At Least My Sweatshirt has Features

As Worn in the MotherlandI’m sick and sickly, yo. My throat hurts in a way that makes my ears itch WAY down on the inside, WAY down where my ear canal connects to my gland canal connects to my hipbone. So I drank some tea and cleaned my house today, because if I’m gonna die, I want all Widower Dan’s casserole-bringing visitors to know what a good homemaker I was.

Tonight I coughed so hard that I sent myself into a spasm of “musculoskeletal discomfort” on the left side of my chest. I refrained from running to the ER… this time.

sweatshirt-features-002I sneeze, shiver and pull the drawstrings tighter on my hoodie. Ahhhh, the hoodie. How I love this hoodie. This hoodie has more special features than the Matrix DVD.

1. It’s extra-long to cover 2/3 of my personal person with snug ribbing at the bottom to prevent drafts but no bunching at the band to give me an upside down muffin top. It doesn’t give me any streusel topping either.

2. It’s fitted to show off my girlish figger.

3. The hood has an uber-plush rim to cushion my eyebrows comfortably.

4. It comes equipped with a fuzzy woodland creature to subtly suggest my Canadian heritage without knocking people over with my blatant patriotism.


5. It has holes in the cuffs.


They’re on purpose. They’re for thumbs to live in.


sweatshirt-features-0086. It has an electronics grommet in the pocket. If I ever go back to Junior High, I’ll be all set to studiously avoid my parents, teachers and fellow classmates inexplicably with this super awesome iPod portal. My tiny ear buds will work their way secretly up the inside of my hoodie. With no visible cord and my hood pulled tightly around my face, I’ll be able to listen to my favorite K-Fed tunes on high volume, simultaneously damaging my hearing, zapping my brain of vital nerve endings, and alienating everyone around me because they have no idea why I won’t respond to anything they say.

For now I’m not responding to anything anyone says because I’m sick, yo. And not in a good way. Peace out and pass the Kleenex. I just need to leave a hood opening big enough for my nose to fit out and a bendy straw to fit in.

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32 Responses to At Least My Sweatshirt has Features

  1. I. LOVE. THE. THUMBHOLES. I have a sweatshirt I have had since I was 12 (no lie) that has thumbholes now, but they were not an original feature. Where did you get that piece of lovliness??? I totally want one!!!

  2. Rebekah says:

    I think that is the WAY coolest hoodie! I do hope you feel better…

  3. Heather says:

    Oh, feel better soon!

  4. Pamela says:

    Uhm, you do sound so sick of you can still blog and show us the great features of our sweatshirt.Pamela

  5. Jeana says:

    Well if you have to be sick, at least you’re doing it with style. You should go out for “So You Think You Can Be Sick?”

  6. Shalee says:

    Get better! (I suggest the consuming of chocolate soon.)

    And when you’re all better, tell me where you got that hoodie. I heart it and the thumb hole.

  7. Karen says:

    This post is reason 1,242 why I love you and am thankful to call you friend. You just plain rock, Katie.

    Get well soon. I did this exact same sick thing a few months ago. It is of the devil, yo.

  8. Andrea says:

    Love the hoodie. That’s awesome.
    Hope you feel better soon. and so sweet of you to clean for all the visitors coming soon. You’re so thoughtful and prepared.

  9. Emily R says:

    Thumb hole! Where did you find this treasure?

  10. Awesome Mom says:

    That is an awesome hoodie! Where did you get it? I hope you feel better soon!

  11. Pokeyann says:

    If you don’t tell me where you got THE hoodie from, I just may have to hijack a plane and stalk you to steal yours. That may be the most awesome, amazing, perfecto, wouldn’t ever take it off article of clothing ever AND it’s a HOODIE! But seriously, please, pretty, pretty, please with sprinkles on top?!

  12. Pokeyann says:

    P.S. Sorry, I got all drooly about the hoodie… I really hope you karate chop said sickness in the butt, reall soon, but I’m sure the magical hoodie will cure all. Feel better you amazing sick person who still cleans!

  13. Carrie says:

    Hope you get better soon, yo!

  14. Here’s a link to my hoodie at Roots. I bought it with birthday money from my mom and dad, which makes it all the more comforting to wear. I forgot to mention that it also zippers up from the bottom so I can let my belly hang out if I ever feel the need. Suh-weet.

  15. Carrie says:

    Love the sweatshirt- feel better soon!

  16. Melissa says:

    Okay, I think you need an “E-mail this to a friend” link for all your posts. It would make life easier for me, considering that I E-mail, like, every other one to my husband. Just something to consider….

  17. Rebecca says:

    Being sick sounds fun if you get to wear an awesome sweatshirt at the same time… I just get to be plain ol’ sick in my husband’s stupid grey sweatshirt. That’s no fun at ALL.

  18. Sarah says:

    I love it. I may have to get one now…

  19. ClistyB says:

    ya gotta love a ROOTS hoodie, eh? Loved mine till I got grease stains on it, thanks to some french fries. And the best part was when I got my package they sent along two cute coffee mugs! Bonus!

  20. Lynda says:

    Cool Hoodie, and if what you have is a rousing cold, you need to run, not walk, to your local pharmacy/health food store/big box everything store and get yourself some Emergen-C. It’s a great big dose of vitamin C that kicks illness to the curb and makes you feel better. Not only that it has many minerals and B vitamins and is safe for youngins. This time of year it’s just flat out a good idea. Or as Martha Stewart would say “It’s a good thing”.

  21. Melissa says:

    You’re funny even when you’re deathly ill. How do you do it?

  22. Lindsey says:

    Me too!! But I don’t have a cool hoodie to comfort me. I am coughing my lungs up. And I’m newly pregnant. I’ve been sick now for 10 days. Let’s get this over with!!

  23. Ah, every girl should have such a lovely hoodie.

    Hope you feel better soon!

  24. Aurelia says:

    Go ROOTS, eh!!! I love your blantant patriotism! Love the sweatshirt.
    Hope you feel better soon.

  25. Eve says:

    As Laylee would say…”It’s not fair!” Reopen the contest! I was too busy hunkering down for the storm and cleaning my house yesterday so we won’t trip over anything in the dark! I want the cookie cutters!

  26. Paige says:

    Nice hoodie, Dog. Get better soon.

  27. Karly says:

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, feel better, blah blah blah. WHERE, OH WHERE did you get THE HOODIE? I promise to begin caring about your sore throat as soon as you tell me where I can find my very own hoodie. Until then, I am holding my TLC hostage.

  28. Karly says:

    Um, hi. Looks like you posted the link to THE HOODIE and I totally missed it. So, yes, hope you’re feeling better soon, apologies for the earlier comment, go lay down and rest. Your chicken soup is in the mail.

  29. Heather says:

    LOL! You sound like me… so, I’m really laughing at myself here. Those super-cozy hoodies are great. I had one but after I washed it a couple of times our super-hard-water turned it all scratchy inside. Yeah, I Downeyed to no avail.
    Hope you feel better soon. Chicken soup with extra garlic!!

  30. Barb says:

    I think I might have to head on over to Roots! I hope you feel better.

  31. Annie says:

    Hey, I wanted to leave a comment on your gingerbread cookie cutters. I hope you are still tracking readers who are spitting and peeing their pants when they read your blog (You did do that right? I know I am crazy, but I am pretty sure about that.) and you can put my down for spitting and my little guy down for peeing. 🙂

  32. Your hoodie description had me cracking up – – especially because I’ve haven’t bought a new one in a while and didn’t know they had so many nifty features. I especially love the thumb holes and Ipod grommet. Now in they can add that to a sweater to wear to work, I’d be all set. ;0)

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