this was beautiful.

  7. amanda says:

    thank you,so funny so true and touching reminds me of my days . dont you just love this job?

  8. bee says:

    Love this post!

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  10. Brian Flatow says:

    Nice job, Mom!

  11. kittyhox says:

    Aw, why do you always have to make me tear up right at the end.

    It reminds me that I’m the luckiest person in the world because I get to spend all day every day with my son. The funny moments and affection are worth all the tantrums, lack of privacy, and messes.

    My son also like to follow me into the little potty room inside our bathroom and either give me hugs or turn off the lights and shut the door so we’re in total darkness, because we’re “hiding.” I figure it’s good practice in case there is ever a burglar.

  12. Overwhelmed says:

    Perfect! I love it! 🙂

  13. DianaGainer says:

    It’s a great job, ain’t it? And to think at moments I occasionally thought about resigning! I couldn’t seem to get no replacements though, I’m glad to report. Did you ever pause to reflect on why, at two years, they suddenly insisted on kissing their own boo-boos? Did that even make sense? Did you ever have any spectacular misunderstandings with the doctor, like carting two hysterically screaming boobelehs in to find out why they cried 22 hours of the day, to have him insist that you make them stop crying so’s he could talk to you? Or did your child come home from school and tell you he learned that the reason they call it the Blue Bonnet Plague is ’cause it made folks break out in a blue rash on their noggins the shape of a bonnet? Yeah, I guess that was me and mine! Gotta laugh! They do grow up though. Then we miss those days.

  14. Elizabeth says:

    Wow! that’s an awesome post! Nevermind that you make my mothering skills look like the underdog of the year’s! I’m definitely visiting your blog again : )

    • That’s why the title was “TODAY” I was a mom. Every day is not like that. This was one day when I felt like I really got it done. I won’t write about what I did yesterday… Thanks for stopping by.

  15. Keri says:

    Just stumbled across this post – thanks for sharing. Some days are easier than others, and sounds like you had a great day here. Thanks for helping us all to keep it in focus.

  16. kathy says:

    First off, great writing talent!!!!
    Second, thank you. I have four kids. Single mom. Some days I wonder what I have accomplished, and usually come up with = ??? nada. Your essay made me review my day. Holy cow, it is amazing that I even got a load of laundry done. What, with bugs and boo-boos and potty parties! You made me think about how important those little things are……

  17. I’m all choked up. That’s pretty much how my good parenting days go, except I only have one left to do these sorts of things with. The other two are too grown up, save moments of temporary insanity.

  18. Marion says:

    I sat here reading and laughing the whole time. I was relating to everything, especially the kissing of bonks, and the visits whilst on the throne. Thank you!!

  19. sarah says:

    i love this! i go through these same situations everyday, times 3, and thank the gods for every moment!

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