This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
Thank you!! A member of our Stake Presidency shared this at Stake Conference, thank you for writing it so that our’s can NOW have “Drops of Awesome” in our life’s too.
I found the link to your blog on my cousin’s facebook page and I am so glad I clicked on it. Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful profound thoughts! I find that I often tell myself those little lies, and this is a great reminder that they truly are lies. Life is so much better when we dwell on the good things. How wonderful it is that we have a Savior who can fill up our buckets! I love this and I hope you don’t mind if I re-post this on facebook for all my friends and family to read. Thanks again!
Fantastic post. I’m going to have all my depressed moms read this as part of their treatment.
Awesome! Wish I had had this when I taught my lesson yesterday!
This post is a whole lot of AWESOME!!!! A friend of mine had shared it on facebook and said, “Please read, it’s worth it!!!!”. She was right. I’m so glad I took the time to read this…what a great way to start my day. Thank you so much for sharing, I needed it! Hope you have lots of drops of awesome in your day!
THANK YOU. What a beautiful lesson you just taught me. I’m grateful for people like YOU who take the time to share your personal story.
Thank you. I hope you don’t mind that I printed this off and put it in my journal.
This has changed me.
This is an awesome post! We would love to post it on our website to encourage mothers. Please let us know if we can re-post and how we should list the credit/source. Thanks!
I’m so glad it resonated with you! Thanks for letting me know. You are welcome to link back but please do not repost. Thanks!
Hello,
My friend just shared this with me and I want to say thank you! I struggle so much with beating myself up.. (as I think lots of women do). I am a convert to the church too so I always feel I am not like the other “Mormon” moms. This post really helped me to notice the good things I do.. Thanks so much! Lots of love.
Gina
Thank you sooo much. I wonder if you peeked into my heart and saw my exact thoughts. 🙂
I saw a share of your blog on a friend’s fb page this morning. I loved it. I wept for the bad lies we tell ourselves. I wept for the conquering thoughts you shared. I have experienced this very thing in the last year but I didn’t have a name for it, so I am adopting yours. I have posted a link to your blog on my fb page to share your amazing insights with my friends as well. God Bless you for taking the time to post this and share your experience and your insight. I love Drops of Awesomeness!!!
This really lifted me at a very trying time in my life. Thanks daughter for passing it on.
Thanks for posting this Mirrah, you created a beautiful start to my day. Love,Aunt Linda
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That was truly inspired. Thank you for helping me see my truest potential. I needed that.
I share this with everybody I know! 🙂 It’s wonderful thank you so much. I remind myself of this every time I’m getting down on myself, and it really makes all the difference.
Thank you!!!
Thank you so much! This is a beautiful post and it had me in tears. Thanks for sharing such a spiritually eye opening experience!
Thank you so much! I had to stop to dry my tears as I was so overcome with the spirit while reading. Continue adding drops.
You truly are Awesome! Awesome for recognizing the stinkin’ thinkin’ and turning it around, awesome for allowing that experience to change you, awesome for teaching the young women you influence how to apply this lesson to their own lives, and awesome for being courageous enough to share this transformation with the rest of us out here in the digital world! I applaud and acknowledge your beauty, your honesty, your humility, and your graceful way with words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!
Ps. Good luck with that novel you are working on. I’ll look forward to reading it!
I have always believed that when we need uplifting and alone, Heavenly Father always knows who to send to help us. Thank you for sharing your personal feelings that have helped me and I am sure so many others.
Thank you so much for your perspective on living life in the moment and the power of the Atonement. Is it possible to copy Drops of Awesome? I wouldn’t want to without your permission.
You are welcome to copy it for your personal use or to hand out to friends. Just please add my name and the URL so you remember where you found it. Also, please do not copy the entire post onto another website. Thanks! I’m so glad it meant something to you.
I know everyone has said all the good stuff already about how amazing your insight is, and how much you rock, and how “Drop of Awesomeness” is a hair’s breadth short of modern day revelation. Nothing I say will be novel or soul changing. But if I didn’t tell you that I’ve reposted to my most favorite people on the planet and plan to print it for our YW leaders, then I would not be sharing the gratitude I feel for those words that needed to be written to encourage, to heal and to strengthen us–one drop at a time.
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I have lost my soul mate and loving mother in the past 4 months. I feel lost and incompetent most days. This has helped me to be reminded of all the little things that I do to bring good into my world for myself and others. My all of nothing thought process has an opportunity to become more focused on drops of awesomeness.
Thank you
Thank you for sharing this. I really needed to hear those things. I think so many of us put ourselves down for not being the perfect “mormon mom, wife, sister, ect” We forget about the good things we have done. Even if it’s not as many good things as we would like them to be. I think that’s how so many mormon women become depressed. There is so much expectation that most of us can’t live up to. Thank you again, you have given me a better perspective. May God bless you and your family.
Give yourself 20 drops of awesome for writing this post. Well done! Well said! Makes me want to be a better person and to know that I CAN be a better person. Rock on
Wow. Just…wow. I am sharing this with everyone I know. Thank you.
Thanks for uplifting me today! I love the part about our capacity increasing as we keep striving–that is something I have been thinking about lately.
Thank you for this.
YOU are awesome.
And you know what? I’m awesome too!
Oh you are awesome! This post was a big splash of AWESOME
WOW. Came to this post from 71toes.com and I am beyond grateful I read this tonight. What amazing insights and inspiration you received. That is a very special gift. You wrote your thoughts so beautifully and I was so touched as I read them. Thank you so much for sharing it with the world. I will be sending many friends and family to your blog to read this amazing post. Thank you again. Happy Monday!
Thank you so much for this post! I read it a few weeks ago and it has helped me and my family so much in our lives! The change of attitude this has created in me inspired me to write my own blog post on self acceptance: http://mapletreesandhoneybees.blogspot.com/2013/02/self-acceptance.html
Thank you for listening to the spirit and being such an inspiration for all of us!
Sincerely,
Ellie Elise
Hi
Just visiting from over at 71toes. What a great post this is. A great way to turn around those “negative mom” voices we all hear in our heads. I’m not familiar with the book of Mormon but I love that scripture quote too. “By small and simple things are great things brought to pass”. Indeed.
xMx
Thank you, I needed to hear everything you wrote! f
Sorry about the letter f it didn’t mean anything bad it was an accident.
THIS IS AWESOME!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Will be printing to keep above my computer!!!
This was a wonderful post. Thanks so much for your help in putting this concept into perspective for me. I, like you, tend to be a bit too harsh on myself. This is deffinetly the shot in the arm I needed today! You were truly inspired to have posted this!
Thank you so much. I am a mother of 5 with twins and 3 teenagers, and I am drowning. I needed this today more than you will ever know.
Thanks for the encouragement, the lift, the feelings and insight. We all forget who we are and what we can do. Never give up. Great article. Thanks………………………………..
Thank you. Just thank your for writing this.
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This blog entry touched my heart. I read it late at night, and shared it on my Ward’s Facebook page. When I woke the next morning, I felt prompted to share your blog with the sisters in my word via a visual reminder. The visual reminder was a small bucket with a sticker that said “Drops of Awesome” along with the URL to this post. Sunday was fast Sunday, and I had these little buckets ready (all 50 of them!). I know that I was meant to do this because I had the same feeling as a lot of people get right before getting up to bear their testimonies. My heart was racing a mile a minute, but once I went to Young Women and gave each leader their bucket, my heart was at peace. There was someone at church on Sunday that was in need of reading your blog and hearing the story behind the bucket that they had been given.
Thank you for being strong enough to share such a personal experience. Know that you have helped to put many young minds at ease!
I’m 73 and have gone through my life focusing too much on my ‘bad’ moments. I have never been depressed by them but have always been too much of a perfectionist and spent too much time trying to meet my own goals. I will now always visualize that pitcher marked “Atonement”. Thank you for reminding me of my many moments of “Awesome”.
Thanks for saying what everyone thinks for about a split nano second and we quickly push it aside and listen to Satan instead. Because why would I ever be awesome or useful or needed or loved. You said it perfectly and had the courage to say it when many of us don’t so… kudos…drop of awesome to you !! I showed this to my husband he was asked to speak on loving your self and your family. He loved this and is going to use it and give everyone the link to your site. He thought it was AWESOME 😉 thanks again. AND because of reading this I’m going to start a blog I have thought about doing when my son went on his mission but always pushed it aside thinking no one would care… well no more thinking like that. I’m gonna add my drops of awesome to life 🙂
I read this as I was lying in bed, recovering from surgery and more surgery due to complications. Feeling wimpy and worthless, and crying in self pity. But i don’t have to…I can choose to count some drops of awesome and give myself permission to recover, and take the time to do it. Thank you for this. I am generally pretty upbeat and faithful, but was beating myself up for not healing the way I had expected. What a great reminder that we are okay the way we are, and that our savior loves us and makes up the difference when we are doing our best and it isn’t quite enough. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this inspiring article. It is important to cheer ourselves on! I’m thankful for sharing your insight. I’ve given a lot of thought to these same ideas lately, but you really succeeded with the unforgettable expression, “drops of awesome!” Thanks for praying and seeking direction on how to help the rest of us 🙂
Thank you so much for this inspiring article. It is important to cheer ourselves on! I’m thankful for sharing your insight. I’ve given a lot of thought to these same ideas lately, but you really succeeded with the unforgettable expression, “drops of awesome!” Thanks for praying and seeking direction on how to help the rest of us 🙂
Thank you SO much for sharing this. You were truly inspired to open your heart. Thanks for having the courage to let us know your thoughts – your words will change many lives for the better, mine included! Lots of love, Lisa.