To Live is to Learn is to Kill Your Fish

Things I’ve Learned Today:

1. When the sun is shining in The Seattle – in winter – after it’s been raining for 30 days, you’d better run outside and enjoy it.
It ain’t gonna last.

2. I was born to achieve grocery store parking spot super-stardom.
It is my DEN-SITY.

parking again

3. I believe in euthanasia for fish…..if Karli performs it.
Karli was over today when I noticed the mamma guppie all a-float. Her lifeless body was freaking me out so I asked Karli to flush it. She performed a tasteful funeral followed by the flushing.

I then surprised myself by begging her to flush the other one too. He’s still alive but he just lost his true love, who was probably bearing his love-children, he hasn’t eaten in days and I don’t want to watch him suffer. (Besides, what if he dies when Karli isn’t over? I am not strong enough to flush another one. I’m definitely not strong enough to save the corpse and take it in for a rebate. That is just too sick.)

Hennison will be sorely missed. Please keep Jack in your prayers. Karli refused to grant his pathetic plea for help.

4. It is patently hilarious when I hold my laptop over my head, whilst screaming like a girl, to keep fat-boy Magoo from smashing it to pieces.

5. If the power lines are on fire, call 9-1-1.
My first instinct was to call Dan and ask him who to call. His first instinct was to say, “Hang up now and dial 9-1-1.” Their first instinct was to say that I had made the right decision, especially considering the power lines were running through a forest… next to a residential neighborhood.

6. Snow White’s princess powers and identity crumble when the gown is in the wash.
My mom called today and said, “Hello Snow White.”

Laylee hung her head and admitted sadly, “No. I’m just a girl.” She was wearing a super-lame t-shirt and pants ensemble at the time. Preschoolers everywhere, ring out your derision.

By meal-time the Snow was back on and she remembered to thank the Giver of all good gifts in her dinner prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for our chili beans and table and paper towels and books and Daddy and Mommy and Magoo and a girl, um…. I mean SNOW WHITE, and our chili beans and mashed potatoes and white sauce and cheese. Jesus Christ Amen.

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16 Responses to To Live is to Learn is to Kill Your Fish

  1. Give Magoo 7 years. He will gleefully take on the job! When I was in college I used to substitute-teach occasionally; one day I walked into a 3rd grade classroom to be greeted by, “THE FISH DIED! Can I flush him?” All the little boys were fighting over the, um, honor…as the principal walked by.

  2. mom says:

    Nothing is more sincere than the prayers of a two year old. I sometimes wonder how my own measure up. They may be a little deeper, but they could never be more honest. I don’t believe I’ve ever prayed for chili beans.

    By the way, I’m sorry that my insensitive remark made Laylee feel like less of a princess. She is always a princess to me!

    The power lines were on fire? That’s the scariest thing you’ve ever posted. What happened next?

  3. Susan says:

    I’m with your mom–tell us about the power lines! Preferrably while holding the laptop over your head and screaming like a girl.

  4. We just had a fire not too far from our house… they did a “controlled burn”- I say “HA!” to that- in the national park just north of our development and the winds kicked up and the whole thing got out of control- it was very scary there for a while… I third that on the “what happened next?”.

  5. Stephanie says:

    Love the Snow White prayers.

    And you know, everytime you post pics of the Fred Meyer Store, you make me homesick.

  6. blackbird says:

    I could never flush fish either!

    Can’t you convince your parents to start blogging?
    Their comments are sooo good I just want to read more.

    (Love the way your mom chats with you in the comments…’what happened next?’)

  7. Theresa says:

    Okay, why were the power lines on fire??? Was there a storm, accident, what???? You must clear up this mystery for all of us regular readers!

    PS My grandson, David Riley, prays every night for all of the family pets to have a good night’s sleep. This includes 3 dogs, several pet rats and a few fish! If these prayers are adorable to us, can you imagine what response they get in heaven???

  8. A tree branch was resting on the powerlines and it all caught fire. The flames were only a couple of inches high and I saw them as I was driving past and thought…”Hmmmm. That’s strange. Maybe I should call someone.”

    When I drove back that way an hour and a half later, the flames were out, the firemen were gone and there was a small truck with cones around the area, trimming the branches back. (The guys was trimming, not the truck or the cones.) Disaster averted.

    Sounds like I need me a 7-year-old boy. That fish is not long for this world.

    I love the thought of God cracking himself up, listening to little children pray. That makes me smile.

  9. Moonface says:

    love the prayers!.. and what is this obsession with the parking spot?? 🙂

  10. flushing fish I cannot do. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

  11. Cee says:

    I once flushed an *almost* dead fish and it managed to swim back up into the toilet to die. One of my kids discoverd it. He wouldn’t go into the bathroom alone for weeks after that.

    Now we wait until our fish are good and dead and we bury them, deep.

  12. Carrcakes says:

    I just stumbled across your blog during a google search and I’m so glad I did. I tagged you on my site.

    It’s really rare to find writers who make the mundane interesting – and you do a great job with that. As a kind blogger once wrote me, “keep up the glogging” (Good blogging)

  13. RGLHM says:

    The Canadian homeland has had WARM weather. Like it’s not freezing, we’re not seeing snow, but rain and hail. Weird. It smells like spring AND IT IS JANUARY!!

  14. Addie says:

    I’m with you on great parking spots. I think some of your parking spot Den-sity, has rubbed off on me. I just started reading your blog last week and now this week I got a supreme parking spot at Target. It was the absolute closest without taking a handicap spot. (Which I’ve often thought of doing. I consider coralling two active children and a heavy baby in a carseat into a store a handicap.)

    Anyhow, I thanked the shining stars of Daring Young Mom, for shining their light on me! 😉

  15. Charity says:

    lol GO Seattle!!!!! I am so proud of those boys!!

    We have a beta fish that lays on his side constantly…but he is alive. We have reached to flush him several times and now we put our hand n the bowl and he swims away all mad cause we woke him from his nap…freaks me out!

  16. Heather says:

    I will SQUISH Claire, I mean Snow White, the first time I see her in that dress!

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