This is Not an Art Blog

Please do not nominate me for anything in that category of blog awards. Leave that to the experts. I think I should be allowed to post about my artistic and martial arts skills from time to time though, without really crossing any major lines.

It starts with a little mishap the other day where I accidentally knocked over a folding chair in front of my family. I’m not sure if it was the Buster Keaton, the Jackie Chan, or the Hulk Holgan in me that made me try to pull this off as a sort of slapstick fall, leading into a martial arts turned WWF chair-throwing move.

Once I had picked the chair up and slammed it to the ground, I proceeded to give it a flying hammer.

“Look Laylee,” I said, slapping my hand to my elbow and jumping as high into the air as my post-Magoo body would allow. “This is called a flying hammer.”

yellow beltDan, who believes that knowledge is power, that with great power comes great responsibility, and that the responsibility of knowing how to administer the flying hammer is too much for a three-year-old in possession of a younger brother to handle, advised me against carrying on with the lesson.

What does he know? Who wears the yellow belt in this family?

That’s right.

It’s me.
(Yes I realize that is the ugliest picture I’ve ever posted of myself.)

Alas, once more his wise logic won out over my crazed need to teach our children WWF maneuvers.

But his victory does not mean that Laylee doesn’t know which parent bears the swirling fists of fury at el rancho de los Darings.

Laylee and I were having a friendly coloring smackdown the other day. We drew pictures of each other (Although Laylee wanted to fill in her own face. I cannot take credit for her amazing face drawing skills. I think she spent an hour just shading her upper lip.)

laylee drawing

mommy drawing

What do you notice about these pictures, besides that her drawing of me is better than mine of her, that my hair is actually orange and green (I usually fix it in Photoshop before posting), that her skin is the color of cherry-flavored mud and that my ears are as big as my feet?

That’s right. She was somehow able to capture in the wax medium the incredible speed and reflexes of my swirling fists of steel and fury.

I don’t mean to brag, but my friends do tell me that I am quite skilled at mixing it up in the ring. I won’t even go into my performance in cage matches.

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24 Responses to This is Not an Art Blog

  1. Grammy says:

    I wish I could have been there to see that little maneuver. It’s somehow reminiscent of the elementary school trick of flinging oneself out of trees. I’m sure Laylee was impressed. You are the mostest! I always have fun when I’m with you. Love you, TONS!

  2. Alissa says:

    be sure to lay the SMACKDOWN. someday, I may get around to posting the lovely painting my daughter did the other day… we apparently live in a world with 2 suns. one regular, the other blue.

  3. I’ll trade your swirling fists of fury for our approximately 1″ wide by 11″ tall house. It’s a little squished in here.

  4. I made it all the way up to brown belt- then I turned 40 and I thought- what the heck am I doing here?! I still have all my boards that I broke wrapped in their respective belts- yes, I was young and powerful- once… kick butt, Kathryn!

  5. Stephanie says:

    That’s funny.

    (Can I please get the award for worst commentor?)

  6. Rachelle says:

    LOL! That just makes my day. I so love the whirling arms of death and destruction. Can you clean that fast too? Do they work like that? Because I may have to beef up or something if I can clean my house fast with arms like that.

  7. Margaret says:

    “By the power of Greyskull – I HAVE THE POWER!” Yes, with great power comes great responsibility – and greater fashion sense. Evidence: Your picture and Prince Adam / Heman’s furry loincloth.

  8. Moonface says:

    that was funny – and i love the picture of you, ready to take on an opponent.

  9. No kidding, wish I could have seen it. I am loving the picture though.

  10. Linsey says:

    I think you look positively smashing in that photo… I can totally picture you putting the smackdown on a chair. Way to go!

  11. Chilihead2 says:

    Hmmmm. New super power, huh? You can now get a great parking space and threaten anyone who tries to take it.

    My t/f meme is up and I also have a feed now!


  12. Lei says:

    Lmbo… like me trying to teach my 6 yr. old tae bo! Never forget that yours is definitely a skill to be proud of ;-).

  13. bowersita says:

    I can’t believe DYD put the kabash on the WWF manuvers. And I always thought you were the sensible, responsible one… Bahh ha ha. Didn’t you tell him you were the pig wrestling champion at the Calagry rodeo, and that you are a professional and know what you are doing? Love the blog.

  14. HLH says:

    snicker snicker, I love the spinning fists!

  15. emlouisa says:

    I love the shading on the upper lip. Very nice.

  16. Lauren says:

    Your daughter’s arms, they are beginning to take after yours, no? I’d love to see the actual green and orange hair instead of the PhotoShop version. Please.

  17. Bethany says:

    I am thoroughly enjoying this blog. You crack me up!

    It’s really nice to read after a long day of work! 😀

  18. Kelly says:

    you and the yellow belt made me laugh! (in a good way though…)

  19. JennyBee says:

    the flying hammer in hammer pants, no less.

  20. Nutella says:

    Those are beautiful pictures. My ears are the same size as my feet as well, but my hands are bigger than all of my other features according to my little cousin 🙂

  21. Heather says:

    Love this post and Laylee Lou! And you!

  22. chris says:

    I love the picture!

    Were you shouting, “You want a piece of me?”

  23. andrea says:

    Hilarious! Wish I’d seen this *before* writing my Valentine’s Day post, though, and I would’ve promised to be more arty and less snarky for all your fans who decided to take a peek.

    PS Laylee’s art skills are equal only to your martial arts skills. I’m going to run away now…

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