Please Buy a Calendar

Dan and I are a tad twisted. We are also literate and we have children. We like to read to them. We also encourage them to yell “helloooo” down storm drains to the imaginary people and piranhas who have made the sewer their home, but that’s neither here nor there.

I love how Dan always announces the title, author and illustrator before each story he reads. If none is listed, he’ll simply say, “Bunny Bedtime, by Nobody.” This makes me giggle every time. I also really really like it when he finds hidden meanings in the text. I’ve mentioned this before.

Recently Dan was reading Bunny Bedtime by Nobody.


Hop away, hop away fast little bunnies. You have no idea what subtle horror awaits you just a few short pages away.


Dan reads it this way: “Little bunnies are ready to eat. Fresh from the oven, they taste delicious in a stew.”

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate to write about bunnies being “ready to eat,” in a story intended for very young children. It’s a BOARD BOOK, for heck’s sake! It looks to me like they’re giving the rabbits treats just to fatten them up. Sickening. There are children reading this.

But don’t worry. I’ve got a sharpie and I’m not afraid to follow Strong Bad’s example and do some creative editing. Maybe the bunnies could be “ready to love,” “ready to take to the library,” or “ready to dress up in human clothing and lose all personal dignity doing a cute cuddly calendar photo shoot.”

Who doesn’t love the thought of a wittle bunny in designer jeans, suspenders and a ball cap? Hopefully no one who reads this blog.

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22 Responses to Please Buy a Calendar

  1. Jeana says:

    Too funny! When we memorized poetry recently, one of my kids recited a poem “by Anonymous”. That guy wrote a lot of stuff, didn’t he? And I love how he went bold with the one-name moniker, like Madonna or Sinbad.

  2. mommyknows says:

    I do the Dan thing. I’m pretty sure I had a teacher who insisted this be done before reading out loud.

    It came in handy when the my son was in kindergarten, he was the only kid who knew about authors and illustrators and of course I got BIG FAT brownie points with the teacher! I wasn’t a brown nosing kid, but I’m a brown nosing mom.

  3. Jenny says:

    you’re totally cracking me up.

  4. chilihead says:

    I’d write a great comment, but I can’t stop laughing long enough to think of one. Hilarious.

  5. Awesome Mom says:

    My sister had a bit of fun editing a board book that she gave to Evan. It was a fun book to read after.

  6. Millie says:

    My husband and I call each other “Bunny” but as part of our wedding vows, we will never be able to find out if we taste delicious in a stew.

  7. Kimberly says:

    My favourite book as a kid was a picture book of kittens dressed in human clothes, posed in a variety of scenes. I’ve seen the book recently, and only now realize just how miserable and tortured the poor things looked. The horror!

  8. Eve says:

    Okay that is a really cute quirk Dan has!

  9. RGLHM says:

    I love it! I too read the author and illustrator. It’s MIlly’s favourite part. I think I will start interpreting Dan style. It’s awesome.

  10. Michelle says:

    Sometimes when Andrew reads to the kids he’ll translate it into Spanish. They don’t understand a word but they love it anyway and it makes me giggle when he does his silly Tijuana inflections.

  11. Pam in Utah says:

    Oh cute cute Dan! Hey, I know where he GOT that from! 🙂 I bet his wonderful and creative mom read to him that way when HE was a kid! 🙂 mwaaahaha! I laugh and laugh! Good for him.:)

  12. sarah k. says:

    Dan’s dark side. Dark, Dark Dan. Danny Darko. Happy Birthday to Dan of the Dark on Monday!!!

  13. Mary C says:

    Can’t stop laughing. This was so funny, and I loved the strongbad link. His editing was awesome.

  14. Natalie says:

    My husband does this too. Someone is always dying a slow agonizing death in these sweet little kiddy books. The kids are oblivious to his antics, until they see me rolling on the floor laughing.
    And then of course they laugh because I’m sure mommy looks funny rolling on the floor at 6 months preggo.
    Good stuff. I’m lovin’ these men with imaginations. It makes them more romantic I think.

  15. Steph says:

    I read a flower book to my pre-k class every year, and every year, when I get to the line “two bunnies finding love in the flowers” it takes all that I have not to have a reaction!

  16. Barb says:

    Subliminal messages have jumped from vinyl albums to children’s books??? Crafty book makers.

  17. Hilarious. The subtext of kid’s books is so disturbing.

  18. Sketchy says:

    It’s really disturbing these twisted messages getting into children’s literature that way. And we wonder why kids are getting desensitized to violence.


  19. marian says:

    Hi, there. Newer DYM reader here. Pleased to meet you! Now, for the comment…

    And then there’s MY husband, coincidentally also named Dan, who has taught our children a most joyful springtime ditty. You’ll probably recognize it, and know the tune. Sung as cheerfully as possible, until the end : “Here comes Peter Cottontail! Hopping down the bunny trail! Hippity hoppity–BANG!” Poor bunnies. Poor children.

  20. Joy says:

    My husband loves to change up the stories he reads, I suppose just to see if the kids are paying attention. I’m so “proper” that it drives me crazy and I have to bite my tongue to not correct him. We’ve been reading Charlotte’s Web and he started asking our oldest son if he’d read the part yet about the aliens. Oh, I couldn’t hold my tongue for that one! Don’t destroy great literature! Of course, our son thought it was hilarious.

  21. grammyelin says:

    Man! Does this mean that I’m going to have to actually start reading the books I send for hidden DARK messages? On first perusal, I thought that book was “cute”.

  22. I believe it’s not inappropriate to write about bunnies being “ready to eat,” after all, thay can be delicious if properly prepared.

    “No two people are not on fire.” Awww, SB is always right on!.

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