In My Hood, They Call Me Snow

White, that is.

Who knew that with advanced age, your kids would also advance in funniness? And, okay, maybe weirdness.
with pantsLaylee has been bedecked in Snow White attire for the past 2 weeks. All day, every day. Nighttimes too. I see no problem with this as long as she’s willing to wear pants under her gown when it’s cold and as long as I can launder it from time to time.

When the shell of her alter-ego is spinning in the evil torture chamber of cleanly death, she frequently checks on it and asks me if it’s done yet.

Me: Go put your hand on the washer and see if it’s still going “Rrrrrrrrrrr.” If it is, Snow White isn’t done yet.
Laylee (leaving and returning a minute later): I think it’s done.
Me: I can hear it going from here. It’s not done.

Laylee then flops to the ground, pretending to sob. I flip the page of my magazine and eat another bon-bon.

snow white

Friday night, DYD comes home from work.

DYD: Laylee! Can I have a big hug?
Laylee (turning away with a snooty expression): NO!
DYD: Oh, that’s too bad.
Laylee (turning back with a sly grin): My NAME is Snow White!
DYD: Can I have a big squeezy hug, Snow White?
Laylee: YES!

At the dentist yesterday, we enter the office and the dentist says, “Hello Snow White.”

Laylee turns back to me with her mouth and eyes open HUGE and gives me an astonished look that says, “He knows my NAME!”


We then go out for burgers and stop by the “mini-zoo” (read this – PETCO). Here we pick out new fish, guppies this time. We pick a boy and a girl, thinking it will be a riot to watch them reproduce and have little fishy babies.

new fishLaylee names the daddy fish Jack (of course!) and the mommy fish Hennison (Don’t ask. I have no idea.). She keeps asking when the baby fish will come out. When we get home, she watches a movie with the fishies in close proximity.

We see no action. In fact, they aren’t even eating their food so we may end up taking PETCO up on their Tropical Fish Guarantee. That’s right””if your new pet bites the big one in it’s first 15 days with your family, you can bring the corpse in for a new, live one.

Dan wonders aloud if this guarantee works with the other pets they sell. You walk in, carrying your cat by the tail. “Our new kitty Buster Aloisius McFrick became roadkill last night. Can we please have a replacement?”

Snow White has been cracking jokes left and right. My current favorite is her use of a quote from the movie Cinderella this afternoon.

I was leaving for choir when she came up and asked, “Is that your dress?” flicking my wrap-around skirt open.

Me: Yes it is.
Laylee (with a twinkle in her eye): It looks like a blanket! Would you please hold my BROOM?! (breaking into hysterical laugher) That’s what the stepsister says. It’s so mean! (more laughter)

I don’t mind taking this kind of derision from Snow Laylee because:

A. She’s just experimenting with her sense of humor and comic timing.
B. She is hilarious.
C. She is barely 3.
D. Earlier today we had this conversation:

Laylee: You’re doing a good job coloring Mommy!
Me: Thanks. I like Care Bears.
Laylee: I said ‘You’re doing a good job’ and that was really nice. That’s called encourgent!
Me: Do you mean ‘encouragement’?
Laylee: Yes. I said something nice to you and you’re doing a good job. That’s called encouragement.

One last random bit of dialogue:

Laylee and I are coloring on the floor, concentrating hard on our masterpieces. A Raffi CD is playing quietly in the background.

Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin’ for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot
Comin’ for to carry me home

Laylee (laughing but not looking up): He’s TOO BIG!
Me: Who?
Laylee: Raffi. He’s TOO BIG!
Me: Too big for what?
Laylee: He says, “carry me home,” but THEY CAN’T! He’s TOO BIG! I’m little. You can carry me home. SOMEtimes. (shakes her head and laughs, never looking up from her coloring book)

And, finally – Here it is, unstyled and un-product-ed:

the shag

Let’s call a truce and dub it a “shag.”

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26 Responses to In My Hood, They Call Me Snow

  1. Stomach hurts laughing too hard!! Lalee is just adorable.

  2. Heather says:

    I love that post. It’s like 10 posts in one. It’s a gift. She will read this post over and over when she gets big. 🙂

  3. Heather says:

    P.S. The pic of Snow White in the dentist’s chair is the best thing I have EVER seen.

  4. andrea says:

    Oh my God. Everything in equal measure: they take so much of your time when they’re little but they give so much back! Hilarious and touching.

  5. Sugarmama says:

    Shag! Yes, a shag.

    I love little kid conversations. My own girl said some darn hilarious stuff in her time–her first doll’s name was “Conyessin,” by the way, which was how she pronounced “contact lenses” at the time. Other people’s kids are equally hilarious, so please keep posting this stuff! I’ve got awhile to wait til my littlest one will start coming out with this kind of thing and I miss it!

  6. Dan and I keep looking at that picture and laughing so hard we are crying and falling down. Seriously. I will scroll away from it and scroll back and it’s even funnier than the first time.

    I think it may be the best picture we will ever take in our lives. Period.

  7. Kelly says:

    Yes. I agree. Laylee in the dentist chair is the funniest thing I have seen… Especially in a dentist’s chair. I should know. I used to work there…

  8. RGLHM says:

    My niece used to have to be called Mrs. Jumbo. She really thought she was an elephant.
    Laylee is SO funny! I love it. I can’t believe she sat so nicely for the dentist!

  9. mom says:

    The dentist chair picture had me cracking up (and at 6:30 in the morning no less). I love that you made her that costume – complete with satin in-set sleeves when she was way too young to care. NOW she CARES! See how being a serious over-achiever Mom pays off in the end? I’m saying something nice to you. That’s called encouragement!

    Love you.

  10. You are required reading, DYM! No one can bring a smile to my face more than reading about your wonderful family! You and DYD are awesome! And Laylee- I mean, Snow and Magoo, too!

  11. Liz says:

    The dentist chair pic is awesome, but I’m kind of partial to the pic of Laylee copying DYD on the floor. That’s personality right there.

  12. Heth says:

    She is hilarious.

  13. Goslyn says:

    Oh so funny. I love miss snow. Watch out for the guppies though, they eat thier young. We had baby guppies once, and about 10 minutes later they were all gone, eaten by momma and poppa.

  14. novaks8 says:

    How cute!

    man I think they all go through those phases with the costumes.

    My 2 year old really really thinks she is a puppy sometimes. She will lick your face and yelp and pant. She even scratches her head with her foot BEHIND her head!
    It is a sight!

    The washing machine thing reminds me of my 5 year old and her blankie. She HATES to wait for it to wash and seems to have a radar if i try to sneak it out there.


  15. Karen says:

    Ok, you MADE the Snow White costume? Would you mind posting something JUST about the costume and all its handmade features?

    Laylee . . . she is fabulous. I laughed aloud at the dentist chair too. She is just the best. I’m glad you’re writing all this stuff down.

  16. That is such a precious entry. My son lived in his batman outfit for months! He was to be called batman and nothing else. My 3rd loved a little yellow skirt from the gap so much she wore it everyday for almost a year. It was in such a sad shape when we retired it. Cute none the less

  17. Karen says:

    Ok, just looked at the fun pics again. I know who Laylee reminds me of in the dentist chair photo- have you ever read the Eloise books? She reminds me of an Eloise book illustration.

  18. Shannon says:

    You need to send your dentist a picture of her in the chair with that costume on–I bet they’d frame it.

  19. Stephanie says:

    Love the dentist chair picture.

  20. surcie says:

    I agree. That shot of her in the dentist’s chair is hilarious!

  21. Queen Beth says:

    Kathryn, you are a riot! I am loving the picture of “Snow White” in the dentist chair! I’ll have to email you a picture of the Duchess in her dentist-ness!

  22. elliespen says:

    I saw the dentist picture and thought she’d died in that chair.

    Ha. I knew my mom was hiding something when she said going to the dentist’s office wouldn’t kill me.

    When I was little I kept changing identities every day so my mom never knew what to call me in the mornings. She’d have to go through a huge long list of fairy tale characters until I answered.

  23. Pam says:

    You are so right about best picture. That is ammmazzzingly funny. You guys are so fun!

  24. bon says:


    dang that’s funny!
    LaLa is the same way about the ballarinadog jammies we got for her for Christmas.

  25. HLH says:

    Just found your blog, oh your daughter in the dentist chair is absolutly TOO FUNNY!!!!

    I have a 3 yo old boy and I get “encourgent” all the time too, cracks me up. Tonight I was told “good job pouring the milk!”.

  26. Diane says:

    I was just browing on the Internet and found your blog and it’s so touching and warm. Parenting can be rewarding sometimes, doesn’t it? You’ll cherish it forever and tell this story to Snow White when she grows up, too. How lovely!

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