This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
I have been giving myself a “drop of awesome” every day now. As a woman it is so “easy” to be critical on myself, but I have come to realize, it’s easier to be kind to myself;) Thank you for this post.
Pingback: Remembering My Focus | Odyssey of a Mom Scholar
Thank you! A friend of mine posted this on Facebook and as I read it I got a little choked up! You are me! I am way too critical of myself! I don’t give myself a break….this posted opened my eyes and just how much negative personal conversation I actually do have! From this day on I am going to keep track of my drops of awesome and be great full that our savior is there to over fill my cup when I fall short!
simply awesome
Wow….I am sitting here in tears! I have felt that way so many times. Never taking the time to truly enjoy the big things because I am always beating myself up over the little things. You have given me much to think about. Thank you for posting such a beautiful inspiring message!!
Pingback: When you need a lift… | Adventures of an ADD Mom
Thank you for this. I was directed to it through Facebook, and it really impacted my family in a difficult time. It’s something we all need to remember.
http://adventuresofanaddmom.wordpress.com/2013/01/14/when-you-need-a-lift/
Pingback: Moments | thoughtsofmysoul.com
This helped me remember the following in the Apr ’08 talk from Elder Ballard (a modern-day Apostle, for those who are not familiar with the LDS faith (= ):
“Daughters of God”
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/04/daughters-of-god?lang=eng
“What can you do, as a young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?
“First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.”
Thanks so much for sharing! Here’s hoping I’ll go from “I’m a crap mom” to “Wow! The Savior’s Atonement is AMAZING and accessible right now! And I can keep getting refills from Him to share forever… wow. !” Thanks again. 🙂
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I was so touched by it that I printed it out and handed it to all the girls I work with and made them read it. I truly felt that it was something they all needed to hear. Well in doing so there has been a tremendous ripple effect, far greater than I ever imagined and I am sure you have felt the same ripple effect since sharing your story.
I am not yet a full memeber of the LDS church but I am getting very close, just have to be drowned and reborn, aka baptized. The week before having read your story our lesson with the missionaries was on the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Even after the lesson I found myself not quite grasping it’s full concept and accepting that I might never full grasp it. Drops of Awesome made it so clear and so easy to grasp, maybe not the full extent but I now have a greater understanding of the atonement than I did before. I have shared it with our missionaries and hope that it might help them along the way.
One of the gals I work with is the Stake Center Releif Society Secratary in the ward she lives in. She shared your story during there most recent meeting and are going to be using your story as a learning tool to teach the new leaders. I am not certain who these new leaders are or how else it will effect things but I am still hearing that this story is being shared.
Too often we discount the little things we do, I do it far too often. I needed this story every bit as much as all who have read it have needed it and I feel there is a world of others who need it. Please finish the book you started, it will be an amazing book I know.
I hope to share this story with many others and am grateful that my mother in law shared it with me. I sometimes think she needs to carry a pocket version of it with her always. We all do. I shall read this over and over until it is so engraved within my heart that I might not ever forget its wisdom.
Bless you for having the courage to share this. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is truly an amazing story with wisdom and heart and love to no end.
Thank you,
Sister Lefler
Katy, Thank you so much for this post!! It was JUST what I needed to hear! As a multitasking mom, I often put “drops of crap” into my bucket as I frequently fail to do everything I need to – well I ALWAYS fail to do EVERYTHING I need to. A mom’s work is NEVER done, but that doesn’t mean we’re not awesome. A friend once told me that if I didn’t stop being so awesome at everything, I’d be much more successful at being perfect. It was the perfect contradiction to show me it’s impossible to do everything perfectly and that in the process, the reason I can’t be perfect, is because I’m working so hard at doing everything I’m supposed to – leaving the less important things undone. This was such a great reminder!! Thanks for that!! I love you and miss you!!
Beautiful post! It has truly helped to change my perspective! Thank you so much for sharing it with us!
wonderful post. i think i needed to hear that all the little drops do add up and the little things i do for husband and family do matter in the long run. thank yhou for sharing such and uplifting post.
Dear Katy,
The link to your blog was on facebook. As I clicked on the link I thought oh there are so many good things on the internet but sometimes I get scooped into surfing and reading so many good things that I don’t get out and do as many good things as I should. But your blog was rewarding and worth the read.
I just wanted to say your analogy is simple and beautiful. I am very careful about object lessons because too often I remember the object lesson but not the lesson but this one hits the mark. It makes the atonement so clear and beautiful. I hope you don’t mind if I use it in a future lesson.
Thank you again,
Lena
Thanks for sharing.
LOVE this post!!!
Wow! This was a truly amazing and transformative post! YOU are awesome! Thanks for sharing this.
“Liking” seems so inadequate to express my heartfelt thanks to you for taking the time to share such a wonderful parable as your “Drops of Awesome.” Your insight reaches young mothers and young women and us older women, too, who have tendencies to give up on ourselves. I’m sure you may be buried under many tender comments (so rightly deserved) for a piece so needed and so well expressed. Please accept one more from me; I will try to not only share this with those I love but live these precepts better every day.
For every comment here, I bet there are 50-100 others who have read this amazing entry of yours and not commented. I read this a week ago, and am still trying to soak up your drops of awesomeness. Your words are changing lives. I’m seeing a snowballing effect, watching more and more friends recommend “Drops of Awesome” to others. Thank you for making a difference!
Pingback: Terrible Twos-day: Drops of Awesome « Kelpie's Korner
I just want to remind everyone of the comment policy here.
Please be kind and respectful. Any comment that attacks my sacred beliefs will be deleted.
A friend posted your article to Facebook. YOU are truly inspiring! I have been beating myself up over some issues this past week, and wondered how I could ever get over them. I think your post hit the nail on the head as I sit here bawling. THANK you… over and over again. I hope you’re okay with me using your analogy in YW as well. I LOVED it and I think the more we spread it, the better off EVERYONE will be. You truly are making this world a better place. When you do write your book, I’ll be one of the first to sign up for it! I appreciate your willingness to share your thoughts with us. You are AWESOME, and I will probably be checking back here to keep the fresh outlook of “Drops of Awesomeness.” Thanks again!
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
Love it! And yes you better belive I’m going to share this. Hope it’s OK!
As a Priesthood holder my stride was to cross vast areas of water. In my hasend attempts to move quickly I realized that I was passing too many drops of awesome. Be gentle with your journey to see each drop of awesome.
I just sat down to quickly see who had posted what. I didn’t intend to spend time reading the posts but a friend shared your post and I am so glad that she did. I needed to read it this morning. I love the idea of drops of awesome. I will share this with my family and friends. This is very well written.
Thanks so much! I feel like am always nagging my kids on doing better and hurry hurry hurry. This morning was different. I was patient! One drop of awsome for me.
Wonderful words to help in all aspects of our lives. Worth sharing at any opportunity and living every hour looking for ‘ awesome drops’. Thank you!!
Thank you for this!
This is wonderful! I didn’t read through all the comments, but if you ever have a hard day or moment, you should just look at this and see how many people you have given drops of awesome to by sharing thank you!!!
You’ve touched so many lives with your post and I just need to say “thank you.” We’re using your wisdom as a visiting teaching conference theme. (Not that the Savior is going to do the visiting teaching for you, but that EVERY thing you do is a drop of awesome in the life of the sister you serve. Those drops are not changed by what you don’t do. They remain awesome.) I’m so excited to have your positive outlook be a driving force in our ward. Again, many thanks. You’re awesome.
Pingback: I am giving my kids the silent treatment. » Sisters Who Can
Brilliant! Thank you for posting this.
Wow. Just wow. I am also a blogger and a reader had commented on a blog that I recently posted called “Best Possible You” and she suggested I read your blog. Thank you. This was exactly the point that I wanted to/tried to get across in mine. I am so glad that there is some else out there who is embracing the power of SELF and how much we can do for ourselves if we just be our own number one fans. I am also a Christian woman and its refreshing to see that you find your strength in Christ. You’ve gained yourself a new follower 🙂 Thank you so much for this!! <3
I loved this! Thank you so much. My companion even felt impressed to share it as our visiting teaching message. 🙂 It reminded me of the these verses, and the dichotomy between the adversary and the Savior: Revelation 12:10, and John 8:10-11. Whose voice are we listening to?
Thank you again so much!
thank you for posting this, this made me cry too. I am always too critical of the way I parent. I always feel like I don’t have a clue. I really needed this, thanks again.
God bless,
Jess
Your post has truly touched my heart and even more than that, my mind. My heart understands that The Lord has perfect patience with me and wants me to enjoy every “drop of awesome”. However, my mind so brutally sabotages those moments and the guilt quickly ensues. Thank you so much for following your impression to publicly share your impressions. I hope every person eventually has the chance to read this. May you continue to go forth and share your awesome! Your posts are far reaching in such a wonderful way!
I have shared and shared your link to this post!!!!
Thank you just doesn’t seem adequate enough.
Jami
I am totally going to use this lesson in March when the lesson is about “Atonement”!! Thanks for the great lesson you gave me tonight!!
Thank you for sharing! I actually read this post twice, once to myself and then my husband. The second time around brought me to tears. I know tomorrow I will be looking for my drops of awesome and not my failures. I’m truly grateful for the insights my sisters in the gospel have. Most of all for my Savior and his many drops of awesome.
Thank you
Janet
Thanks for sharing. My back went out of alignment a month ago and is just now starting to get back to normal after a month of having pain with every movement. I’m a stay-at-home mom of 3 kids. I’m homeschooling. And I’ve been feeling like a neglectful mother of three very bored children that have a very bad case of cabin fever! There have definitely been drops of awesome as I look back, but that is not what I was seeing until I read this post 🙂
Loved your perspective and will adapt a bit to fit family history work for our staff meeting next month, because we all really need to look at life the way you have. Your article was perfect. Thanks for sharing. Bunch of drops of awesomeness for you – one for each of the people that will benefit from your post.
WOW. Thank you so much! Exactly what I needed! So happy I found your blog! xoxo
My friend sent me a link to this today. I really needed to hear it because what you described is exactly what I do–tell myself I’m a failure even if I was successful for a moment. I think all my failures cancel out the good things I try to do. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This post is a big bucket of awesome:)
I LOVE this post!!
So are you going to come and give our lesson on this for our RS Birthday?
Fabulous DROP OF AWESOME!!
YOU are a drop of AWESOME. A friend directed me to your post today. Both you and my friend were truly inspired. I am teaching a New Beginning this coming Sunday. I can’t wait for these girls to know they are awesome now. It’s a lesson we could all use each and every day.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for that post. Today I have been feeling like I am the worst mother and wife on the face of the planet and that things will never get better. My sweet and patient husband forwarded the link to me with your post. He sees my “drops of awesome” and he wanted me to know that. I am starting my “jar” today. Thank you again for this post! 🙂
Thank you. I can’t explain how much I needed this.
Thanks! This was as inspiring as any ensign story I’ve read! You are amazing to share this!
I just wanted to stop by to say thank you for this post. Like so many others, I came across your post shared on facebook. I needed a reminder to focus on the good in myself. I was inspired to use your post in a talk this Sunday. Everyone loved it and I, of course, sent them back to your blog. Keep up the awesome!
Thank you for this perspective on the atonement. Your talent is in writing your feelings. As you share this with others, we are all blessed. Take a spoonful of awesome. Wanda
Thank You for sharing this inspired message. As a homemaker so many times I catch myself forgetting to count my own drops of awesome…your experience will always be a reminder to me of my little contribution to my own bucket, but also a reminder of the huge contribution that my Savior offers, “still”, to my own bucket.