Socks and Simplicity

Posted on March 17, 2010 by The Daring One

“I found that I spent the first several months of her life carefully matching the socks after each washing, holding them up to the light, analyzing color, weave, texture, cuff, stretchiness, length and width. I was playing laundry Cupid, finding each little socky its one true and perfect sole-mate. The saying is true in our house. There is only one perfect match for everyone. ”

[Read more about socks and simplification at Parenting.com]

Posted in fashion, parenting | Comments Off on Socks and Simplicity

St. Patrick’s Day Non-Proliferation Treaty

Posted on March 17, 2010 by The Daring One

Dear Parents and Leprechauns of the World,
Stop the madness! Today I am begging you, BEGGING. YOU. To stop this senseless St. Patty’s escalation and let the rest of us get back to our old traditions of making green pancakes and wearing a button that says, “Kiss Me! I’m Irish!”

Why are you all making it so hard for me to live up to the expectations of Leprechaun Mania? So a couple of years ago they turned the milk green. Now they’re leaving gifts, candy, new green clothes, actual pots of GOLD for the children???? When will it end?

Laylee comes home and tells me about all the insane gifts being enjoyed by her other friends on this day of days and wonders why the Leprechauns hate our family so much. Maybe it’s because I refuse to create one more holiday of needless, money-wasting, gift-giving insanity. Maybe it’s because I’m heartless. (I think it’s the first reason.)

I mean, come on. Pretty soon we’re gonna be doing scavenger hunts on Flag day where you have the chance of finding A NEW CAR – compliments of the flag fairy or kids will be expecting money under their pillows left on President’s Day Eve by the ghosts of their favorite dead presidents. If Benjamin Franklin thinks you’ve been good this year, you get a hundred. (Okay Rebecca! He wasn’t a president but he’s on money and I’m Canadian so what’re you gonna do?)

COME ON! Join me today in a holiday non-proliferation agreement. Do we need a magical gift-bearing mascot for every blinking day of the year? What about the Solstice Gnome or the Green Earth Day Gomer? Make it stop. Only you can help prevent my daughter bawling her brains out because even though she left out a long note and a monetary offering to the leprechauns, they left her nothing but some green milk in the fridge and today sucks – it sucks and it “doesn’t even feel like St. Patrick’s Day.”

“Maybe we need to make our own magic,” I suggested.

She’s not buying it… because all the other kids are going to show up to school with heavy-laden pack mules bearing their bounteous leprechaun harvest and I’m the one who pays the price.

Love, Sincerely,
-Kathryn
The Grinch Who Stole St. Patrick’s Day and is Proud of It

Posted in holidays, scaring the neighbors, world domination | 37 Comments

When I Grow Up

Posted on March 14, 2010 by The Daring One

Magoo told me the other day that he wants to be a paleontologist when he grows up. Then he self-corrected and told me that no, he just wants to be a “regular dad” who stays home. He wants to be a “regular dad” the same way I’m a “regular mom.”

He also said he doesn’t want to be a grandpa either because grandpas have to move REALLY far away from home, so far that they have to drive all day and all night to get home. And also they die sometimes and he doesn’t want to die ever.

I guess Laylee’s not the only one thinking about grandparental death. I’m not afraid of it. My parents and Dan’s parents are not allowed to die. I am also swearing off death. I still need plenty of time to decide what I want to be when I grow up.

I’m thinking about becoming a professional student. Maybe I’ll be a high school or college teacher. I’ll definitely be writing for a living. Perhaps I’ll get a black belt in karate. What do you want to be when you grow up?

Posted in bambi's mom, kid stuff, parenting | 13 Comments

A Letter

Posted on March 13, 2010 by The Daring One

Laylee’s been learning about letter writing at school. Here’s a transcription of a letter she recently wrote to her teacher:

Dear Miss Snop/Rachel,
I woke up early. It was 7:00. First I got dressed. Next, I looked at the clock. Then, I did my homework. Last, I played. Did you wake up early? What time did you wake up at? Do you know that I know that yar name is Rachel? Are yar perents dead yet? Can you come to my birthday party next year?

From,
Laylee

Dan thinks it’s funny that she’s come to think of her teacher as being so old and authoritative that it’s highly unlikely her parents are still living. I find it more amusing that she finds nothing insensitive about asking her about it straight out, followed by a birthday party invitation.

The juxtaposition suggests that she’s either trying to be sensitive – perhaps the party invite is a gesture of consolation in the event that the parents have passed away – or she is seven years old and the death of a parent and the event of a birthday party carry roughly the same level of importance in her eyes.

Posted in bambi's mom, education, kid stuff | 7 Comments

The Good

Posted on March 10, 2010 by The Daring One

“Yes, I think there’s a lot to do to make quality education available and relevant to all children. Yes, I’m still trying to figure out what I can do to help. Today I’d like to focus on what’s going right. Have you or one of your children brushed shoulders with an inspiring educator?”

[Read more and comment at Parenting.com]

Posted in education, parenting | 1 Comment

Yogurt Chronicles

Posted on March 5, 2010 by The Daring One

Magoo’s had a few problems with yogurt in his life. I didn’t realize quite how many until a couple of days ago when he asked for some and then started telling me the Rules of Yogurt, one at a time. He listed 7 rules, each specifically related to times he’d gotten in trouble because of his use or misuse of yogurt.

1. You can’t leave the yogurt out.
2. You can’t lick the spoon and put it back in.
3. You do it CAREFULLY.
4. You can’t break the bottom of it.
5. You can’t get a handful of yogurt.
6. You can’t get it until you ask a grownup… or your dad.
7. You have to put it back.

I like the fact that rules one and 7 are essentially the same but bear repeating because they have been emphasized on so many mornings when we’ve found the giant tub of yogurt sitting out luke-warm on the kitchen table.

I also like that Dan is not classified as an adult.

I also like that we need 7 rules about yogurt… so far.

Posted in food, kid stuff | 12 Comments