My Mother is a Selfish Cripple

grammy's feetAnd yet, I love her still.

This afternoon my mom called and she had a sad tale to tell. One might even call it a gruesome tale. If you are squeamish, do not read on.

She keeps a basket at the bottom of the stairs where she puts things that need to go away on the second floor. I love this idea. I am using it in my book.

Yesterday while carrying the basket upstairs, a giant needle fell from the basket and got lost in the carpet. She found it a while later…..with her foot.

Here’s how it went down. The giant needle went EYE FIRST in at her toenail, coming out the bottom of her toe somewhere around the middle and then lodged itself in the BALL OF HER FOOT. The pointy part was still sticking out the TOP OF HER TOE and she couldn’t get it out! What the heck kind of needle was this and more importantly, did she even have a permit to be carrying such a weapon? My WORD!

She had to hobble to the phone and call her neighbor (a nurse) and ask her to come over with pliers to remove the object. Are you kidding me? They had to pull it back through the foot and toe by the pointy end because that was the only part sticking out.

If I didn’t know and trust my mother, I would disregard this as another lone-gunman, magic-bullet, what-grassy-knoll?, theory. However, I know she is true and OUCH!!!! So, what’s one of the first things I ask her? “Did you take a picture of it?”

Here’s where the extreme selfishness comes in. She did not, in fact, take a picture with the needle still in her toe. She said it “hurt too much” to think about taking a picture for me to post on my blog.

Don’t people think about anyone but themselves anymore? I mean, GOSH!

The picture I have posted here was taken a while ago after Grammy had received a pedicure a la Laylee. You’ll have to imagine the giant spike sticking out of her toe because someone was too busy “seeking medical attention” to photodocument.

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7 Responses to My Mother is a Selfish Cripple

  1. Karen says:

    OH MY WORD. That is horrible! I’ve had several run ins with my Cutco knives but nothing like that! Hope she feels better soon.

  2. Adam says:

    Great post. Soooo…who do you think killed Kenedy?

  3. Kelly says:

    Oh too bad. I was looking forward to a picture.
    BTW: Is your fish dead yet?

  4. Jack lives on. On the bottom of the tank. It’s pathetic. Maybe he has what I had last week and he’ll pull through with some IV fluids.

  5. blackbird says:

    that is just the most horrible thing.
    HORRIBLE I tell you.

    ps. tell your mum she has very young looking feet.

  6. surcie says:


    I can’t stop curling my toes.

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