If Johnny Depp Were a Power-Puff Girl…

pirate3He’d probably live in a Happy-Meal box. Laylee says he’s a girl. We say okay. He can be a girl… a girl with a soul patch.

Is it morning yet? Laylee just asked. Nope. It’s still light leftover from today that hasn’t fallen out of the sky yet. You’ve been talking to yourself in your room and singing songs in strange undiscovered Jujubese languages for 1.5 hours. If you do it for 10 more, then it will be morning.

Our playdate was small but enjoyable, carrying an unexpected pirate theme. Magoo started us all off by falling in the drink and threatening to be lost to Davy Jones’ locker. What happened with him was one of the most frightening moments of my life as a parent so far. We were standing next to a large fountain with a pool about 2 feet deep. Magoo had his back to the pool and I watched him fall backwards into the water. He sank down to the bottom and in the three seconds it took me to pull him out, he was completely submerged with barely an entry splash. As I grabbed him, I could see him flailing, his eyes looking at me in panic, not a sound coming from the water. All I can think is, “what if I had turned my back to get a wipe and then looked back and wondered where he’d gone. As it was, it took him a few seconds to catch his breath. How ironic that only a few days ago, I joked on this blog about how it’s possible to drown in a teaspoon of water. WATCH YOUR KIDS BY EVEN THE SMALLEST WATERSOURCE.

After some enjoyable visiting, the kids got antsy for some vittles and we headed off to Mickey D’s where we also enjoyed some pirate-y fun. Noses and ears were pierced… with cardboard.
Strangely, although the happy-meal boxes claim that pirates like to eat fish, you only get a Pirates of the Caribbean game piece if you order beef. I know. Magoo ordered a fillet ”˜o fish and they didn’t give him squat. The beef-eaters of the group all collected the same exact game piece which fit together not at all.

Also, what’s the deal with having happy meals based on a movie that none of the kids will be allowed to watch anyway? Captain Jack Sparrow as a stuffed doll? Next they’ll come out with a Tokyo Drift baby rattle for kids under 3.

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31 Responses to If Johnny Depp Were a Power-Puff Girl…

  1. ABC Momma says:

    Wow, it’s amazing how long three seconds takes when you’re trying to save your child.

    I wish my kids and I could have come to play. Looks like a lot of fun.

  2. Can you tell me to wipe that sneer off my face? That picture of me annoys me.

    I would also like to state for the record that I am very glad Magooberpuss is alive.

  3. Trivial Mom says:

    Water is scary with little kids.

    Especially when they try to run away from you at the pool so that they can jump in all by themselves, in the deep end even though they’re only 21 months, refuse to wear any sort of floaty device, and haven’t a clue what it means to swim (except that you get to be wet and have moms full attention). I’ve never had to deal with a 3-second drowning, no never.

    Glad he’s okay!

  4. You are hilarious. Karli, the sneer makes you look more piraty! 🙂

  5. That’s so scary!!!

    In what universe do you live? Since when does a pg-13 or R rating keep parents from taking their kids to movies? Every child in my universe will be watching that movie except mine and apparently yours.

  6. mrsmogul says:

    GOOD POINT about the happy meals!! You should write to the movie studios so that the films get rated G LOL

  7. Heth says:

    I’ve been wondering the same thing about the Pirates movie. Why the heck are they marketing it to small children? My eleven year old saw it and was freaked out. (Although he would deny that straight faced.)

    So glad Magoo is ok! Ack! That’s so scary.

  8. Jeana says:

    I love that you changed the spelling of vittles (victuals) so as not to throw off dummies like me who pronounce it wrong. You must have read my blog–or mind.:-)

    Don’t get me started on that toy thing. Remember Terminator action figures for young tots? The movie was rated R!

    And Magoo in the water–Dawson did that once, when we were walking on the boat docks at the LAKE. I had the same thought as you–if I hadn’t seen it, he would have been totally lost in that water. So scary. I can remember that like it just happened.

  9. Peter says:

    It does happen fast. I posted about it the other day after David went under.

  10. Betsy Wasser says:

    I like to think that toy isn’t a Captain Jack Sparrow toy for kids, but rather a Johnny Depp toy for their mommies to snuggle up to at night.

  11. Kids and water is a truly scary combination. One time camping? Boy 1 saw the pool and took off running. Dived right into the deep end, with his father and I in hot pursuit. He was 4. We jump in, fully clothed, just having arrived at the campground, fish the boy out, and his response to nearly drowning? Do it again!

  12. I laughed out loud (litterally, do you think when people put “lol” that they really LOL’d? well, I did!) when I saw that Johnnie Depp toy referred to as a Power puff girl!!! Hahahahah!

  13. Naddin J says:

    So glad Magoo is OK… poor baby and Mom. What a scary experience.

    McDonald’s does it for the moms. These kids couldn’t care less that Johnny Depp is a hot little number and Captain Jack could swashbuckle me anytime. The kids probably think that by going to McDonald’s and eating a Happy Meal, they will experience the movie by osmosis.

  14. Grammy says:

    You have to admit, the doll is cute though. We’ll focus on pirates in general and not Capt’n Jack in particular. And I saw bunches of tiny kids in that film and was – once again – appalled! What are some folks thinking?

    So glad you were watching the Magoo man at the time of the actual falling. My heart skipped several beats reading about it a day later!

    (I did it, K. Friday Free-For-All is up and running.)

  15. misha says:

    Still engulfed in grief. Missed you. And tell Karli she’s scary.

    And now back to what really matters (aka near drownings) – SCARY and thank God.

  16. Mama T. says:

    It took nanoseconds for my 1 year old to wiggle away from me in the mini-pool the other day and plung herself under 12 inches of water. No harm done, but sheesh did my heart rate shoot up!

  17. I’ve lurked on this blog for months and never commented. I decided today is the day. You are just too funny. You always make me laugh. The part about Magoo drowning didn’t make me laugh, though.

    Your Johnny Depp doll is real cute.

  18. Mama Darlin' says:

    Yikes!! I am glad Magoo is safe!

  19. Shalee says:

    I remember thinking the same thing when they brought out all the Jurassic Park stuff for kids. The movie scared the BLEEP out of me! There’s no way I thought a kid should be seeing it.

    But at least Capt. Jack Sparrow is cute and very likable. Yeah, I’d be all over him if I were Elizabeth… and Will were out of the picture completely. Yo ho! Yo ho! A pirate’s wife I be! (His anyway. I would not want to be the wife of the pirate with the wooden eyeball. I do have standards, you know.) I may have to go get a happy meal to get one of those dolls.

    And I’m relieved that Magoo is safe and sound!

  20. Karen says:

    Spicey called the pirate her “baby!” I said okay too.

    Scary stuff about the water. I had a similar experience when I looked down to turn the page of my magazine while watching the kids take a bath a few months ago. It makes your heart stop beating for sure.

    Karli is HOT STUFF!

  21. Beck says:

    That’s so scary about your little guy! Thank God he’s safe. A friend of mine took her kids to swimming lessons, and the parents were allowed to watch from the hallway through a big plexiglass window – and while the instructor’s back was turned, her 3 year old walked right off the edge of the pool into the deep end! The instructer didn’t hear her frantic pounding on the glass, so she took off running – and by the time she got to the pool, the little guy had been fished out and was safe. But yeesh!
    As far as Pirates toys – we went last weekend. My kids and their moronic 20 year old uncle got the inflatable swords… lucky me.

  22. Maine Mom says:

    I’m glad Magoo’s fall into the water wasn’t more serious! Scary.
    I wasn’t surprised when my 3 girls got the same map piece in their happy meals, but it is annoying. They tried to make them all go together to create a fun treasure map, but no luck.

  23. californiazenmom says:

    We drove by Mickey-D’s on the FIRST day they had the “Pirates Be Here” sign on the marquee. My 7 year old said, “Mom, they have pirate toys — let’s go!” We went. No pirate toys. Lame left-over creepy stretchy basketball guy toys. What?!?!? We asked and were told, “The pirate promotion starts tomorrow.” Having studied English Literature in college, I am familiar with Old English, Chaucer English, Elizabethan English, Shakesperian English, Middle English and Modern English (“I’ll stop the world…”) and in ALL of those languages, “Pirates Be Here” is a present-tense, right-now, not-tomorrow, here-you-go kind of meaning. Pirates Be Here my booty. So…we went the next day to test again the “Be Here” theory, and sure enough we got two inflatable swords and a cool pirate bandana. AHOY!!! (even if a day too late!)

    LOVE the Power Puff pirate!!

  24. bon says:

    ARrrrrrrr, swoggle me eyes!

    I don’t know WHAT you guys are all whining about… my 4 yo Birdie has seen the first Pirates movie several times…
    OK, fine, so it was on DVD and my finger fimly in the “skip” button so she ended up seeing maybe 15 minutes of actual filmage. Still… what is the piratical term for WHIMPS!

    blogger is just testy… it tells me YOUR site is down alla time give it a try or three.

  25. Paul says:

    I’m glad your son is okay. What a scarey moment that could have been so awful!!!


    I totally agree with your question about giving kids toys for a movie that they aren’t supposed to be attending. I blogged last week about a friend of mine who, after seeing that movie, said to me:

    “Well, it wasn’t really that bad. I mean, I wouldn’t take anybody under eight years old to see it, because it was PG-13 for a reason.”

    And I’m thinking: are we unclear on the concept of PG-13??

  26. JD says:

    My child brought the Johnny Depp Dolly home and kept insisting it was “DADDY” DADDY!! I will say it is the Facial hair, but that is where the commonalities end. We couldn’t stop laughing.

  27. Cmommy says:

    You hit on one of my pet peeves–the inappropriate movie toys as happy meal prizes.

    SO glad Magoo is OK; did you have a hard time falling asleep last night? When one of the kids had a near-miss, I’d startle awake, like I’d just gone down the big hill on the roller coaster. C

  28. Sketchy says:

    That is so scary! I have had those moments with my kids with one thing or another and I think they will always haunt me. So glad everything turned out OK!!

    PS: The whole thing of making Happy Meal toys out of PG-13 movies really annoys me to no end too. I remember one of the dingbat places made toys from Men in Black, I mean come on! Yep, order me up that Freddie Kruggar Special for my lil tyke!

  29. Susan says:

    Poor Magoo! Arrgh, matey!

    And that Karli is so CUTE!

  30. Caryn says:

    How frightening! When my brother and I were little, my mom had a dream that the three of us were in a sinking ship and she could only save one of us. Upon waking, she signed us both up for swim lessons. I hope Laylee and Magoo will have lessons.

  31. Wendy says:

    I’ve wondered that same thing…what’s w/using toys from a movie that kids can’t watch?

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