My Life is so Exciting I Need to Sit Down

boneToday I found broken glass, a rusty screwdriver, a board with protruding nails and a large leg bone* behind the bamboo in our backyard. It took a few minutes for the creepy music to die down and then I calmed myself with the thought that someone in the neighborhood would have told me if a 3-foot-tall, weight-lifting midget had been murdered in my back yard. Now I’m wondering if Mother Hubbard is taking donations.

A few nights ago I dared Dan to call Korea and he said, “I don’t even know how to call Korea.”

So I googled “CALL KOREA” and voila, he had no choice. Heads up — server administrators in Korea who are hosting illegal phishing websites will pretend not to speak English. And then they will hang up on you, even if you’re the cutest boy. But it will be okay because your wife will still be proud of you for taking a dare and trying to save the world.

Today Laylee told Grammy that when Uncle Adam’s baby is born, we’ll know whether or not it’s a girl because if it’s a girl, it’ll wear a dress to church. Duh! I say we just abolish ultrasounds as a means of determining gender and we certainly won’t be needing THESE THINGS.

Dan let the kids drink the “corn water” from the Niblets can. This is apparently a delicacy in some households.

Being both a geek and a mom, I helped build a bridge.

Magoo colored his face with an orange marker.

Laylee held a worm with gloves on. (Laylee wore the gloves. The worm didn’t have any hands.)

Oprah made me cry.

Eve made me lunch.

You can fit 4 snails into the pocket of a pair of 4T capri pants. Coincidence? I think not.

*Updated – Dan thought I should mention that I took the bone picture late at night with my camera flash. My back yard is huge and unlit so I stumbled along the fence in my crocks, taking a picture every few feet and checking to see if I’d captured the body part yet. It only took me 4 tries to get this fabulous shot. And I didn’t even step on any rusty nails in the process.

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18 Responses to My Life is so Exciting I Need to Sit Down

  1. Jenny says:

    wow, it’s definitely a thrill a minute over there. leg bones AND snails? How do you stay on top of it all?! so about this weather we’re having… let me know if you wanna come over to the CITY side and beach it!!

  2. Heffalump says:

    Snails make great pets you know. We keep our snail in a small fish bowl with a layer of dirt, some rocks and a screen for the top. #1 named it Claireford after Claire and Clifford Huxtible of Cosby Show fame, since snails are both a boy and a girl at the same time. It gets fed a baby carrot, or some lettuce (Romaine is a favorite apparently) every few days along with a spritz or three of water.
    Leg bones are scary. Maybe its from a new kind of dinosaur and you will get famous for finding it! Oh, I forgot you are already famous…

  3. MamaToo says:

    tetanus shots, anyone? 🙂

  4. Jeana says:

    “Love can build a bridge
    Between your blog and mine.
    LOVE can build a bridge
    And don’t ya think it’s time
    Don’t ya think it’s time”

    Kareoke tonight, at Daring Young Mom’s!

  5. SURCIE says:

    Corn water? Tee hee. Made me think of all the times I drank the peach juice/syrup out of the can as a kid. But somehow, corn juice doesn’t sound as appealing.

    I cried and cried over Oprah, too. I’m an absolute sucker for all those Surprise Deserving People With Cash & Prizes shows.

    I love that you dare your husband to do stuff. More, please!

  6. Farm Wife says:

    We talk to Korea often…but then BIL is in the service, so it looses it’s magic after a while. My hubby wouldn’t even call the vets to make an appointment for his dog…forget international calls.

    We also find strange bones in our yard…usually from deer, but it’s still creepy to see your toddler crossing the yard with a shin bone grasped in his chubby little fist. Ugh.

    & all I can say about corn water is…ewww! Gwoss! (to quote my son).

  7. Stephanie says:

    A bone? Ooohhh…..

  8. Beth says:

    You guys just crack me up!

  9. Shalee says:

    Dan is SO the man. Yes, I can see why you need to sit down now. Just add a wine to the picture and it sounds heavenly.

  10. Kimberly says:

    How very disturbing. I’m too tired to think of anything more original to say.

  11. allysha says:

    Of course your neighbors aren’t going to tell you about the suspicious activity that has gone on in your yard. It depreciates the neighborhood if the house stays vacant- watch out for short ghosts, now that you’ve disturbed the burial place…

  12. Melissa says:

    Wow – so did you build your house on some ancient burial ground or something? Your life sounds almost as exciting as mine. 🙂

  13. Julie Q. says:

    Laylee’s a genius. Why didn’t I think of that?

  14. Eve says:

    Allysha comment made me “LOL” for real.
    I’m glad cold leftover pizza at my house is exciting…come over tomorrow for leftover beans and rice.
    Maybe a crust of bread or two.

  15. sarah k. says:

    Derek loved the bridge. He asked me if I need Windows Vista Bidness and I said, “I don’t know what that means.” He said, “You know Windows 98?” And I said, “I don’t know what that means.” He walked out of the room. Probably to go dig a hole in the backyard where he will plant my bones.

  16. chilihead says:

    You amaze me. Corn juice. Oh my word. And then I laughed for the rest of the night.

  17. Maybe it’s a cow bone… at least I hope it is…
    I wish I lived at your house… the most exciting thing here is watching your grass die… pretty exciting, I know…

  18. geekbert says:

    My wife loves your blog and has made a fan of me, so I nominated you for 2 categories in the Blogger’s Choice Awards. We’re building a bridge, right? You can send you peeps to to vote for you. I hope you win!

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