I Prefer My Glucose in the Form of Peach Rings

Today I took the dreaded glucose test, or as the instructions on the bottle of sugar-water read, the test that you just fit into your daily routine without any inconvenience. (I’m paraphrasing there a bit.)

The bottle basically says to go about your business as usual, eat your breakfast and/or lunch as usual, then wait exactly two hours, then drink the bottle of putrid sugar water that’s supposed to be lemon/lime flavored but really tastes like rancid sugar dissolved in barely-potable water. You must drink it all in 5-10 minutes, stand on your head, not vomit, begin driving the 40 minutes to the blood draw facility where you should tell the employees exactly when you finished drinking it so they can take out half of your body’s total quantity of blood at exactly 60 minutes past the time that you finished your last drop of liquid. You should continue not vomiting and not eating until after your blood has been taken.

I’m not sure what all those vials of blood were for. I know one is to test for gestational diabetes, which is what the sugar-water is for. (Am I the only person who thinks of Edgar’s wife from Men in Black when I say “sugar-water”?) I suspect the other 13 vials are either just to make you feel like your whole trip was worthwhile or to continue the Jane Austeny tradition of “bleeding” someone to get the oogies out of their system.

I had an OB appointment directly following the glucose test in the same building so I wanted to plan to get done with the blood work and to the doctor at precisely the correct time, which meant I made a plan where I followed the directions backwards from the time of my appointment, figuring out when exactly I had to eat breakfast in order for all the planets to align.

It worked. My blood has been taken and I visited with my doctor. I told him that the test went fine but I’d rather have taken my glucose in some other way, like by eating a pound of peach rings. He said someone has actually calculated the exact number of jelly beans a pregnant woman has to eat to equal the amount of glucose in one of those drinks. I told him that next time I’d take the jelly bean route.

“Next time? There’s going to be a next time?” he said with raised eyebrows.

“Well, you know, if,” I backpedaled. I told him that a next time would be much more likely if he could help relieve some of the symptoms I’ve been having lately. So I’m off to physical therapy, water aerobics with old people, and he even gave me a little something that’s supposed to stop me from waking up coughing on my own stomach acid at night. Such a helpful lad.

Only 12 more weeks to go, peeps.

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22 Responses to I Prefer My Glucose in the Form of Peach Rings

  1. Mary says:

    Are we seriously due the same day? (Sept 16 is my due date). I just did my test last week and yuck. But it’s done so all is well! Glad you survived!

  2. Carrie says:

    Wow, only 12 weeks – that’s great! I’m almost down to 25! 🙂 That’s actually awesome that you don’t have to sit in the lab for the whole hour – we do – I guess they don’t trust us to drink the glucose at home correctly! And for the 3-hour test, we have to sit in the lab for the entire 3 hours!!! Hope I don’t have to take that one this time! 🙁

  3. Amanda says:

    At least you didn’t have to down the stuff and wait in the office for an hour! I wasn’t allowed to leave! So did he tell you exactly how many jelly beans? Now I’m curious. Almost there!!

  4. Yeah, it sounds way cooler that you at least got to go about your business while the glucose was poisoning your blood. Waiting in the lab while you try not to puke from the morning hunger pains PLUS the yucko drink? So not the right thing to put a pregnant woman through. Jelly beans should be a viable option, as they’d at least count as some breakfast.

    You’re in the home stretch now! Well of pregnancy, anyway 😉

  5. Karen says:

    Ew. Love the glucose drink. I recommend the orange flavor (cough) next time.

    12 more weeks to go! Yay!

  6. Allison says:

    I still can’t drink orange soda without gagging, and it’s been about 4 years since my last glucose test. Oh, and the whole business about eating your breakfast and/or lunch as usual? Well, what they don’t mention, and what I didn’t think about until it was too late, is that ramen is not the best lunch choice right before the glucose test. Lots of carbs = fail the test. Fail the test = 3-hour in-lab fasting test. But after I passed out I got to lay down by myself with a trashy magazine in a nice quiet dark room instead of sitting in the crowded waiting room, so it was almost worth it.

    I would totally have gone for the jelly beans!

  7. grammyelin says:

    1 rotten test down = 1 step closer to being done with this part and on to the part where you actually get to snuggle a living breathing piece of heaven. Yeah!

  8. Well, I was craving Heath Bars and Swedish Fish, but now peach rings sound even better. Unfortunately, I’m not allowed sugar for at least the next two weeks. 🙁

    Pregnancy without chocolate is just too much sometimes.

  9. Janel says:

    Peach rings! HA! That would be torture to me.

  10. Kate says:

    Apparently I’m a weirdo sugar-fiend, because I didn’t mind the glucose test. But, I had the orange flavor, so maybe that helped. It just tasted like a melted orange popsicle to me (oh, I think if the juice is really cold, that helps too).

    Anyway, along with everyone else, I’m jealous you got to do yours at home. Although, even sitting in my doctor’s office for an hour felt like a break to me!

    Good luck with the next 12 weeks. Hopefully things will improve.

  11. You could tell your doc that what you meant was that in the event that you fail the GTT, you can do the jellybean thing for the three hour test, right?

    Here’s to wishing you a speedy 12 weeks!

  12. Pam in Utah says:

    I totally agree with the taste of that stuff. AWFUL comes to mind. Sorry about that.

  13. Jess says:

    I wonder how many M&Ms it is??? May your 12 weeks fly by!

  14. Squishy says:

    I can’t believe they let you take yours at home. I had to go to the blood lab place and drink it there and sit there for an hour. I asked if I could run out for an hour and do some errands but they said I was not allowed to leave the building as per their policy.

  15. The Wiz says:

    MY doctor let me eat a King-Sized Snickers bar. Not kidding. Do you know how hard it is to eat that whole thing within 5-10 minutes? You’d think it wouldn’t be a problem, but they don’t call it king-sized for nothing.

    Still, WAY better than the drink, or sitting in an office for an hour.

  16. jd says:

    I just got a little queezy remembering downing that juice stuff. YUCK.

  17. Lynette says:

    Totally agree on the Edgar’s wife reference. She was my favorite character in that movie!

  18. Sarah says:

    My midwives let me eat Reese’s Pieces, which are surprisingly hard to find around us, but I’d rather hunt them down than experience the glucose drink.

  19. Heffalump says:

    Wow, time flies! You are almost done!
    It might not seem like it, but pretty soon it will be time.
    The Jellybean test uses a particular brand and size of jellybean and you have to eat 18 jellybeans in two minutes, which still seems better than slurping that other stuff down in ten minutes!

  20. tara says:

    “edgar, yer skins hangin’ off ya”

  21. Keri-Ann says:

    Wow… sadly, what stood out most to me in the whole entry was the whole raised eyebrow, “next time? There’s going to be a next time?” thing. Yeah, there just MIGHT be a next time, fella, and you are no longer invited. (uh, for the medical care part, not the making of the, uh, you know what I mean.)

    I’ve heard about the jellybean version, but with the twins they let me just drink OJ (I promised them the sugar water would not stay down, assuming I got it all down to start with.)

    Yay for twelve short weeks!

  22. Amanda says:

    First of all, this is HILARIOUS! I took mine a couple of weeks ago–and I am SO glad I don’t have to do the 3 hour one. And, I can totally identify with the heartburn issue. Thankfully, it’s still only occasional for me. Good luck with these last few weeks!

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