This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
much needed. i really loved this. thank you.
Get out your pitcher because you just earned a drop of awesome for every word you wrote. My perspective is completely changed. Deep heartfelt thanks to you.
I just thought I’d let you know we talked about this at FHE last night, and we’ve created a Bucket of Awesome for our family goal this year. We will write on pieces of paper when WE do something awesome or when we see someone else in our family doing something awesome. Then we’ll read them out loud at FHE every week. Seems like a perfect way to look for the good in others AND in ourselves. Thanks for the great idea!
WOW! I am that person!! As I began to read this I was like, wow better check that I didn’t write this last night in my journal!! THIS is EXACTLY how I treat myself!! I am a single mother of 5 AMAZING, did I say, AMAZING children!! They are AWESOME!! I am that mom who thinks, I got my bra on WOOHOOT…and rushes late out the door everywhere wondering if it was on inside out…who cares, it’s doing the job…:) But that negative inner voice loves to hate my goodness and I feel so down most of the time! I critisize myself all day long and wonder why my kids love ME! I cannot tell you how GRATEFUL I am to have stumbled upon this post!! I have read that scripture many times and from time to time can see the implications..never has it really occued to me in this light!! And that is what this post is for me, LIGHT…Thank you for your honesty! I know I shouldn’t be grateful for someone suggesting they are part nocturnal and sleep later than they should but..I AM! It changes the tone of my whole day and is usually where my inner war begins!! So THANK YOU is not enough but it’s one drop of awesomeness I freely offer! I stopped long enough to READ this and I know it is going to be a source of strength in the life ahead of me!! God does love me..Now I can love myself one tiny drop of awesomeness as a time!! Loved your analogy of the ATONEMENT here as well!! Truly a great FHE lesson idea!! Off I go to grab that granola bar wrapper just peeking out from under the couch…for I honeslty don’t know how long 😉 Thanks again! Sincerely, READY TO RECOGNIZE MY AWESOMENESS!
Sharon
What a beautiful and insightful article, and much needed my me and my family right now. I’m re-posting it, printing it, and using it starting today. I also love the idea that Karen gave and we may be doing this too!!
Thank you.
A friend of mine shared this on facebook, and boy did i need it today! My house is a disaster and my kids are fighting and my day was going downhill FAST (and it’s not even 8 am!)
Those discouraging remarks are things i hear every single day from my own inner voice. Every time i do something good, it’s washed away by despair over the things i DIDN’T do. It’s a hard habit to overcome. But like everything else, i think it’s just one of those things you have to practice. “I did something good and let myself feel good about it. Drop of awesome.” 🙂 Anyway, thank you so much for your inspiring post. I’ll be sharing it on Facebook too.
Great post. There are so many times that I am overcome with my inadequacies that it would seem that the only solution is to sink deeper into despair and quit trying. Great object lesson and great imagery of what truly matters in life.
Thank you for pouring your heart out here. It is beautiful to read. A wonderful reminder to step back and see the good we really do. YOU are AWESOME! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! 🙂
Wow! I just taught the YW in our stake something very similar. I talked about some days we’re grumpy. Some days we mess up, but some days we push back and move forward….some days we are awesome! I gave them bracelets that said “TBA Today Be Awesome” Because in my own life, that mantra help me dust myself off and push forward with joy.
This is beautiful! Thanks for sharing
Thank you for sharing this. It made me not feel so guilty about letting my kids eat pumpkin pie for breakfast this morning after 2 weeks of the nastiest flu bug/sinus headache/cough ever. Think of all that vitamin A awesomeness I let them have for breakfast. And, I love the object lesson. Purely awesome!!!
Thank you, this really hit home for me.
With treats streaming down my face I say, “thank you” for giving me permission to feel awesome, for allowing the spirit to testify of this truth we so often allow the adversary to cloud. Very well said.
Thanks I needed this today!
I think that this is great. I think that most of us moms (or even women without kids) get sucked into the whole mindset that we are never good enough. At least I know I do. But then I started to think (the epiphany was just this week) that instead of feeling overwhelmed because I am far from being a super mom or wife of the year because I don’t have a spotless house or pay every second of the day to my child, to just focus on small things and do even one small thing a day. I have only started doing this, but I really feel like I accomplished something big–even if it’s a mundane thing like organizing the spice drawer. It may seem like peanuts to others, but it is a big accomplishment for me. From now on, I will need to think of these things as small drops in the bucket of my awesomeness. Thanks. 🙂
This is amazing! Really loved this. Thank you for helping me to change my perspective. As moms we are really critical of ourselves and we DO do so many great things at any given moment but we fail to recognize those ‘drops of awesome’ because we let the not so great moments cloud our visions of who we are and who the Lord knows us to be.
I love how you said here “who the Lord KNOWS us to be”. That’s exactly it. He knows who we are. I don’t think we always do.
You were definitely inspired by the Holy Ghost! I for one needed to read this, along with the others. I never forgot the article I read in July 1997 Ensign on Adversity. I was in a state of depression, and it was why me? Why is this happening to me? Until, I read that article that changed the way I look at adversities. Now, it’s OMGosh! We’ve got a really big blessing coming, cause this is a big bad adversity we’re going through right now! So, the bigger the adversity, the bigger the blessing. Now, this give’s me a new way of looking at myself and others. It’s like, thinking you gotta get a 2 yr supply of food storage together. It overwhems you! But, if you buy it a little at a time, you can get that 2 yr supply together. So, by working on your drops of awesome for the day, and each day. The changes will happen, and mold you into a better person! I’m gonna print and post on my frig as a daily reminder, not just for me. For others in the household as well. I never thought, I would be able to spiritually grow out here in Siberia! In the middle of no where! hahhaa! The lord reaches out to all, somehow, someway! Thank You so much!
Thank you so much for this! Really, it’s changed the way I’m thinking already – a little drop of awesome. 🙂
Our relief society Pres. read your very special ‘drops of awesome ‘ in meeting yesterday. It filled my eyes with tears and all there felt the spirit. It is my prayer that every daughter of God will realize the blessings we have and look at the positive things in our lives and all that we can do. We are not all alike–but all of us can be more positive with ourselves and look for the good in ourselves as we do in others. This is very important–to see the good in the world and to help each other to see the good in ourselves. Thank you for a meaningful and productive lesson!
I seriously needed this. I have two step kids and one of my own, and my husband and I are having another baby on the 8th of February, so I have very limited mobility, not to mention I’ve been sick with the flu and am also on bed rest, so I can’t accomplish a whole lot, and I beat myself up about not having the energy to do 5 people’s laundry, or unload and load the dishwasher, or make an extravagant meal for dinner. Yesterday I got excited that I was able to organize dirty dishes in the sink and spread peanut butter on a slice of bread without passing out. And sitting in church for 3 hours is absolutely out of the question. I can barely sit for more than 10 minutes. My husband gently prompts me not to get so down on myself because I can’t physically do more.
You touched my heart and made me really think about who I am….and my relationship with the Lord.
As I was reading, I totally relate. Mother of 4, messy house most of the time, heck, it’s almost noon and I haven’t even gotten dressed yet! Half way down the post I was thinking: that one thing this morning- I was someone who keeps their word! and Then I did that other thing- I was someone who follows through and gets thing done! Oh Yeah! I wanted to get a jar and start filling it with drops!
Then, I got to your thoughts on our relationship with the Savior. How humbling. I am crying as I type. Thank you. I cannot tell you how needed that was or how deeply it touched me. (Ugh. I sound like my Mom, but it is true.) Obviously, by your post you are LDS. I can honestly say in this writing you fulfilled that line, “The errand of angels is given to women.”
THANK YOU for being inspired to write this post! It came at a much needed time. (not by accident I’m sure). I plan on using this both in FHE and in a RS lesson. Not to mention just remembering your words in my everyday life. THank you for making me feel AWESOME! We are moms, and we do the best we can!
I appreciate the post, and the comments.
Thank you
I have never thought of all these tings in this manner. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I am very appreciative for this post to come into my life today. I believe the words that you have so elequently put together are exactly what this woman needed.
I have lost my sense of worth and have felt quite lonely and sad but…I now have an exciting adventure to follow. I am forever grateful to you for your perspective on life and giving to me the tools or the DROPS of AWESOME to find along my own journey. again I thank you my friend:)
Thank you! I need to remind myself of this often!
We did this for FHE last night, and it will by my Visiting Teaching message today. Thank you so much for your insight. You are AWESOME!
I cut the words, “Drops of Awesome” out of vinyl and put it on our fridge to remind the family of the Awesome lesson we had in FHE last night. Thank You!
You wrote this as an answer to my prayer today. Just wanted you to know that:)
I cannot begin to understand how hard it is to be a mother in this world. But! I do know its difficult to be a father. Reading Alma chapter 7 today was the first drop of scripture reading awesome that has really hit me in a long time. Thanks for the great post, and thanks to my wife for leaving it open for me to read. She is a tanker truck full of AWESOME!!!!
Great post and insight- this post reminds me of the book I am reading: “Falling to Heaven” by James Ferrell. Every page is full of new insights and helps you to recognizes truths you may have never considered before. You would all love it. Read it!!
This was so beautiful! It espouses so much of what I believe, and a wisdom I have been trying to impart with other. Thank you for posting this. I will be sharing this on my One Day of Peace FB page, and link it on my blog for others to read, I love it that much!
This post was so great! thank you for writing this! I think this also applies to how we treat others especially our children and spouse. I want to read this to my family and then teach this to them by the way I treat them.
Thank you
This was fantastic. I have been filled with the spirit by reading this. Thank you so much!
This was just what I was praying for, I have read this many times. Thank you!
As a mom who’s scared and nervous because she’s starting homeschooling and found out she’s pregnant, I needed this. I feel inadequate. Thank you for reminding me that through the Savior’s love and atonement that’s OK.
I don’t have to be perfect every day, all day. I just have to do the best I can and the Savior makes up the rest.
Drops of awesome is right! What an amazingly encouraging post.
Wow. Thank you. I needed that so much!
THANK YOU for a new perspective today! I appreciate your thoughts.
A friend of mine linked this on facebook. Thank you. Sent your link to my mom and sister. Wonderful, wonderful post. As LDS women, it is so, so easy to get caught up in what we’re NOT doing. Thank you for the reminder.
wow! really touched my heart today.
… Katie… thankyou for these very heartfelt and inspiring words… even an old lady need to be reminded of these very things… i popped on to your blog from a friends f.b. post and saw your smile and recognized you right away …you have grown into a beautiful woman… got a fun card from your mom and dad for Christmas … all the best Laurel ..
simply beautiful, thanks for sharing, I am teaching about the atonement in seminary tomorrow, this couldn’t be more perfect for my class.
(I haven’t read all 435 comments, so perhaps someone has already said this.)
There is an even more expansive way to look at this — one which I think is very important. It’s great that you walked your son to the bus stop. It really truly is. But it’s also great that you usually let him go by himself. Giving your children the room to exercise independence is a marvelous thing.
So you just waved at your neighbor instead of stopping. You waved! Every positive human contact is a gift for someone who’s depressed.
So you don’t always get a bra on before your son goes to school. Terrific! You’re teaching him that appearance matters a whole lot less than breakfast, getting to school on time, and any number of other things. I mean, gosh, look at what you’d be teaching him if you got up super early to put on a bra and makeup so he didn’t ever see you looking like a normal human being?
So you had a critical thought about your kid. That’s important. It tells me you probably aren’t praising him for every little thing he’s doing. Kids need to know when they’ve messed up. And they need to know that you love them no matter what mistake they’ve made.
Sounds like you’re doing a heck of a job.
I have read through the 450 comments and -Nope! No one has said that. Thanks for the great insight and for helping me look at things in a different light.
I am soo glad that I followed the link from Just Sew Sassy. This was very uplifting at a time I really needed it. I’ve been beating myself up a lot over my failures, not seeing the drops of awesome. You showed me how to think in order to think more positively about myself. I printed up all of these great Bible quotes from online with awesome pictures attached that I planned to put up randomly to constantly be a reminder. They are in a pile. Maybe I’ll just do a couple a day, maybe I won’t be consistent. Maybe that’s ok. There’s always different stuff going on each day. Thank you!
Janet
Oh, the mommy guilt can be so destructive. Whenever I get bogged down with that weight, I remember that Christ died for us while we were still sinners. He came to redeem us, and even works through our failures to accomplish the purposes He has set for us. As an insightful pastor once said at a Bible study I attended, it is not our faith that saves us, but WHO our faith is in that holds us strong. My weaknesses drive me back to the Word and His truth:
He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. -2 Corinthians 5:21
For all of us have become like one who is unclean, And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; And all of us wither like a leaf, And our iniquities, like the wind, take us away. -Isaiah 64:6
But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it—the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. -Romans 3:21 – 22
But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the ages to come He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. -Ephesians 2:4-9
I adore this post and the great reminder and visual it has been for me! I am in the ward that your cousin, Elder Steele is serving in in Texas and awesomeness runs in your family! He is a wonderful missionary that has been an awesome example to my 3 little boys. We adore him! I LOVE your blog!
I LOVED this post!! Thank you so much for sharing! I really needed this, and I’ve made it my New Year’s Resolution to give myself drops of awesome. 🙂 Thank you thank you! 🙂
Thanks for this wonderful reminder to squash those negative voices and celebrate the tiny successes that work toward bringing us closer to the Divine! And I love that object lesson :>)
Thank you for this beautiful and inspired post. Just what I needed.