The Halloween Witch

The Halloween Witch – Thaaat’s what they call me, folks.

I am oh-so-done with my children running around at warp speed with their volume turned up to “shatter”. The candy was fun. The candy was beloved. The candy is now gone. And my kids are grateful. The entire neighborhood and my fellow Target shoppers are probably grateful too.

candyFirstly, I will say that I refuse to ration candy or fight with my kids for weeks on end after the tricking and the treating are over. If I’ve dragged them from house to house in the cold begging for sugar, I refuse to then take all the sugar away on the grounds that it’s not good for them.

For the two days following Halloween, I let the sugar flow free throughout the house. Food was substituted by refined enamel-dissolving carbs and the children alternately rejoiced and melted down. It was too much for their little brains to handle.

Magoo woke the second morning calling for me in sadness. I entered his room to find him sitting up looking half asleep and mumbling to himself.

Me: Good morning!
Magoo: Umph.
Me: You wanna get up?
Magoo: No.
Me: You wanna come to mommy?
Magoo: No.
Me: You wanna stay in bed?
Magoo: No.
Me: What do you want?
Magoo: Uh…my canny.
Me: You want your candy?
Magoo: YEAH!!!

With that he jumped into my arms.

And so I told my children the legend of the Halloween Witch. She comes in the night 48 hours after spook day, searching for candy. If you leave what’s left of your stash on the front porch by the rotting pumpkins, she will whisk it away to dad’s office her Witch’s palace and leave a present in its place.

An Offering to the Pagan Witch of Blessed Sanity
An Offering to the Pagan Witch of Blessed Sanity

My kids gleefully binged for 2 days and then decided to take their chances with door number 3. Behind door number 3 they found a mechanical snorting baby pig and a BIG TRUCK!!!!! Their joy was full and those little stinkers were able to eat candy all day today too because they had tricked the witch by deviously squirreling chocolate away in their carseats, bits of bit-o-honey under their beds and half-licked linty lollipops in purses and bags.

They look forward to gathering candy for the witch next year and I look forward to them slowing down tomorrow and detoxing enough to feel the pain when they slam their heads into the walls.

*** It’s 2012 and The Halloween Witch has visited every year since the writing of this post in 2007. It’s always voluntary but the kids see it as a no-brainer. This year I gave them the option of donating their candy directly to the troops in exchange for cash and bypassing the witch. They would have none of it. So I guess the witch will have to donate in their honor. I love the witch as much today as I did when we first met her and I hope you enjoy her as well! ***

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35 Responses to The Halloween Witch

  1. Awesome Mom says:

    I will have to remember that for next year!

  2. bananas says:

    the Halloween Witch ate all CJ’s candy. I looked in the mirror this morning and it appears that she ate ME too!

  3. Azucar says:

    I wanted to be horrified and execute discipline when my 3 year old found his stash of candy the day after the day after Halloween. I awoke to strewn candy wrappers across the living room. Instead of being horrified, I just figured he’s almost done, Hooray!!

  4. Ree says:

    What a great idea!!!! I wish I knew about this when Shortman actually trickortreated. It would have probably saved me millions of calories!

  5. Jana says:

    That’s the bets idea ever. Contact Hallmark, and I think we’ve got another holiday on our hands.

  6. HolleeAnn says:

    “detoxing enough to feel the pain when they slam their heads into the walls” HILARIOUS!

    found your blog, loved this post and i will most def be adding you to my link list…because i WILL BE BACK!!!

    great idea about the witch…i will be passing that one on.

  7. Stephanie says:

    We did it too! Of course, our witch hid the candy under her bed….

  8. Pingback: Where a little about a lot will take you a long way » The Story of The Halloween Witch

  9. Brook says:

    This is a great idea! I will remember that one!

  10. JenDub says:

    That is the greatest idea I have ever heard. I am tucking it away for when I have a trick-or-treater!

  11. You are hella smart. *makes notes for coming years*

    And your kids? They do be smart like momma.

    “Uh… my canny.”

    I am SO saying that the next time ANYONE asks me what I want. I don’t care who, and I don’t care how ‘tarded they think I am.

  12. Sketchy says:

    The Halloween Witch is an awesome idea.

  13. Ann says:

    My way of getting rid of the candy was much less creative and fun. Whenever I walked by the candy bowl, I grabbed a handful and tossed it. The kids just thought they were eating it faster than they actually were!

  14. Shalee says:

    That’s brilliant!

    Fortunately my kids keep their candy for a long time, are content with a piece or two a day for dessert and usually I wind up throwing it away around Christmas. They don’t even miss it… especially the Milk Duds that disappear around Halloween night.

  15. Kolleen says:

    Fantastic Idea! I am going to try that next year.

  16. Angela says:

    Pagan Witch of Blessed Sanity is HILARIOUS.
    You’re a comedic genius.

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  18. Pam in Utah says:

    GOOOOOD IDEAAAAA! Sure witch I’d thought of that when my kids were young! Cute picture!

  19. Nicki says:

    Very clever Mrs. Daring. I wish I had the self control to get rid of the candy. I need the Halloween Witch to get rid of my stash!

  20. MommyJ says:

    You are too funny. What an incredible idea. I keep all ours up high, but generally the kids get it whenever they want. After a few days, they seem to forget about it… tired of tummy aches I think!

  21. Rachel says:

    That’s a great idea! Somehow I have weird kids who not only do not want to eat candy all day but catch me sneaking their candy and tell me it’s bad for me.

  22. Pretty much ditto on that here at our household – only after about 3 days of non-stop candy not even the odd tootsie pop is appealing to them. Out of mind, out of mind. 🙂

  23. Kian says:

    you are BRILLIANT!

  24. Eileen says:

    Hey Mrs Daring Young, I’m new to your blog and it has quickly soared to the top of my favorites. Tell me, *how on earth* you have learned to write as you do. My goodness – what a gift. Maybe it’s some secret little confection that you nibble on all year ’round?! =) EE

  25. Loralee says:

    I only have two candy rules: Throw away wrappers and no eating candy in bed. After multiple warnings about the eleventyhundred wrappers they left everywhere and two days of sheets covered in sucker sticks and chocolate smears, the candy is in the trash.

    Yup. Witch, here.

  26. Lisa P says:

    We have the CANDY FAIRY who can come at any time of year provided you leave a bowl of candy on the porch. She survives on candy alone so she needs good little children to leave her some. She has been known to leave toys in exchange occassionally, but usually books. This Halloween, the bowl was so full that she left 9 books and all 3 kiddos were thrilled. We use her after birthday parties, Easter and any other time that large amounts of candy arrive in our home.

  27. Carrie says:

    That is an awesome idea!

  28. Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
    and everything I would like to be?


  29. falwyn says:

    Very cool. We may have to institute this ourselves.

    I think I’ll tell them it’s the Great Pumpkin, though. Because dude, the Great Pumpkin! I can’t pass that one up! 🙂

    Candy fairy is good too Lisa. 🙂

  30. camila says:

    This is just awesome. I love it!

  31. Rebekah says:

    That is the coolest idea! I was wondring what to do with all this stuff!

  32. sheena says:

    Ha! Great idea! You make me laugh too hard!

  33. Pingback: Tales of life with a girl on the go » Blog Archive » Second life for Halloween treats

  34. Allie says:

    Our family does this thing kind of like that except We call it the Great Pumpkin. The kids get to pick out about four or five peices of candy when they get home and we give the Great Pumpkin the rest. My kids don’t even miss it because they now have a new toy!

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