This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
My mom let me read this article. I think you did a great job hope you’re well. ~ Ruth age 7 🙂
Lovely to meet you Ruth. You are an awesome reader!
Thank you, thank you for this beautiful post. I needed it, and will be sharing it with others who I think may need it, too. 🙂
wonderful lesson, thanks so much
I’ve seen this post 3 or 4 times in the past few days on Facebook, with friends proclaiming how wonderful it is. I opted not to read it as I wasn’t in a feel-good kind of mood. Then today, something happened that made me feel about as low and awful and wretched as I could feel. I hopped on Facebook, and there it was AGAIN, posted by my sister this time. I decided to read it, and am consequently crying like I haven’t cried in a loooong time. This is EXACTLY what my spirit needed today!! It didn’t need it so much yesterday, or the day before that, but it did today! My soul could use a little bit of awesome. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing this beautiful advice!!
Hooray for good timing!
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Wow, this is a load of drops of awesome. I am happy I stopped by and I enjoyed reading your thoughts.
Blessings!
Living Waters by LeAnn
http://lgwilliams.blogspot.com
Oh my serious! I have been thinking the same things lately. I’ve had the worst self esteem for my entire life and I realized I would look for faults in other women to make myself feel better about myself. The funny thing is it never made me feel better about myself. Maybe even just the last few months I started really trying to focus on the good in other people. I thought that this would make me more depressed about who I am because I thought I would be comparing myself to all these amazing woman. I was wrong. In fact, only acknowledging the good in other people helped me to see the good I was doing too, and that good really can be joyful if you let it. In fact, I think my ability to love others, as well as my self, in a truly Christ-like way has increased. This is exactly how I feel, drops of awesome. The bad stuff doesn’t have to take away from the good. Let’s just celebrate the good and thank our Savior everyday for making up the difference. Seriously love this!! Thank you for posting.
Thank you for this comment. We are so all in this together. The comparisons will eat us alive. The last chapter of the book gets into how we need to allow those around us to be awesome too, to give them credit for every drop and overlook their shortcomings.
Wow. Beautifully written, and so insightful. Thank you for sharing this. It is something I needed to hear.
I needed to read this post. Thank you for takin the time to write it!
Thank you for sharing your inspiration! I have been pondering a RS lesson that I am giving tomorrow & felt that I could not finish it until I had lunch with some friends today. They shared with me your idea & I’m going to use it tomorrow. It fits perfectly with my lesson of Do Better. I have been using your idea of drops of awesome for a few months now, I just didn’t know that’s what I should call it. Thanks so much!
That is so great. At some point I’ll post the additional scriptural and doctrinal resources I used in the actual lesson. This version is streamlined to make it more mainstream.
Thank you for this post! I found this out because one of my friends liked this and posted it to her wall. Thank you so much for putting a positive outlook on life. This is what I needed in this very moment in time. Thank you so much for expressing your feelings into words. I really appreciate it. It’s so true that the ATONEMENT helps us see who we really are. Thank you!
This is amazing! Small things bring to pass great results, and I, for one, need to remember that! Thank you!
The reflection from your “Drops of Awsome” reaches us when we read these words. You added a very fat drop into your bowl and I added one to mine when I treated myself by learning from you. Kat you are a “Drop of Awsome”.
Thank you Rand!
Thank you for your hjoughtful blog. It helps me on so many levels. So grateful for your courage to set it to “paper” and allow the rest of us a chance to grow and share a perfect truth.
Love this! You have a gift with sharing the gospel and your testimony. Thanks for sharing. I think people can visualize and acknowledge their small successes everyday a little bit better now.
Just what I needed to hear today. I loved your object lesson with the atonement!
What a beautiful and well expressed lesson. Thank you so much for sharing that moment of inspiration by the Spirit and the ensuing expansion of the thought into something true and beautiful and inspiring–and HOW WONDERFUL that you were not only able to let it change your outlook, but that you were able to share it with your young women’s class. These are the kinds of lessons that will stay with them throughout their lives and will truly make a difference in the strength and depth of their testimonies. If I’m not being too bold, I had an equivalent lightning bolt of inspiration several years ago when all five of my children were young and my husband was in the stake presidency. I was feeling overwhelmed at my life and tremendously underwhelmed at my performance as a wife, mother, member of the Church and person in general. As you stated early on in your article, as you pondered and prayed about it, you felt the Spirit guiding you to record this experience and share it with others. As with you, the Spirit bore witness to me that this was not just MY experience, but was EVERYONE’S experience and it was my obligation to have a record of it available to share with anyone when the Spirit prompted. Again, as with you, as I began to record the experience, I felt the Spirit guid every single word I typed. Sometimes I would even have to take a break when I felt “a stupor of thought” as to how to accurately and effectively describe the experience as it truly happened. But without fail, each time the Spirit would work on me and the words would start flowing again. I have shared the “article”, if you will, many times in my formal teaching and also with people one-0n-0ne; and as I have felt my children were mature to appreciate its message–usually when they were preparing to serve their missions–I have shared it with them as well. It has never failed to have the same response because, as with your article, it is the Spirit speaking truth through you and when the reader also has the Spirit, the message sink into the reader’s soul and changes their very being. I entitled my article “Lehi’s fruit”, although my children and those close to me call it “grinding your oatmeal”, in reference to the object lesson the Lord used with me to make His point and let me know He had heard and was answering my pleas on a undeniably personal level. I would love to share my experience with you if you are interested. If so, you may write me at my email: ephraimette@gmail.com and I will be happy to send you a copy. Again, please forgive me if this has been too bold or out of place, but I just felt compelled to write you and express these thoughts.
Beautiful! Thank you! I can’t wait to do the same object lesson with my Laurels. =)
Thank you, Kathryn. Thank you, thank you, thank you.The reverberations of joy from your sharing this inspiration will echo for years. You’ll never know how many thousands of drops of Awesome you’ve just added to countless buckets…
My friend reposted this on her blog, which is where I read it. This is exactly what I needed to read! I have been feeling so down on myself lately. Thank you for sharing your insights.
How very much I needed this thought today! Thank you for being there for me and helping me to see the bigger picture. Your YW are lucky to have you!
Thank you – My mother just passed away and I was thinking of all the hurts that caused me to pull away, and what an ungrateful daughter I could be, how I wasn’t there for her in the end. As I read your words I started to think of all the times I talked with her on skype, all the good times shared with me helping in the garden side by side, cooking in the kitchen together, the time we deboned a turkey together that took us all day to do and it ended up looking like a roasted pig in the end – the laughter as we made one mistake after another. I will try to see it that way, the many drops of positive, the drops of awesome that are there as well.
Well said! Thank you for sharing your “drops of awesome”. 🙂
Kathryn, you moved into our ward just as we were moving out so I’m not sure you remember us. But I’ve been reading your blog ever since. Your way with words is always so insightful. This post was a huge drop of awesome. So many of my friends from all over the world has been posting it because so many of us Moms feel the same way. Thank you for sharing. It’s a great perspective on life and very inspiring to see someone feel the same way and help us look at our own drops of awesomeness and not beat ourselves up so much.
We talked about feeling guilty today in Relief Society and how crippling it is, not just to us but to our capacity to feel our Savior’s love and his plan for us. You said it so perfectly. I’m sharing this with everyone! 🙂 Keep being awesome.
Thank-you, I was feeling discouraged and this post helped 🙂
As I read your beautiful post, I couldn’t help but to think about myself.
I’m a single mom. The stress of having to do the work of two is overwhelming most of the time… Specially when I have to leave home before 6am with my 21 month old boy in my arms. That’ when I most think I’m doing everything wrong and that he shouldn’t be going through this.
Thanks for sharing this, made me realize that despite my wrong choices in the past, The Lord has done for me what I can’t do for myself. He has blessed me with such a special son. 🙂 He’s given me the Gospel. And that helps me find a lot of my drops of awesome.
Thanks again for sharing!
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“..there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus..” Romans 8:1 (NIV). None–nada–not one iota of condemnation! We are free now, not later–NOW! Every time I screw up I try to remember: that is why I needed a Savor not just a good set of rules. And I got one. Thank you Jesus!
What a beautiful way to look at it! I’ve had those same critical thoughts against myself — I can come up with so many more drops of critical than drops of awesome — and those critical drops are poisonous. I love the drops of awesome! Thanks for sharing!
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What a wonderful post! Thanks for sharing your insight with us, and beautifully written as well! I am going to do my best to think of all the drops of awesome this week and fill my well, and not take away from the goodness!
Thanks!
Thanks for sharing this! I love how it takes away the guilt and replaces it with hope. Thanks!
I am a Stake Relief Society president, and we have been preparing for our Ward Conferences and our Birthday Celebration, and our Women’s Conference. Your Blog was an answer to our prayers. We will be sharing your awesome lesson with the sister’s of our Stake and we thank you for allowing the spirit to touch your heart so that you can touch thousands of other hearts! Please contact me at bubbarogers1@comcast.net, we would love for you to share your testimony at either our Birthday Celebration or even better we would love for you to be one of our featured speakers at our Women’s Conference on May 18th! I look forward to hearing from you!!!!!!
I think we are twins separated in the pre-existence! You perfectly described me and how I feel (and I would venture to say many others)… Thank you for sharing your inspired insight…it is not a lesson I will soon forget! Keep being awesome!
My mother let me read your post and I loved it. For a while now I haven’t been feeling very confident in myself and that really helped me in school or at church. Thank you 🙂
Can I just tell you that I love you for posting this!! My friend emailed me the link to your website and this post, she didn’t know I needed it today (a day when I am filled with feelings of inadequacy) but I did! One drop of Awesome for her!!!
Thank you for this post! It was the culmination of a series of “happenings” that answered my prayers. Ever since I read it I have been going through my days noticing the good things I do and saying “drop of awesome!” I feel happy each time.
I really want to beg you to publish this. I want to own a hard copy so I can read it, and underline it, write notes in the margins, and put it in my journal, but most of all so I don’t have to worry that someday you may decide to stop blogging and it won’t be available anymore.
Thanks so much,
Eirinn
Since I’m a facebook nerd (meaning, I don’t do facebook as opposed to being BFF’s with facebook), I didn’t know about your post. Sorry. Apparently it’s quite a hit there (as it should be!). But someone commented on my blog today about it and so I googled and it’s wonderful. Really, superbly wonderful. I loved every word of it. I think you summed up so many feelings we all have as moms and seriously, I’m going to be repeating “yep, that’s a drop of awesome!” all day tomorrow and the next and the next. Thank you for putting this into words and posting it. You are an awesome mom and I’m so glad your drops of awesomeness can rub off on me!
hmmm… I smell a family home evening lesson. Thank you!
Thank you, truly I have read your blog for years and am always happier for it. Love you daring one!
Thank you so much for being daring enough to share your thoughts and testimony to the world. You are touching many lives of people you don’t even know, which means your little drops of awesomeness are causing a huge ripple effect. It also shows how one person can make a difference. With your post so many more of us will triumph in the little things we do each day. Truly a beautiful thing and deeply appreciated. Have you seen the Heart of Christmas Movie? Your blog post reminds me of the spear of influence we don’t realize that we have. Your spear of influence has greatly increased. Again Thank you so much and have an Awesome day.
Loved this. It made me think of The Screwtape Lettes by CS Lewis. Satan is so committed to us negating ourselves… If he can’t puff is up with pride, it’s the next weapon in his arsenal… Great read. XO
Thank you!!!!
I needed this. I am completely down. I have been sick. Really sick. Almost bedridden for the past two years. Today was an extremely rough day as I was seeing all the things I cannot do, all the ways I need others and see all the ways I am falling short. With tears in my eyes, thank you.
I felt the Spirit guide me to your blog post.
You have no idea how much my tender heart needed this today. Perfect timing. The Lords timing.
Thank you!
Jerlyn
Murphy-madhouse.blogspot.com
Jntmurphyathotmaildotcom
What a beautiful message! Thank you!
I cried and cried when I read this. How many times do we as women struggle with the shame of not being enough. I needed to hear these words so much. Thanks
My dear, this is an amazing post that you’ve shared with all of us! All I can say is a huge THANK YOU for such hopeful, joyous, and encouraging words! This was definitely something I needed to read and “hear” today . . . more than I can express. I’m looking forward to looking more around your blog. 🙂
Kathryn, you are a VERY talented writer! I saw this link bouncing around on Facebook, and I’m so glad I read it. Now I’m going to have to check out your other posts. Thank you for the beautiful message of this post.
Thank you soo much for this article! “Drops of awesome” is the perfect way to describe life as a mom and such an uplifting reminder. It truly touched my heart and has helped changed my perspective of myself as a mother.
Kathryn, someone reposted this on facebook and even though I haven’t followed your blog for a long time, I had to read it because I know you! (BYU library. Do you remember me?) And I even thought of you today because I got a puppy and we were trying to come up with a name and I thought of “Ruby” and I thought of you. Anyway, I think your bucket is pretty much overflowing with awesome. Thanks for being so honest and uplifting. I’m so glad our lives paths crossed–I am a better person for it.