Sometimes You Feel Like a Mullet

If you wake up on a Saturday morning and your hair has been cut in a mullet, you just know. You don’t have to look in the mirror. You may not even need to run your fingers through your hair. You just feel different.

You may feel the need to play a couple of periods of hockey to get your blood circulating or maybe you just want to consume large amounts of pork rinds before scavenging for spare headlights in your front yard. Either way, you’ll know.

Because of my New Year’s resolution to spice up my hair-do, I excitedly accepted the offer to join Karli’s hosted haircutting hullabaloo with my favorite stylist. Katie periodically comes out to the home of a local mom and cuts/colors everyone’s hair while we watch each other’s kids. She’s awesome and charges a pittance when we get a group together.

My last cut was a damage control chop-job to cut down on the mental anguish caused by seeing large chunks of my hair fall to the shower floor each morning….that I showered.

So this time, I wanted to do something really fun. I decided I wanted my hair highlighted and cut to look something like this. What I really meant was that I wanted a team of stylists to come live at my house and make my hair look like this every morning.

As Katie was cutting away, she said, “I know you’re sort of a low maintenance hair person (understatement of the year) so I’m not cutting your hair exactly like that picture. If I did that, it would end up looking sort of like a mullet. I’ll make the layers a bit longer and give you fewer bangs.”

Ack! Bangs! Were those bangs in that picture? This was all too scary. Although there was no mirror in the kitchen, I closed my eyes for the remainder of the cut.

When she finished blow drying and styling, it actually looked pretty great, despite the fact that I was repeatedly blowing the sexy messy bang chunk out of my eyes, my lower lip extended.

Driving home, I had the thought, “I may never be able to make it look like this again. I should drive to all my friends’ houses to show them that it was a cute cut once.” I resisted the urge and I regret that decision.

As soon as I woke up this morning, scratching my hairy pot gut, I knew it. I now have a highlighted mullet.

I don’t blame the stylist. She tried to warn me and fix my mistake. I know she will see me through this. I think I mainly blame Liz for suggesting that I come up with resolutions this year.

It actually may be a very nice cut. I’m just not good at hair. I’m not good at doing it or having it, really, in anything but the most basic style.

At least the highlights don’t look like zebra stripes. They are my first and I will always be able to look back on them fondly.

DavidBowieThe first time I got layers was not nearly so fortunate. My sister was using me as an experiment to learn how to cut layers and when she finished, I distinctly remember crying and bawling, “I look like David BOWIE… in Labyrinth!”

But that grew out. I suppose this will too. Until then, I’ve got me some monster-truck-rally tickets to buy.

Update: Karli has just promised to instruct me in the feminine art of hair care and styling. We shall see what kind of pupil I make.

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19 Responses to Sometimes You Feel Like a Mullet

  1. Goslyn says:

    Oh my. You have me rolling on the floor. It can’t be all that bad, but, oh my. Laughing so hard I can barely type.

    Good luck finding those headlights.

  2. Pam says:

    Send a picture to my house! I can’t wait to see it!

  3. Stephanie says:

    Hey! I just got my hair cut, too!

    I have been aware of the mullet possibilities for awhile now. I try to get cuts that won’t be longer in the back than they are in front. Saves a lot of frustration.

  4. Caryn says:

    “I may never be able to make it look like this again. I should drive to all my friends’ houses to show them that it was a cute cut once.” I know exactly what you mean. I’ve been tempted to do the same from time to time, but have also resisted. At least my husband’s gotten to see my hair’s potential a time or two.

    I’m not a hair person either. Every time I go to the sylist I stop by the store afterward to pick up hair supplies, vowing that this time I’ll really keep up, make everything look the way it should or could. I never do. I barely get up in time for breakfast in the mornings, and often resort to a shower in the afternoon; I’m not about to get up early enough to style my hair, too.

  5. Liz says:

    My fault??!!! Oh yes, I remember….the primpage resolution….

    I was thinking more like combing my hair more regularly than once a day, not reshaping! ;o)

    If it’s any consolation to you, Dustin’s haircut yesterday was butchered too. He gets a 5 clipper on the side and scissor cut on top, every two weeks on the dot, and it always looks perfect.

    Yesterday she put the 5 on the clipper and started on top… he heard “whoops!” So now it’s a 5 all over till it grows back out.

    I love him dearly, but he is looking a little receding when his hair is cut too short.

    At least it takes the attention off the gray that is coming in.

  6. blackbird says:

    I love that haircut…but I know those bangs hanging in my face would make me crazy.
    Plus I can tell that it involves using the round brush. I can’t be bothered with the round brush.

  7. Got my hair cut last week. I keep it pixie-ish short. Short is the way to go these days… especially if you’re a no hair maintenance type of gal. Once you get past the light-headeness feeling, you just love it! Anyhow- can you put it in a pony-tail still? 😉

  8. Queen Beth says:

    UGH! I have been there! We are sisters in mulletville!!

  9. We will get through this together. It will be ok.

  10. Shannon says:

    You must, must, must post a picture of the new ‘do. We will all hound you until you do.

  11. Katy says:

    I just awakened from my third pitiful night’s sleep in a row. I haven’t even had a sip of coffee yet, and you’ve got me howling. Which would actually go really well with a mullet, huh? Katy

  12. Nancy says:

    Ha ha! I am the same way. I might leave the hair salon with a gorgeously styled head, but the next day — mullet city. I’ve finally figured out that a new haircut is only a temporary panacea for whatever ails me. 🙂

  13. Mom says:

    When I was just a little kid my mother took me to have my hair cut and when the girl asked, “Would you like me to style that for you today.” She actually paid the 8 bucks (a huge amount of money at the time)and had it done.

    She assured me that I looked terrific, too. Not that anyone will ever know. She stopped at Aunt Roberta’s, Aunt Greta’s and Aunt Louise’s to show it (and preusmably me)off, but none of them were home.

    Then she sat me demurely on the front porch with my little skirts all arranged around me to wait for Daddy to come home, so he would be HUGELY impressed with how lovely I was. Unfortunately before he got home my brother (who didn’t think girls should ever get their hair cut and had given me a bad time about going) turned the hose on me.

    So much for glamour! It’s fleeting and an unfortunate haircut is too. Hang in there. It’ll grow.

  14. Heather says:

    I want to see the picture. Oh PLEASE post a picture!

  15. Lucinda says:

    That is hilarious! I’m glad I found you through BoB!! 🙂

  16. Sugarmama says:

    Maybe you’ll be happier with it in a couple of days? I just had my hair cut, too, and didn’t like it at first. Now I can see that it’s workable, and anyway there are always little clips and headbands to keep the bang/chunk/thingie out of your face if you can’t be bothered with ANY maintenance.

  17. Janet says:

    Just hearing the words “layer” and “hair” in the same sentence makes me want to cringe.

    Congrats on your nomination!

  18. Okay rank this up there with one of your funniest posts. I loved it and was about to pee my pants the whole time. Mullets, ah yes. I need to get me one of those. Okay I am kidding.

  19. Karen says:

    Oh my word Kathryn. I have so been there. Recently in fact. The short ‘do that I sport has been GROWING OUT since early August. Seriously. Good luck.

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