This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
Kathryn, you may have written that with women in mind, but truth is not gender specific. Thank you.
Of course, as a woman, I wrote this from a woman’s perspective but I had really hoped that men would identify with it too. Thank you for validating that.
Wow. Just WOW! So beautiful & inspiring. I’d JUST cried with frustration each day for a few days about what I WASN’T good at, couldn’t do, etc. This is going to be my mantra & I’m going to BE those things one drop at a time!!
Thank you for this. Sometimes we are so concerned with what we aren’t doing that we fail to see what we ARE doing. I would go a step farther and say we need to instill this in our children. Let them know the drops of awesome they are adding to their bucket. We take the time to tell them what they are doing wrong. We should spend MORE time telling them what they are doing right.
Beautiful! I can’t wait to apply this in my life and share with those I love. Thanks!
Well said! I also love that verse in Alma. You’ve captured the essence of a similar sentiment found in Doctrine and Covenants 64:33- “Be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.” I’m sure you’re already familiar with this scripture, but from now on, I’m going to remember that I’m laying that foundation, One Drop of Awesome at a time. 🙂 Thanks!
As others said, it is neither gender or age specific. Each of us has our own struggle with, “Am I enough?”. Taking out the negative and the ‘robing yourself of joy’ is the key. Joy is a gift, devaluing it, even in a moment is a reflection on the giver of all things. Thank you. Beautifully shared, eloquently candid.
This is written and felt beautifully. What a great truth you have shared. I have learned that when we have negative voices in our heads telling us “we are crap” that is that rascal Satan. The Holy Ghost will NEVER whisper negative things to us especially pretending to be us. Satan’s messages are always given in first person, like we are speaking and the The Holy Ghost represents Christ or our Father who speaks to us personally. I have dealt with depression for many years and when I discovered this truth it has made all the difference. If it’s negative or “puffing me up” and it feels like I am speaking: it is from Satan. If it is counsel or praise but not in my voice, it is from The Holy Ghost. Not sure if this makes sense to be read but it is very powerful put into practice.
Thank you for this wonderful article, I have been coming to this conclusion myself recently, I have been told to give myself credit, but have been very critical on myself, now I am turning it around to be more positive and give myself credit for what I am able to do and letting go of what I cannot do, I ask the Lord to help me accomplish this and sometimes I am not able to, he says no not now, rest and be at peace, it is not necessary to do everything, there is time, do not run faster than you can. The important this like a hug will be remembered, we take our love with us not a dirty dish. I feel the love of the Lord and the Love of my deceased husband because I feel them near me.
Love your blog. I plan to glean the phrase “drops of awesome” in our home. It is so positive. Thank you!
This is a great “sermon” that could be used in any situation. In a Keynote Address for a motivation speech, a church group etc. it can also be used by many in everyday life, or for a psychology class etc. simply well, AWESOME!
Ohhhh, I needed that. Thank you. 🙂
It’s taken me a lifetime to begin to learn this oh-so-very-important truth.
Miss you, as ever!
Betsy
Thank you for sharing, I needed to hear this.
Thank you for this well-thought and Christlike message and testimony. I needed to read this, I want to internalize this, and I will share this simple and true message. Thank you, add another drop in your bucket because your post stopped my tears and started a smile.
Thank you so much for this perspective. I can’t tell you how much I needed to read this article this week. I’ve been feeling so subpar and that I may never measure up to the kind of person I wish I was and the kind of mom I want to be for my kids. I so appreciate this uplifting way to think about things and to celebrate the small victories. Thanks for sharing!
WOW! Thank you for sharing this! Completely beautiful! I will use this for my sisters, for my YW (I’m a YW pres.)and for myself! Yes, trying to feel the joy now, as the last almost 4 years we’ve been trying to adopt and have lost one son to an unexpected surgery that he didn’t survive. We have found an amazing birth mom, and feel so blessed with joy and excitement as we anticipate a baby in our home soon. Life happens and we can feel joy NOW! You are awesome!
Thank you for this amazing post. I needed to hear this truth and to cheer myself on for each drop of awesome. I appreciate your insight and know I will spend my days chanting “Drop of Awesome!” in my head now.
Katie! It’s Julie from the library! What a wonderful post — thanks for the great thought about drops of awesome! I am going to share it. Still miss our days in the good ol Media department at OPL! Happy Christmas!
Thank you for this uplifting post. There are lots of negative and sad events in our world, but with minglinging in positive thoughts and actions we can make it better for someone. As I am getting older I find people being more helpful and thoughtful. It helps so much. Your beautiful thoughts will help me to be more thankful and aware of what I can do for others.
I HAVE to tell you: I came across this when my sister shared it with me, and I needed it it so desperately. I have had other people tell me similar things, but the way you framed this wonderful sentiment makes it so relatable (my spellcheck doesn’t believe me that this is a real word), memorable, and *awesome*. I am a wife of a disabled vet and a mother of 4, and there are days where I want to give myself a high-five for taking a shower, loading the dishwasher, putting on a bra, etc. and then I have that nagging “so what, want a medal?” voice in the back of my mind… This is the voice I want in my head instead- thank you for giving me something to chant. I’m looking forward to reading through the rest of your awesomeness!
It wouldn’t let me reply to Emily up above, but I think her comment is AWESOME with the scripture reference!
Wauw this is a very touching and pure post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, you inspire me to look for and embrace all the goodness that is already inside me instead of putting myself down all the time. Though I am not a mother (yet) or a Christian, I think we can all use a little more positivity in our lives. Thank you for reminding me that its okay to admit to our faults as long as we celebrate our gains (and that even the tiniest victory counts!).
I loved this! As a homeschooling mom who struggles with chronic fatigue, I can definitely beat myself up for not measuring up. On my best days I remember to count up the “drops of awesome”, although I get overwhelmed and forget, so thanks for the reminder. Yesterday I had some energy and made a great brunch and dinner, and I did ALL the dishes. For me, that’s a lot of “drops” in my bucket! 🙂
Just wanted to let you know that I LOVED this post and used it as the basis of my RS lesson today! It brought many sisters to tears! Straight to the core! Wonderful post!
So well said. Thank you!
So completely awesome and so what I needed. Today, for the first day in my life, I blew off my clients, turned off my phone and crawled back into bed because I simply could not face another day of mediocrity and failure. Someone on FB posted the link to this blog post, and thanks to technology, it reached me in my little, protective, snuggly bed. I only clicked the link because I figured it would be some sappy post that someone who knew nothing about a long, hard life had posted and I could justify that it was blah and pull my blankets closer. And then I read the post and found out it was awesome, made me feel awesome, and helped me see that I was awesome. Loved it. Needed it. Grateful for it!
Thank you for describing my life exactly at the beginning. I really needed this boost right now being 8 months pregnant with 5 kids and a messy house…don’t even look in the kitchen! It’s so easy to forget that the atonement is for every day, not just for when we mess up, it can make us better!
Thank you for sharing this!!! I hope you won’t mind that I use this to teach my RS lesson with. I am not a mother but I can certainly understand the feeling shared in your post. I think we all do and I agree that this crosses the gender lines.
THAT. IS. TOTALLY. TOTALLY. AWESOME!!
So glad for your inspiration AND for sharing it!
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I am giving a talk in church tomorrow… well, technically today, since it’s past midnight and I just finished my Sharing Time lesson (Drops of AWESOME!! lol), and since it’s the Sunday before New Year’s and the whole resolution time, I think I will use some of your inspired words if that’s okay. I will give you credit!
Thank you for sharing. I so need to internalize this concept as I, too, am a thirty-something mother of three young children who I feel like I fail all the time. *sigh* Changing my perspective…
Kathryn. I have been so out of the loop reading blogs, but this. THIS. Is a masterpiece. So raw and beautiful. Thank you for making yourself vulnerable to write this
Wow! I needed this! This is so inspiring. Thank you! Sometimes we need a different perspective for the way we look at ourself to help us move on and understand that our Father in Heaven loves us. I would like to try this with my son.
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I really needed to be reminded of this. Those nasty little voices in our heads that tell us we are no good, have to be quieted. Thank you for the beautifully written reminder.
Thank you! I’m going to quote you in Gospel Principles class today. 🙂
Thank you for your inspired words. I am in the business of quotes, so naturally your words reminded me of this one:
“Act well at the moment, and you have performed a good action to all eternity.” –Johann Kaspar Lavater
This is beautiful!!! And will be used daily!!! I am usually doing the negative thinking and this is just a wonderful way to look at situations!!! Thank you!!!
This is a 1,000 drops of awesome post! Thanks 🙂
Thank you! So needed to read this.
This is pure inspiration. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us–they resonate with so many!
Well I’m just so glad I read it.. It is funny that I had just woke up open up my Facebook and it was the first thing that caught my attention! Thank you so much for this inspirational words.. I’m ready to fill my bucket of awesome on this new year!
Tears. Beautiful, thank you!
So grateful that I was sent this link by my friend! Thank you so much for sharing this amazing perspective! Tender Mercy no doubt!
Just what I needed to hear….
Thank you so much for writing this. It really touched my heart. And I”m already quietly shouting, “That’s Awesomeness there!”
Thanks.
Wow. This is something I really needed to read today, because I’m a champion beat-myself-over-the-head-because-I’m-not-perfect-right-this-second girl. I’m SO good at finding reasons that I fail, when I should be looking for reasons that I succeed. I REALLY needed this. I’m going to change my attitude and become a ‘Drops of Awesome’ person. I’m also going to share this with my Young Women. They need to hear it too. I LOVE your object lesson. With your permission, I would love to use it in a Sunday lesson.
Thank you for sharing this. This is my first visit to your blog, but I will most definitely be back.
Sorry to be so slow getting back to you. You’re welcome to use any of this in any lesson you give.
You are awesome and I luv this! Thanks for sharing your wisdom and making it look, feel, and be easier to love myself! Bam! I’m awesome!! ❤
Drops of Awesome. Sounds like the perfect book title to me!
Thank you a million times over. That is one of my favorite scriptures, by the way; thank you for adding a whole new dimension to it. There are so many days I feel like the biggest failure on earth. Thank you for giving me something to remember when those days come. I am also a leader of Young Women, and I appreciate such a powerful object lesson to keep in my “pocket”, so to speak. Thank you again!!