This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
Thank you. Thank you so much for this. I have been worrying and fretting and struggling (with a good bout of post-partum thrown in) to find my way back to the person who was kinder to myself, and who trusted the Lord more. This was what I needed to hear to see that person in the mirror today. I have never read your blog before and never comment on blogs, but this was too perfect for me to ignore.
Thank you so very much for sharing this with any and all of us. I know I really need to internalize that lesson. Thanks.
This blog post deserves 1,000,000 drops of Awesome! Thank you for writing it.
WOW! I really needed to read this today. Lately, I have really been hard on myself and everything that you said is what goes through my head every single day. I frequently “single-mom” it while my husband works 80+ hours a week as a resident family doctor. I am a mother of three beautiful, mischevious, time demanding children. My oldest is 7 years old and he is my only son, so I can totally relate to you in the mornings trying to get him to school on time, and me presentable, while I take care of my 3 year old and 1 year old daughters. Life is hectic in the mornings. Thank you for helping me realize that I am an Awesome Mother, and more importantly that the small things I do will in the end be big deals to those around me. You deserve a drop of Awesomeness for writing this! 🙂
This is a beautiful thought, and also beautifully written….I would give you many drops, for having taken the time to share it with us. It IS hard and demanding to raise children with non-stop jobs and chores….did I say non-stop? It can be overwhelming, and I would say fairly thankless, the picking up and cleaning etc. So it does take a rather monumental right attitude to do it….with love and joy. I believe that you have hit on it. And take it from me, a mother whose children are big now; there comes a day when the relentless work subsides, and ironically you will miss having these amazing little people to share such a big life with. So if you CAN find the way to truly enjoy the ride….you are finding the secret of life. With much love, Tina PS Moms that are having fun….are such a delight to be around for everybody. 🙂
I don’t know you…but what a lovely post. So uplifting and just what I needed to hear. Thank you for writing it! I think you get about a million drops of awesome for it :)!
I’m pretty sure you wrote this post to help the Lord answer my prayers. Wow did I need this! I mean, really really needed this! Thank you so much for your perspective!! (I came here from facebook) Thank you for being an instrument in the Lord’s hands. Can I add a big fat drop of awesome to your bucket? 😉
You have made my day and changed my life in one post. I love you for this 🙂
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My sister encouraged me last night to read this. What a wonderful way to start my early morning. Thank you. I know I will read this post again and again and again. “Drops of Awesome” it is – for the rest of my life.
I have come to realize in the past few weeks that today is the only thing we can change…..not tomorrow, and certainly not yesterday. But if we celebrate our victories, no matter how small they may seem, soon enough we will have 365 today’s that are worth celebrating. Thank you for sharing your insight…..drop by drop.
I had a YW leader tell me once, that in the moments you feel less than, remember one thing:
You are a daughter of a kind, loving and all knowing God…..that is so big, that really, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.
Thank you for taking the time to write this beautiful post. I am way too hard on myself and often have unrealistic expectations and often get overwhelmed because i fall short. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
He is 12 and in grade 2? Not awesome.
Thank you. I agree that this was inspired, and I thank you for sharing it. It contains truth and it gives hope. I was recently listening to a talk by Sister Julie Beck where she explained that each week as we take the sacrament, we can take off the old me and put on a brand new me. This reminded me of that.
For myself, I am going to refer to these as drops of divinity rather than drops of awesome. It will help me to remember who I am, a daughter of God. We truly are divine and when we do the right thing, make good choices, we are being who we really are and becoming who we are meant to be. Thank you again for a wonderful post.
Thank you.
Thank you for a very inspired and inspiring post. May I have permission to present this in Relief Society? I am RS President and our sisters need to hear this. It is awesome.
Please use it any way you can. Sometime soon I’ll post a follow up with more of the scriptures and general authority quotes I used in the actual lesson. 🙂
Thank you. Satan is always trying to make us too hard on ourselves and miss out on joy from the simple moments. I might have to read this every day 🙂
This is amazing! And drops of awesome will be my new years resolution.
You truly were inspired to write this. We tend to tear ourselves down because of outside influences and the pressures of trying to be the best at everything. Fit and healthy mum, scholarly mum, spiritual mum, interior decorator mum and so on. I loved the part where your class seemed concerned about the bowl being filled to the brim with “drops of awesome” and their answer came with the larger ‘atonement’ bowl. It brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for writing these thoughts down and sharing it.
Thank you for your wonderful example, Kathryn! I hope that it helps others who need it.
I had some troubles of my own to overcome. I used to have a lot of trouble with obsessive negative thinking. I’d obsessively dwell on all of my weaknesses and failures and negative possibilities and such, whether real or suspected or imagined, and refuse to think about my strengths and successes and positive possibilities and such. Such bad mental habits helped me to nurture severe crippling self-doubts, as well as overwhelming fears, brought me great anxiety and depression, rendered me overly deferential with not-necessarily-justified feelings of inferiority and inadequacy and such, generally encouraged a severely-warped negative perception of myself (and others), and badly influenced so many aspects of my life, whether spiritually or socially or academically or financially or whatnot. I finally recognized with sufficient clarity about a decade ago both what I was doing and how it was affecting me, and then began to work diligently daily to overcome it, as well as to develop a more balanced realistic perspective in its place, both of myself and of others. With effort, I quit dwelling upon all that was wrong with myself far beyond what was helpful, I more readily acknowledged what was right with me, and I became more willing to see that others had faults, as well. And, as I did so, I felt greater peace, and slowly began to be more successful in various aspects of my life in which I’d struggled terribly for years. It helped me to recognize that I’d never dare treat others as badly as I had been treating myself, and to strive to treat myself as well as I normally tended to treat others, instead, being more forgiving and encouraging rather than terribly harsh and demanding. I think that this is part of learning to love/serve our neighbors as ourselves.
Good for you Dave! As I’m sure you’ve read in the comments here and on my blog, you are certainly not alone with the depression and other feelings you’ve had. The struggles are worth it in the end but we just need to be as kind to ourselves as we are to others. I think you’re very wise.
I love this post and will share it. If we can always remember this concept, we’ll be more able to add those “drops of awesome” that we all want to add. I don’t know you, but I know you’re awesome. 🙂
Well said…and what more people need to hear…EVERYDAY…to remind us that there is always a reason to keep going. Thank you for your amazing insight!!
Thanks so much for taking the time to write this down! I’m a new mom with a 2 1/2 month old and I often find myself feeling like I should be doing more or being overwhelmed at how much more I could have done in a day. I will definitely try to change my thinking 🙂 Thanks a million!!
I needed this! Beautifully written! thank you for your inspiration and “drops of awesome”!
Bravo!!! Thank you!
THANKS! I hope you don’t mind that we will be sharing this with our Relief Society soon? It’s just too AWESOME, not to. 😉
Feel free to share away. I’m so glad so many people can relate to this.
Wow. You have no idea how badly I needed to read this. Thank you.
thank you.
LOVE! Love this post so much. And it was so timely, too – having a bit of a rough morning, and not sure what to do about it. 🙂 I loved the lesson you shared with the YW. I loved visualizing it. I love the atonement. It’s amazing! And I love the courage it gives me to keep striving and not to be brought down by what I currently am not.
Such a great and timely message. I know so many people, including myself, who can totally relate to these feelings of self-deprication even though sometimes you’re just doing what you can to keep up with life and it’s demands and trying your best. I love how you validate us here 😉 thanks for sharing your persective!
This was just what I have been needing to hear! I am a single mother of a 5 year old daughter and I am often beating myself up because of things I am not able to do. I was literally just thinking about how I have not been able to be home to put my daughter to bed and how I work to much and am not able to spend a lot of time with her. And I went on facebook and saw my sister status and it said to read this. After doing so I see that I am a great mom! I have tears in my eyes as I write this because I know tonight my daughter will have a warm bed to sleep in, clothes on her back and will be full. Thank you so so so much for this!
Thank you!
This has been in my feed on fb for a few days and just got a chance to read it! Thank you, thank you!! I needed this today.
Thanks
Krista
Your drops of awesome are filling your lamp….you will be ready for the bridegroom!!!!
I actually brought a lamp the day of the lesson to build on the analogy but never got a chance to use it. Great imagery!
I have been struggling with my health for a while now and I am barely able to even get my kids off to school in the morning. Everything that I have not been able to do is starting to feel very overwhelming and it can get very discouraging. What a blessing to now be able to recognize each small accomplishment and focus on the good. THANK YOU!
Ia friend sent me a link to this post. I’m sorry to day that I’ve never read your blog before. I have to say that I really loved your post. It would be easy to just click out and say I’m going to remember this. But I want to stop and tell you thank you for your perspective. I NEED to remember this. And share it. As a seminary teacher I may just borrow your idea with my class on our next lesson on the Atonement. Thanks so much for posting this.
Borrow away!
Being happy with ourselves and finding the good in all is definitely one of the keys to happiness. Life is so much better when WE choose to see the good. And there is so much good. And to Natalie and others who posted about being new moms and feeling like they aren’t doing enough….I have a friend that recently became a father. He came home one day and is wife was feeling down and said she felt like she did nothing. He replied to her concern, “Is the baby alive? Then you have done something.” I loved this. It is so true. Giving life, and nurturing our children is by far the most important thing we can do. To all the parents in the world who never feel enough… God has blessed you with the most sacred of gifts…His children. You are enough. Turn to Him. He can help you know you are enough. I’m grateful for all the parents in the world who, in their own way, do their best to love their children. That makes this world a better place. You are ALL awesome.
Lisa, her child is in second grade, not twelve years old. She is speaking of how few more times her growing boy would reach out and grab her hand. We don’t see 12-year-old boys doing that. One day it ends. All the more reason to feel joy in the present moment and cherish these wonderful memories.
Love This!!!!!! I can be a better person one drop at a time!
Oh WOW! You were truly was inspired. I have also been thinking very negative thoughts about how far I fall short in so many things. I cried reading this. I love the part about the object lesson with the pitcher (atonement) so generously making up for the rest of the needed drops. Thank you, thank you, oh thank you. Hope it’s okay if I share.
Thank you! This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Like you, I often beat myself up for what I didn’t get done during the day, ignoring what tasks I did accomplish. “Drops of Awesome” will stick with me for the rest of my life. And what a fantastic object lesson for your young women! They are truly blessed to have a teacher who cares.
Thank you for giving me a better out look on life it it couldn’t have come at a better time.
And when you catch yourself adding a drop of awesome you can tell yourself, “I’m being positive! Drop of awesome!” exponentially awesome 🙂
And say a little prayer of gratitude to thank Heavenly Father for helping you to be awesome in that moment and ask for help to continue in awesomeness.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I used to be very good at this, but it has been much harder for me as a mother. It is so true that there is so much power in thought, drop by drop.
Thank you Thank you. I really needed this today! I am a homeschool mom of 6 and I do a lot of great things. But, I often only see what I didn’t do. This is just what I need today and now I am going to do something awesome.
Wow, just wow. Tears, do they count as drops of awesome?
BTW my 13year old son still hold my hand. (makes me feel weird sometimes, but HE wants to be my little boy still)
This cheers me. And yes, if they’re the good kind of tears. Acutally, I think all tears count because it means you care and you’re feeling and with that will come the motivation to do good.
Thank you! I’m really good at beating myself up about my almost always cluttered house, whenever I loose it and yell at my kids (and discount the times where we have fun, and laugh) and a million other things. So.. I needed this. Thanks for sharing.
I’ve sent this to my teenage girls and summarized it with my 15 year old son. We’ve been saying “DROP OF AWESOME!” to each other all day. In fact, we are going to abbreviate it to DOA to make it easier for texting.
I REALLY needed to hear this message today. I have read it 3 times now, and each time it just touches my heart. When I read the part about the object lesson and the atonement, it literally took my breath away and I was in tears. You were very inspired to write this. God bless you for touching and helping so many!
This made me cry. In a good way. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this amazing perspective. I needed to read this today.
thank you for sharing
Thank you so much. There’s a reason why women need this so much right now. It’s a time of great improvement and women power, but that’s when Satan strikes hardest. This is inspired. Let’s put on our superwoman suits and beat him down, alright?
I’m so with you on that!
Thank you for posting this! I really needed to hear what you had to say and now drops of awesomeness will be something I think about daily. Such a blessing to not feel alone in the daily challenges of trying to live and be better and still love ourselves!