Can’t Touch This

I like to get down, especially when I’m driving alone in my car. For that reason, I have not yet burned to the ground the radio broadcasting corporation that took away my favorite Seattle mix station and replaced it with a station called “Movin our-commercials-show-multiple-people’s-butts-shaking-and-bobbing-around-in-circles 92.5-FM.”

The station is REALLY hit or miss. One minute you’ve got some Nelly crap (no, not that Nelly) and the next, you get some sweet eighties dance tune.

On the way to Target this evening, they were playing some steaming-pile song, degrading women in general, yet glorifying those who walk around in daisy dukes and bikini tops… and they couldn’t even turn a rhyme… HELLO!! If you’re gonna rap over a bad generic Hip-Hop track about all kinds of skanky skeez, at least do it with some style. I still won’t listen to you, but at least I won’t call you out publicly on my blog.

So I ended up with Delila who instructed me to “slow down and love someone.” I personally like to love people very quickly because then I have more time to love more people. Please do not connect this paragraph with the skeez mentioned above.

In the parking lot, two girls were standing by their car, huddled up together and looking nervous. One mentioned to the other how fast her heart was beating and I thought, “I wonder if they’re meeting up with their internet boyfriends for the first time tonight. How exciting and scary. Does their mother know?” This line of thought brought to you by my viewing of the movie “Drive me Crazy”, starring that teenage witch girl, a movie which I attended in disguise, lest I be discovered by one of my film friends and mocked for the rest of my college career. Incidentally, this film also started a chain of events which landed me at a Backstreet Boys concert with sparkles on my chest and corn-rows in my hair.

On the way home from Target, I was lucky enough to catch MC Hammer doing his stunning rendition of his original classic You Cannot Touch This on the posterior-shaking radio station. I car-danced like it was my job, and at 9:00 at night, it basically is.

On my post yesterday, creatively entitled “Dude.,” Anonymous said “You get a lot of comments, so what exactly are you insecure about?”

I think it’s time I come out with the truth. I am insecure about the fact that although, like the great MC Hammer I am “dope” “on” “the” “floor”, I am not, however, “ma”-“gic” “on” “the” “mic”. There you have it. My rap skills have been slipping lately. We have yet to christen the new house with a real, no holds barred, Daring Family Freestyle Rap Battle.

I feel your collective gasp before it escapes your keyboards and I am ashamed. If I ever find the Karaoke machine in the 6’ high stack of boxes that is my living room, I will remedy the situation. Then? Once I’ve brushed up on my skeelz on the microphonizzle, insecurity… she will be gone. Until then, it doesn’t matter how many comments I get or how many times Laylee bolster’s my confidence with questions like, “Mommy, can you please use some covering-up makeup? You have some red spots on your face,” I will remain insecure.

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20 Responses to Can’t Touch This

  1. Naddin J says:

    I love car dancing. I love dancing in general, but since I only get the rare opportunity to go with hubby and friends and boogie, I have to rely on my one outlet.

    We have a “Charlie” radio station here in town that is very random. Sometimes I like it and sometimes I feel like smashing my radio with a hammer… or turning the dial to something else (depending on what time of the month it is).

  2. Sarah says:

    So, did you know that The Hammeris a blogger? No kidding. Based on this post, I’d say he would definitely consider your car-dancing to be your job, or at least your civic duty. Keep dancin’ girl – like he said, “the world needs to dance”

  3. surcie says:

    So funny. Love the “I car danced like it was my job” line. Because of you I can admit that I car-danced yesterday to Bobby Brown’s “Humpin Around” (c. 1992).

    Whew, that’s a load off.

  4. dfinley says:

    I wonder if this insecurity is something that women are raised to have so that we will remain beholden to those (men) who try to bring us up? I only suggest this because I too, like you have this totally what most would call unfounded insecurity about so much. My baby shower is Saturday–we’re adopting from Ethiopia–and I keep saying to hubby–what if no one comes? What if no one brings a gift–I am not totally shallow but come one the first baby is very pricy. I don’t know where this comes from. I always thought I was very confident–or so I thought. I am so vain I put a counter on my blog so that I could see how many views it gets. I’m slightly neurotic too.

  5. So my husband told me he was thinking of applying to firms in Seattle and asked what I thought. To be completely honest I thought to myself my friend DYM is in Seattle. Alright!!! That post just validated my earlier thoughts. Seatle here we come…

  6. seriously, I wish I was 1/2 as witty as you! Car dancing is great! Not so much during the day when people drive off scared in the opposite direction. I often sing songs to my baby while driving and I notice people watching and laughing…oh well, they’re not the one’s that have to listen to her screaming!
    I saw that Sarah mentioned McHammer has a blog, I checked it out and was pleased that I get more comments than him.LOL. Maybe I am cooler than the Hammer afterall.

  7. Caryn says:

    This is why I finally broke down and subscribed to XM, which at least gives me a little more music control. Of course, we have only four stations here: Christian, country, NPR, and local radio with an endless stream of volunteer DJs. The last three stations have their times, but they just don’t fulfill me musically at all moments. Hence the XM.

  8. NoSurfGirl says:

    Car dancing- nice. But 80’s music? I was a nerd in the 80’s and didn’t listen to music, so I never learned to appreciate it.

    As for the teenage witch girl movie– I also wanted to see it but was too embarrassed to admit it. Maybe one of these days I’ll check it out of the library.

  9. NoSurfGirl says:

    Car dancing- nice. But 80’s music? I was a nerd in the 80’s and didn’t listen to music, so I never learned to appreciate it.

    As for the teenage witch girl movie– I also wanted to see it but was too embarrassed to admit it. Maybe one of these days I’ll check it out of the library.

  10. abc momma says:

    On our last road trip, Ant discovered Cindy Lauper’s “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” song. I had to play it over and over for him to get his fill.

    I’m more self concious singing along and car dancing while driving in the city, but all that goes out the window when we’re on the freeway. Wooo-hooo!

  11. Shalee says:

    Girl, I challenge you to a car dance – anyday, anytime.

    But hands down, you win the rap thing. I just can’t get my mouth to work fast enough for it.

    Find that karaoke fast and get rid of those insecurities. You are so much more than comments and red spots! You’re a blog queen! (You could do with some work on that wave, though…)

  12. Mama Darlin' says:

    Let it fly, sister!

  13. Heth says:

    Did you buy anything great at Target? I heart that store.

  14. Kelly says:

    So when do we get to see the video of you car dancing???

    Also, I am a lurker too… and I find it is not good for hits or comments.
    And I’m with Angela… she hit it right on the head.
    The internet is a strange place.

  15. HLH says:

    Oh i long for XM if for nothing else than to listen to ’80’s dance hits. My inlaws have XM but all they use it for is to listen to old old old country music (think Eddie Rabbit). What a waste I say!

  16. emlouisa says:

    I love car dancing too. And I only listen to Delila when I am feeling especially soulfull (sp?) and depressed. A little of the Delila spin and POOF, depression.

  17. You are wild. Just remember the Gaspe station. Paula Abdul and Bob Marley.

  18. Jodi Jean says:

    hmmm, i dont understand your frustration about radio, as i never listen to it, i heart my ipod. i can always listen to what i want without having to dig through millions of cds. i highly recommend it, it makes car dancing all the better

  19. Susan M says:

    Just discovered your blog. The Mountain was my favorite radio station in Seattle. At least, among the few my co-workers would tolerate.

  20. sanders5 says:

    Okay, thing is … um … well, the fact that we can ‘rock to the 80s’ really is quite scary.

    It was great meeting you at blogher – are you saving for your ’07 ticket? Will you be in NY or Chicaaaaaago?

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