I'd rather be drinking chocolate milk.I stay home with my kids. The decision has less to do with the fact that I have the option of wearing pajamas all day and more to do with the fact that I vainly think I can give them the best care out there. It may not be the most mentally stimulating, educationally sound care out there, but I think it’s the best because I love them more than anyone else on the planet. I also play Milli Vanilli and flail my limbs around the living room like an epileptic sea anemone daily. Name me one daycare that does that. Exactly my point.

Today Laylee asked, “Why don’t mommies go to work like daddies?”

Me: Some mommies do go to work.

Laylee: Why don’t you?

Me: Because we’re so lucky. I get to be with you all the time.

Her faced looked more like she’d just eaten a buttered-popcorn flavored Jelly Belly than that she felt like the luckiest girl in the world to have me all up in her grill all day long.

Me: If I went to work every day, then you’d have to go to a babysitter instead.

Her face lit up. Babysitters = no rules, endless movies and painted toenails for 4 year olds.

Me: Not all babysitters are that fun. I love you more than any babysitter could and so you’re just so lucky to be with someone who loves you all day long.

Laylee: If you die, can I go to work with Dad and drink chocolate milk all day?

Me: Nope. Dad’s not allowed to have kids at Megacorp all the time. If I die, you’ll have to go away to a babysitter all day [the thought crosses my mind that she’s seen daycare centers around here and they look like magical playlands. Dude. I almost want to go to one.] AND they won’t love you like I do and you’ll be so sad.

She begins to tear up because, dude, what a jerk am I? I suddenly envision what will happen if I ever do go back to work after, in a moment of pride, having built daycare up in her mind as a heartless Dickensian depository for unwanted children.

Me: Or we could find a really nice babysitter or Daddy could go live near Grammy or Grandma and you could stay with them during the day.

Laylee: Yay! I wanna do that.

Me: But if I die you’ll miss me so much.

Laylee: Not really cause you’ll just get resurrected someday and I NEVER get to see Grammy and Grandma. I wanna do that.

Me: No.

On one hand I’m pleased that she’s expressing a belief in the ressurection. On the other hand, how do you continue to play play-doh with someone who’s just expressed that they wish you dead? I ask you — HOW? She doesn’t even know the rules of play-doh. And her hair looks funny. And if I’m so disposable, maybe she can find someone else to fix it for her.

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42 Responses to Callous

  1. Becca says:

    Whenever we pass a daycare my kids sigh longingly. They don’t know the good thing they’ve got!!

  2. Kimberly says:

    Laughing. Out. Loud.

    But…umm…sorry about your pain and all that.

  3. Beth says:

    This was just about the most precious post ever.

  4. I stay home with my kids for the same reason, except I can’t really afford to, so I have a home daycare and keep about six other kids as well. It’s not Milli Vanilli every day, but I have to say there is anemone flailing on a regular basis. Last week it was Love Stinks.

    My girl wants to go to daycare sometimes too. 🙂

  5. April Sauer says:

    That is too funny. Four year olds says the silliest things. My four year old saw his brother being born and asks nearly everyday if I can push out more babies. He wants a ‘gwerel!’ And even though it’s silly, isn’t it nice to know that FHE and primary are doing what they are supposed to be doing. How amazing that she has a great understanding of the resurrection at this age. My son comes home with pictures of dinosaurs he drew on his blank paper captioned ‘families can be forever.’ Good for her!

  6. Heather says:

    I totally feel your pain. My kids think their friends are so lucky to get to go to the “cool place with the awesome playground” every single day while they just have me. Except at my house, it’s Rob Base (holla!) rather than Milli Vanilli…I still haven’t gotten over the pain of finding out it wasn’t really them singing “Blame it on the Rain”.

  7. We need to have CJ talk to Laylee… he’ll tell her THE TRUTH about daycare.

  8. Angela says:

    I went to day care one day my entire life. I can still share the horror I felt when I ate NASTY tuna salad on crackers, drank water in little yellow dixie cups, and was forced to take a nap. It was a horrible awful memory of one day when my mom needed to take my older brother somewhere and left us there. Her mentioning your resurrection reminds me of my three year old praying that he can get candy, and that mom can feel better so we can do whatever. I especially love that he prays he can earn money to buy the wimin cool (swimming pool) he wants when every time he gets an option to do anything to earn money he isn’t interested. Yeah he’s only three but he totally understands the concept of money. Anyway being home rocks for those who want and are able to.

  9. Elaine says:

    Too funny. “You’ll just get resurrected someday.” Now that’s a keeper!

  10. The Wiz says:

    If we have plans to go out, I have actually used the line — “You better stop doing that or else you won’t have a babysitter tonight.” THey shape right up, because babysitters serve them pizza and let them fall asleep in front of the TV.

  11. Dawn says:

    Sigh…for all the times they are just cuter than words and surprise me with their ‘I love yous’ and ‘You’re a good mommy’ – then there’s times like these that almost make you wonder if they even notice you! Definitely blackmail for the wedding speech, lol!

  12. heather says:

    My 5yo thinks that mommy just can’t go to work, despite the fact that I tell him over and over that some mommy do go to work and that one day I might when he gets bigger.

    That’s awesome that she understands the whole resurrection thing!

  13. Having been raised by a single mother who wished she could stay home with me, but had to put me in daycare let me tell you…. Laylee is SO lucky. I hated daycare with a passion. I went to an after school program for latchkey kids up until I was 12 (seven years total) and I hated it!!!!

    My wonderful, amazing, brilliant, angel mother passed away when I was 15. And I would give ANYTHING to have her here. It’s sad not having family.

    (I do love how Laylee has a testimony of the Resurrection, though. I wish I knew about that when I was little. Obviously, you have been teaching her well. She IS LUCKY to have YOU!!)

  14. oh amanda says:

    She may be callous but at least she’s theologically sound!

  15. Farm Wife says:

    We have the “if you died” convo on occasion. BabyGirl informed me that if I died she could take care of the younger kids while dad’s at work. They were all for my demise until they discoverd their dad cannot cook. Then BabyGirl said, “He can make pizza!” So I’m back on the chopping block.

    I mean really, who needs clean laundry or balance meals or the house cleaned? That’s all overrated.

  16. Dan says:

    You don’t like buttered popcorn-flavored Jelly Bellies? Heresy!

  17. Becky says:

    OOh. I have to comment. My girls have done the same thing. For awhile they would BEG to be dropped off at the local daycare (I mean, our backyard NEVER has a bounce house in it) and they comment “It looks like they are having so much fun.” Which of course means that I am the opposite of fun. The very antithesis. Ah. The love.

  18. Millie says:

    “No.” That cracked me up hard. In the end, it all boils down to No.

    Amen on Dan’s comment.

  19. Nancy says:

    I wouldn’t say Laylee is lucky.

    I would say she’s blessed to have such a mom.

  20. EDW says:

    That was absolutely hysterical. I had to read it aloud to my husband, who cracked up, too.

    Do you ever figure out how much it would cost to replace you? The amount is staggering! My husband could never afford it, even with life insurance, and yet I know people who think what I do is worthless.

  21. LOL! This cracked me up, thank you!

    When my hubby goes to work my almost 3 year old asks why and I say “So that Mommy can stay home and play with you all day.” Sometimes he’ll then say “But I want Daddy to play at home.” Ahhh it makes our job so much easier…LOL!!!

  22. OMSH says:

    My son was in what we called pre-pre-k last year. They call it “TreeHouse School” – and I think that earned them an extra $100/month.

    It was daycare.

    My son loved it.

    I brought him home to be with me after I sold my web hosting business and a week never passes where he doesn’t say, “Mommy, why did you make me leave my fun school?”


    He will go into REAL Pre-K in 3 weeks. He is exuberant.

    Yea, I’m all that and a bag of chips.

  23. Sarah Cool says:

    …… this post made me do that “evil, wrong, yet so funny” kind of laughter right here in my office. My neighbor just said, “What are you laughing at???”

  24. Leigha says:

    hahaha that was a great post

  25. julia says:

    Heh. Ah, they say such heartwarming things, don’t they? Makes you want to sell ’em for science experiments some days.

  26. ynaffit says:

    I worked in childcare so I could take my daughter WITH me! But I ran my ‘class’ unlike any other! I was silly! To this day, they still remember me as goofy tif I also ran it like school. I had my kids writing at the age of 3 and 4, counting, learning math principles, and even scientific principles. But I was a teacher unlike any other. I played mama in my daycare classroom because of the same thing. I wanted to be silly and sing and learn all day long with my daughter, and my heart ached for all the other mommies who couldn’t be with their babies. So keep up the good work, she’ll miss you when she goes to school, but she will know she was loved because you were with her every moment you could be so!

  27. Kellyn says:

    I am sitting right now at work, covering my mouth trying so very hard NOT to laugh out loud. But such a great story, that it makes my 5 year old asking me if we can go to heaven together seem not as strange. Thanks for sharing the greatest story of the day so far!

  28. Sketchy says:

    LOL, I have had a hard time convincing my kids that the magical playlands of daycare aren’t all they’re cracked up to be too. But then again they’ve never expressed the wish that I was dead so that they could live near Grandma…That is so outside the rules of playdough polite conversation.

  29. summershine says:

    Sorry for laughing. That is way too funny though!

  30. Aunt Murry says:

    I think it may be time to find a Mommy’s Day Out for Miss Laylee. They she will have the best of both worlds!

  31. RGLHM says:

    Oh man, you are killing me!!!!! Play-dough? So great! I love the belief part the best. Pure Faith.

  32. Shalee says:

    Well, I’ll just tell you now that I proudly laughed my way through this one. That’s what you wanted anyway, so you might as well know it.

    It’s also a darned-if you-do-darned-if-you-don’t situation. The grass is always greener on the other side, but unfortunately Laylee doesn’t know how much manure is used to get it looking that way.

    I say just enjoy the fact that you get to be with them, even if they don’t. That’s how it typically works anyway. They just don’t know how good they’ve got it now, but they will when they’re older. At least we hope they will…

  33. Lei says:

    Ah, so Milli Vanilli is your secret weapon? Ace of Base is mine.


  34. Melissa says:

    We had a baby sitter all lined up one evening and then she had to cancel. My 8 year old cried. Literally bawled because he was going to have to spend the evening with us. I wasn’t particularly thrilled myself… thanks for the laugh

  35. Cmommy says:

    I’ve been known to play some Keith Urban for my preK students….

    You made me laugh–again, always–thank you!

  36. chilihead says:

    I will babysit Laylee and Magoo. My only requirements are airfare and Chili Glasses.

  37. Bonnie says:

    Hillarious, I am a working mom, but thankfully dad works nites… well, thankfully for child care reasons..unless of course our four year old is hitting him over the head with frozen hotdogs while he sleeps or blasting a school child’s recorder in his ear to let him know that he needs his b** wiped… hey wait… maybe it’s not the optimum solution 🙂 Anyhow, just wanted to let you know, I really enjoyed your post, savor your time with your babies!!!!!! Also, take heart, once you have teenagers there are times when a death wish is a daily occurance 🙂 At least you have teachable moments…

  38. Alice says:

    I think it’s great that she doesn’t really have a concept of what daycare is. I had a similar conversation with my 3 1/2 yr old son after passing one of the mega day-care playgrounds. I do work part-time but my husband stays home when I work so my son just has no concept of not having one of us. Except when I asked him if he would like going there without Mommy or Daddy, he said “sure”. (He won’t even separate to go to Sunday School so I found that amusing to say the least.) Then he followed with….”and grandma or pop or auntie will be there”. I realized he just has no clue, and I’m glad he doesn’t.

  39. Gina says:

    Excellent post! I had the same goal to be a stay at home mom because if I brought them into the world, I should be the one raising them… but alas, that didn’t work out completely like I wanted it to. You make some great points about how lucky your baby girl is to have you ALL the time! Mommies love their babes more than anyone else on the planet for sure!

    Her comment about the ressurection got my heartstrings… goes to show you are indeed there for her and teaching her the gospel. What a blessed family!

  40. Um…trying being a work outside the home mom and having the kids scream with delight when you tell them, after a week of having them home on “Vacation”, that they are going back to daycare on Monday…now THAT’S feeling like chopped liver.

  41. MsRebecca says:

    Aww great post.. I wish I could have stayed home more often with the kiddlings 🙁

  42. So,
    -You’ll just get resurrected
    -She never gets to see grandma and grandpa

    On the other hand:
    -she doesn’t know the rules of play-doh
    -her hair looks funny

    Ah Laylee, she’s precious.

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