Flying Raccoons

We’re getting a new roof today. I’m not talking new shingles. They’re actually tearing off our entire roof with what sound like giant nail files and throwing it into a bin placed conveniently below one of our front windows. Dan woke the kids up this morning to reassure them that everything was okay when the home pedicure started . OKAY?! OKAY?! There are giant pieces of crap flying off our roof into a bin and WE CAN WATCH IT FROM THE FRONT WINDOWS???!!!! They consider it to be more than “Okay”. This may be the best day of their lives.

We have a giant “bird’s” nest in the attic and every year in the spring some morning around 4am we hear a terrible splintering splitting noise as the giant “birds” come back to rip the cedar shakes off our roof and re-enter their home. The nest is located right above our bed so we know when they come back and it’s an unnerving feeling. We’ve had the ancient disintegrating roof cleaned and repaired but the “birds” always come back and our roof cleaner has gotten to the point where he won’t come back to clean until we hire someone to put on a new roof. It’s on the verge of falling to pieces.

When we had our inspection done on the house before buying it, the inspector (who was apparently fully owned by our shrewd realtor) told us the roof was only 5-years old. This helped push the deal through but was a bit disheartening when we moved in, had leaks and found out that it was actually 20 years old and remaining on its deathbed only through frequent resuscitation and hospice care.

So we stretched out the inevitable for 3 years and now we start the joy, the adventure, the second mortgage that is a new roof.

Well, when I told the contractors bidding on the roof job about the “birds,” they all laughed at me. They said there was no way that any kind of bird could tear up a roof like that. It had to be something with hands… like a raccoon… an animal which builds giant nests… like a raccoon. They asked if there were any raccoon sightings around. “Oh yeah,” I said. “They live in the forest behind our house and we see them in our yard all the time.”

Yeah. Apparently they don’t live “in the forest.” When we told the kids that raccoons were living in the attic, they could not have been happier. But they were also terrified with excitement. “What if they claw their way through the ceiling in the night?!” they grimace/grinned.

“Yeah. What if!?” I periodically think as I lay in bed at night listening to the house creak and staring up at the ceiling.

So this morning as Laylee saw the first large piece of brown debris fly over the edge of the house she exclaimed, “OH WOW! I bet that was one of the raccoons!” PETA be merciful. Mama needs a new pair-a-shingles.