This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
Thank you!
Thank you for your post!… awesome words to live by…. we are harder on ourselves than any one else would be…. we need to step back and find that awesomeness in ourselves… and keep finding it on a daily basis!
L.o.v.e. You!!!
Mary Ann Johnson (majcoach@gmail.com) is someone you would enjoy. She helps homeschool Moms mentor their children. She also helps people with positive thought. She loves the Lord and knows He guides her work. We both share your knowledge of the divinity of Christ.
Thank you for your words and your work. You are awesome!!!
Warmly,
Betty
What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing this. It also reminded me of the scripture in Helaman where the Lord told Nephi “Blessed are thou for the things thou hast DONE” as opposed to pointing out the mistakes he’s made or things he hadn’t done.
I love how the Spirit can take such a small thought and lead us to such great, powerful, and amazingly simple truths. In the five minutes or so it took me to read this, my perspective has been realigned and my life changed a bit for the better. Thank you so much for sharing this.
I love, love, love this post. What a great way to think about building up instead of tearing down. The atonement is real. This post earned you a great big drop of awesome for inspiring so many other women!
Wow! I really needed this today. Thank you so much- from a mom who struggles with being awesome too.
I woke up this morning to this post in my inbox from my sister. What a great way to get me up and moving. This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you. Beautiful words.
You are AWESOME!!
Thank you for this wonderful post. My husband is the president of a YSA branch and I am always needing new talk/lesson idea. This was a thought provoking post and one I needed to hear!
I just stumbled onto your blog from some links on Facebook. This made me cry! I’m LDS too and I totally want to use that lesson in Primary! This is exactly what I needed to hear as I start out my year writing resolutions that I fear I’m just going to fail. I just need to better myself one drop of awesome at a time! 🙂 Thank you!!
I LOVE this post. I know, it’s been said before … but this was just what I need to hear today and during this time of resolutions. I’ve always loved that scripture … but have never seen it this way before … THANKS A MILLION. Is it ok, if I repost this on my blog for my friends to be inspired too?
This post is fantastic. Thank you for writing something that I can use in my life to be more positive. Since I never, ever feel like I am ‘enough’, this concept very well may have a profound impact on my perspective. It may allow me to remove that which prohibited me to just.be.happy. Thank you so much.
jmonson73@gmail.comanalogies! This was an amazing and insightful one that needs !to be heard by EVERYONE! I hope u don’t mind my borrowing it for a lesson some day 🙂
You can’t even imagine how this post reflects me to a T! What an amazing reminder and inspiration. I will take my drops of Awesome!! Do your best and forget the rest!! Thank you this post. It brought tears to my eyes and I could instantly feel the Spirit as it told me what I was reading is true. I will do my best every day and learn from the last. What a wonderful thing. Thanks!
Thank you. What an inspiring post!
Loved this message! Would it be alright with you if I shared some (ok, most) of it for my next RS lesson?
This is exactly what I needed to hear, and also what I will be thrilled to share. Too often I’ve heard my friends and relatives say, “I’m not a good enough ________”. My husband just the other night voiced his concern to me that he wasn’t a good enough father. He wasn’t sure the kids knew that he loved them, and he wondered how to change that. I told him it was as simple as giving them hugs, saying “I love you”, and spending some time with them doing something fun.
And now I know what else to call those things: Drops of Awesome.
Thank you!
That was a beautiful post and great reminder that as Christians we are filled to overflowing with God’s grace and mercy and we should extend that to our children and to start collecting the drops of awesome! Thank you very much for sharing!
Thanks so much for sharing this!!! This is something I so desperately need right now. I’ve been so good at beating myself up lately that I haven’t seen the little drops of awesome I’ve been doing nod I’ve forgotten the atonement works for everything, including my shortcomings. Thank you!!! I’m so excited to notice my drops of awesome every day!
What a beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes as I read it and feel the truth of it. I love your perspective and hope to incorporate more positive thoughts and JOY into my own life, as well as my family. Thank you so much for sharing your insight.
Now I’m off to be awesome!
Thank you. I have never met you but my life has been touched by you. I will go forth and be awesome!
A friend posted a link to this on Facebook. I don’t usually click on links on FB, but I am so glad that I did this time! I love this! Thank you so much for sharing! It was exactly what I needed today.
Thank you so much!!! When I was reading this, I couldn’t help but tear up…I struggle daily with criticizing myself for everything I DON’T do as a mom. Thank you for making me look at being a mom differently!! I love how Heavenly Father had you wait to share this…You are “awesome” and thanks again for sharing this 🙂
Bless your sweet heart, I needed these words today.
I love this post. I always relate it to a cell phone. If you drop your phone do you grab it and smash it to smithereens? No, you pick it back up and dust it off and keep using it, maybe being a little more mindful of it. The same goes for anything you set out to do. Just because you have one day where you didn’t eat healthy means that you throw your diet out the window and eat a whole pizza by yourself. You pick up where you left off and try to be more careful. Or, if you have a goal to read your scriptures every day and you miss a day doesn’t mean that you just say, “oh, well, maybe next year I’ll try again.” You just pick up where you left off, and keep at it.
I love your lesson idea. The atonement does so much more than allow us to be forgiven of our sins, but it can be a strength and bolster to us when we need it to.
thanks
thank-you
May I use this for a Relief Society Lesson?
Lovely!! Many Thanks!! ;->
Beautiful, inspired and just what I needed – what my dear brother needs right now and what we all need – every single day of our lives. The adversary is so quick to encourage us to put ourselves down. We are literal daughters and sons of God – which in and of itselfs makes us awesome!!!! I totally love this and think you have just put more of those drops of awesomeness in your bucket for being in tune with the spirit and for sharing it with all of us who so need this reminder. Thank you!!!!! a million times over! You don’t know what you have done for all of us reading this.
thank you thank you thank you! for this article. I was very touched. I forward it on to some special people who needed this message as well. I loved the object lesson idea. I will be using it for Family Home Evening. This negative thought cycle ends with me. My daughters will learn to look at themselves positively! You are an amazing person!
Thank you for sharing this! I’ve been receiving treatment for post traumatic stress disorder from having cancer of the lymph nodes when I was pregnant with my second child. It seemed no matter what I did, I was afraid. The best thing my counselor taught me was to be ‘in the now’ and this post of yours took it a step further, so thank you. My fiend shared your post on Facebook. I’m excited to keep reading your blog posts. I’m a return missionary, I married my sweetheart in the temple, I survived cancer, and I want to keep celebrating all the blessings the gospel brings to me. Thanks again!
thank you
I needed this. It made my joy overflow!! Thanks
This made me cry. Thanks for lifting me up. I’m going to share this with all the women in my life who I love.
I am a grandmother 15 times over and old enough to be most of your mothers. I thought it might benefit some of you to know that even at my age, I still struggle with self worth and that I loved the positive effects of your “drops of awsome” idea.
I have 4 grown and married children who have children of their own, hence the 15 wonderful grand children My husband and I have been raising my 17 year old neice for the last 10 years. She is now my daughter, through adoption. We love her more than she can understand, but every day is a battle. Each day I feel a little more beaten down, because of what I say to myself. My wonderful daughter in law forwarded this to me. I plan to share it with my teenager. I hope it will help us to begin to see our selves as we should. Thank you for sharing this wonderful idea.
I find this post through Facebook today! Just what I needed! As a mother, it has been nearly impossible not to beat myself up daily for what I “don’t” do. I am going to start chanting “Drop of Awesome!” all day long! Also, thank you for representing the faith of the Mormon church so beautifully!
Thank you for sharing. I would also like to ask if I may use this in a Relief Society lesson?
Wow! loved your post, (my daughter shared it on FB, and I’m going to too). You were inspired to share this – for so many of us who really needed to read this today!
Thank you for this post and the time you spent sharing with me. I have struggled all of my life with depression and low self esteem. I know that the atonement is there for me and I have learned and heard at church (LDS) so many thoughts on this topic but this touch me in a way that nothing ever has. I have cried and cried as the spirit has told me that this is true and applies to me. I am going to print this and put it on the wall of my home office to remind me daily to use my droppers. I have a beautiful son who has blessed me with three wonderful children and I still never feel good enough in anything I do. As I have read, memories flooded back of things that I could use to fill my bowl and I am going to start writing these down in a journal so that when I have a down time, I can read my journal and lift myself up because God knew that I was good enough. Thank you more than I can say. You will never know how many lifes you have touch for good from this one post. May the Lord bless you continually.
Thanks, this was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.
BEST BLOG POST I’ve read iN SUCH A LONG TIME!! This was exactly what I needed to hear today. It left me crying because it hit home that much. It’s exactly what I needed. I have been feeling so overwhelmed and buried with so many responsibilities and burdens lately. I am so grateful my aunt emailed this to me to read. What an awesome message!
Thank you so very much for sharing these uplifting words!!! I believe that the spirit teaches and touches others in many different ways. I am grateful to have had the opportunity to see this post because it will certainly be something I carry with me for the rest of my life!
Thank you for a great and timely article. For years I felt inadequate–until I finally let it go. But, if I may, I want to share this with family and friends who need it in their lives. Thank you.
Thank you.
Just wanted to say thank you. This post, in and of itself, is a whole dropper-full of awesome. Thank you for sharing. I loved it. (And I loved your object lesson idea. So beautiful.)
I really needed this today. Thank you thank you thank you. So inspired and so beautiful.
I was already shedding tears about what a crap mom I’ve been when I got on Facebook and had this link from my mom. Exactly what I needed to hear! Thank you so much for sharing!
Thank You!!! I have been needing to hear this for a long time :’)