This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
Very well put. Thank you, Sister.
A resounding “Amen”. Very well and might I add, awesomely said.
Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hear!
Thanks so much this is what I needed, yes I do have a tendency to ditz on myself, we all do, but in my old age I find those small drops of awesome is really what makes the world go around: may I say BEAUTIFULLY SAID!!!!!!
wow. i came across a link to this post. i really needed this today. i have been very sick for about 6 weeks now. this is my 5th pregnancy so i know the drill. this will last a very very very long time for me. and the guilt has set in. as if i didn’t already feel like a failure in my life, but then it was even more evident during this pregnancy that i am a bad mom. i cannot even feed my kids or get them ready for school because i have been so so sick. you have inspired me to do something VISUAL for the rest of my pregnancy–so i can get through this feeling more POSITIVE about what I CAN do and not what I am failing at. and the visual in my mind of you overflowing the bowl? tears streaming down my face. sometimes i forget that the atonement is not just for sin, it is for how i am feeling right now. and only HE knows. and only HE can compensate for my failures. THANK YOU.
My sister sent me the link to this post earlier today because she felt prompted to. It was everything I needed right now and brought me to tears. Thank you so much for sharing this!
This should be submitted to the Ensign. Super awesome. You may have just changed my life. Now I just have to start counting my drops!
Thank you so much! I am in tears as I write this. Thank you for listening to the spirit and sharing your thoughts and beliefs with others so that we can all learn and grow. I just happened to click on this link and I feel so blessed for doing so. Thank you again and God bless you and your family :).
Well Said! I can definitely relate!
Thank you for sharing. This is a constant battle for me. It was very good to hear your perspective.
Thank you for this. I feel awesome now.so able to feel part of a community where we all feel the same way but do t have the words like you do to eloquently express it. It is also amazing that there are so many of us who say these things in our heads. Again, makes me feel like I am not so alone. Sending you drops of awesome!
Your words were a blessing to me this morning. Thank you!
Thank you for this, Kat! I found you (& this post, in particular) via Momastery… and what a good find, to be sure! Thanks for sharing your awesomeness with us. <3
this was an amazing post! thank you so much, i needed to hear this. we will have this on our family rules wall (up lifting sayings). thank you thank you thank you!
you have no idea of the gift you have given me with this piece…
thank you so much!!
I came across this shared post on my news feed on facebook. I just want to say that you are not alone in this journey. I often do the very same thing. This has completely touched me. Thank you for this . <3
I needed this today…everyday.
Thanks!
So many of us can relate… off to spread my own drops of awesome around. Thank you!
Wow, thanks. And I agree, every woman should print, share, re-read and internalize this message. I know I will.
Thank you sooo much. I’m printing this off to store it and read it again and again so that this message can really sink in (I know it hasn’t yet, since as I read it I found myself thinking “yeah, well, she probably really IS a good mom/wife/person, while I really AM a bum”). I love the atonement tie-in at the end. Perfect analogy!
This is just. . . perfect. And exactly what I needed to read this morning. I also need to remember that awesome comes in all different shapes and sizes and colors. And sometimes I choose one kind of awesome (rushing my kids out the door to get to work on time and be a good professional) and sometimes I choose a different kind of awesome (taking a few extra minutes to snuggle or play trains and stride into work 15 minutes late). Just because earning that drop of awesome meant giving a little somewhere else doesn’t mean it makes you any less awesome! Love love love this!
Wow! Those are my daily constant negative thoughts exactly, almost word for word. I didnt realize how much I actually do this, till I read this article. Thank you so much for the wonderful inspiration. This is exactly what I needed right now in my life.
thank you so, so much…for reminding us of who we are. grateful for your voice.
Thank you SO much for these wonderful spirit filled inspired words! I needed to read this and am SO thankful to my Father in Heaven for giving us the gosple and sisters to strengthen and share and support each other. This is beautiful and inspired.
As a grandmother and a mother of 4, I can tell you this is an amazing post. We all need to stop focusing on what we didn’t do and rejoice in those amazing moments with our kids where we just love them and know that it is the love, not the missing elements, that reflect true parenting and create long lasting relationships with our kids! I loved this post! Thanks for posting this message as a great reminder to enjoy the wonderful moments we have with our children – and that our children have with us.
I needed this post today, Kathryn–especially the parts about (failing in my) faith. I haven’t visited your blog in a long time–mainly because I stopped blogging. Can’t believe Magoo is in 2nd grade. I’m so glad to see you’re still blogging, and I hope you are doing well. Happy 2013!
Darcie (surcie.typepad.com)
I needed this today. Thank you!
There aren’t sufficient words to tell you what this meant to me. It was happenstance finding this…i take that back, I found this because of how desperately I needed to hear it. Thank you.
A huge thank you from Sweden!
This is just what I needed today 🙂
thank you i needed that alot!
Thank you for this. I read this yesterday after someone shared in on the Momastery wall and found your words playing in my head today just when I needed to hear them. I hope I can keep it up because it’s so powerful/ empowering. I’m glad to see that Glennon has now shared it – I know it will help so many others too.
THANK YOU again 🙂
This made my day…week…year…life! Thank you for a wonderful perspective.
YESSSSSS!!!!! I do not share your faith, but I do share your point of view on Drops of Awesome, and God most certainly used you to speak to me today. Thank you for your courage and your Light!
That was awesome and I needed it today!
YOU are awesome. Everything you said rang true to me. You seem so down to earth and so uplifting at the same time. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing this. I feel this way a lot of the time & your wisdom helped me realize it’s ok & how to move forward. Your object lesson near the end brought me to tears. I am grateful for a friend that shared this link on Facebook & I have shared it on mine as well. Thank you again 🙂
I needed this SO much. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I have a chronic illness and always feel like I’m letting someone down, my husband, my kids, myself… This is awesome and I’ll keep a copy close so I can be reminded of this as often as I need to be!
Very well said…
Thank you for taking the time to post this!
We all need to remember those amazing drops of Awesome!
Happy parenting :O)
I was very ill when my kids were little. It was so hard to even get them dressed sometimes. You never know what life will throw at you. I had the best of intentions and wanted to do so much more than what I was physically able to. I discovered I was perfect for my kids all they really wanted was my love and attention. They didn’t see all that I wasn’t able to do. I brought them in bed with me and colored, read books, did crafts etc on days I wasn’t well. I learned to stop focusing on what I hadn’t gotten done and celebrate what I had even if it was simple. Years later I am much better and look back at those times fondly because they were filled with lots of love and snuggling time.
It doesn’t look like you need another comment on this post but I just want you to know that I’ve been inspired. These words are eternal truth and words that all moms need to read. I am so glad a friend shared this on her facebook today. I am following your blog because I love real and I know you will inspire me again. And also because I am so glad to know that I am not the only nocturnal-creatured mother out there. 🙂
Thank you, with a full heart . . . things I know, but needed to hear.
Wow. That is SO insightful. And JUST what I needed to read. It is so true that if we just let ourselves have our drops of awesome (instead of being all “so you’re reading him a book. how much TV has he watched today?”) it would begit more and more because we could let ourselves feel good about it. And it would be such a great thing for our kids and everyone around us and of course ourselves. Heck, this post was a whole ocean of awesome flooding lots of people all from the little drops of awesome you let yourself have!
I love this object lesson. So beautiful! Thanks for sharing and inspiring. You should turn it into the Ensign.
You have impacted my life today! Put another drop of awesome in your bucket! Thanks!!!
Your Drops of Awesome are oil in your lamp! Thanks for the tears.
Wow, Thank you.
I love this! I so needed to hear it. I have been struggling for weeks with this. To know that I am not the only woman who struggles like this is some what of a relief. I am printing so I can reread when ever I need to!! And I will be sharing! Thank you again
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Thank you for this awesome post. I have to be honest, I almost stopped reading part way through because for some very silly reason I have always thought about doing what is right in a more “black or white” outlook. In my head I was telling myself that your post was just justifying not being the best you can be ALL the time. But, I kept reading and I am so glad I did. When I got tho the part about the object lesson you did for your Young Women, tears started to stream down my cheeks. The visual of the pitcher of water with the word “Atonement” on it was so wonderful. Not only does this apply to me (and thank heaven that it does), but it also applies to others around me. Namely, that humble guy I call husband. If I am allowed to count my drops one drip at a time and then have my bowl filled with the savior’s love, then so is he and, so is everyone else that I feel so inclined to judge along the way. I am sorry that I judged your words too quickly. Your words really have given me a sense of peace and hope.
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