This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
This is amazing, thank you! Have you thought about submitting your story to the Ensign or New Era? It would be perfect!
Thank you!
May I use this in a lesson? And, I agree with Stephanie (above). This should definitely be in the Ensign.
This is betcher-bottom-dollar good. Good thinking, good writing, good gospel. Thank you.
Hi Kathryn,
I am teaching an RS Activity Night and I would LOVE to share your post. It falls in line with our new theme for the year. Please let me know if this is alright with you.
Thanks!
Thank you for this wonderful post, I’ve been struggling a lot lately, and have had my eyes opened in ways I didn’t expect. I have had to slow down and remember who is in charge and to put my trust in Him! I’ve also learned how important it is to take care of myself, because if I am out of sorts how can I do what heavenly Father needs me to do. Your post is totally awesome, I so needed to read it and it did lift my spirits and make me smile, Thank You!!!!!! I feel a little more awesome!
Thank you so much, I cannot tell you how much I needed that!
Well said!
This does need to be in the Ensign!! I needed this so badly right now – as I’m sure many other do as well. What a beautiful message! May I share with my daughters?
This is a really beautiful post. I have a son with special needs and I could really practice enjoying my Drops of Awesome. 🙂 It is a great way to look at the world.
Thank you! Amazing and uplifting! What else can I say except Thank you?!
Wow!! That was amazing! I think so many if us need this message. Thank you for sharing it!
I know you’ve had a ton of comments on this, but I have to thank you, too! You made me cry! You described what I do to myself, and the object lesson on the Atonement . . . wow. I second (or probably more likely five-hundred-and-second) the suggestions that you submit this to the Ensign. It is AWESOME!
Beautifully written and so inspiring. Thank you.
Thank you. This message was exactly what I needed to hear right now. Drop of awesome (maybe 20 drops of awesome) to you for sharing your testimony.
I LOVE this. What an inspiring post. It Is so full of truth. Thank you so much for sharing this. Please add 1 more drop of awesome to your bucket!
I think this speaks to the heart of every mother! I know you touched on this but I think it is so true that Satan, that angel who fell because of his pride an wanting God’s glory for himself, is the father of all lies and harbors a special hatred for God’s beloved children. He knows where we are most vulnerable and speaks into those places in our hearts trying to convince we are are (and never will be) good enough. Well, the joke is one him because we never will be good enough and that’s the whole reason God himself became human and died on the cross for us, isn’t it? Jesus took our shame and weakness upon himself and set us free. We are free to serve God and others and know that it is for His glory and His glory alone. God covers us in grace. Why do we forget that and continue to heap guilt upon ourselves for feeling like bad mothers and wives for all those countless reasons you talked about? (and we all do it…No mother is alone in that, even though we feel like at times.) We’ve been given grace freely an we should extend that same grace to others and to ourselves and know that God lets go of our mistakes and so should we. We should, as you so beautifully describe, focus on the positive and allow it to inspire us to more and, ultimately to a whole change in our thinking and how we see ourselves as mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters of the Creator of the Universe. Thank you so much for sharing this post!
This was an answer to my prayers. Just another drop of awesome – Heavenly Father does hear and answer our prayers! Thank you so much for sharing, and, yes, this needs to be shared in the Ensign so more of Heavenly Father’s children can start feeling awesome! You were truly inspired.
Loved you post which I will share with my daughters. Thank you. Just wondering, is your son in second grade or seventh grade? I am thinking he is not a 12 yr old second grader?
Thank you for this I read this and was trying to build my Drops of Awesome. I have strong trials a lot, so when I started. Something really bad happened in my life to get me from thinking of my Drops of Awesome and feel I couldn’t do this. I finished reading this post and prayed and asked my Heavenly Father to help me with my Drops of Awesomeness I got a feeling of peace that my drops weren’t drying up that he was helping me and I could get threw this bad time in my life and go on.
Thank you.
Tammy
Just wanted to let you know that this was shared on my Facebook wall and I read it and loved it. My thoughts have really started to turn around and be much more positive. I can already tell a difference in my attitude and happiness level. After several days, I decided that I should come back here and say thank you. 10 drops of awesome for you!
Love the analogy. And love your thoughts. An amazing reminder to us of not only the power of the atonement, but the need to cherish each day’s victory’s and accomplishments, not our weaknesses.
Thanks!
Love this…thanks for taking the time to share. Those struggles sound oh so familiar and you made me look at it all differently. Thank you!
This touched my heart! I really needed to hear your message. Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much for stopping by, and thank you even more for your post. You obviously know how much it meant to me. I truly needed what you had to say. I will continue to ‘try to be a little better’ while happily collecting my drops of awesome along the way.
This post came to via Arizona via NY from my BFF, Em. What a delight to read it. I felt happy little butterflies dancing in my tum as I felt the beauty, truth and power (Article of Faith #13, Baby!) in your post. Keep being awesome, drop by drop. I’ll do the same. Thanks for this gift. :o)
A truly inspired post. I needed this today of all days. Every day really. I will try to remember this for a long time to come.
Thank you! This is exactly what I needed. Focus on the positive rather than the negative. And forgiving things from the past which can’t be changed. You are a blessing for writing this!
Tears of awesomeness fill my heart for your wonderful words. Thank you for helping me feel needed for all the little things that no one notices and for the big things that are
noticed.
I’m in tears. I needed this so badly today, thank you.
Your Drops of Awesome was the ending to an Old Testament class that I attend with about 12 to 15 women. It was the perfect ending! I so enjoy reading and re-reading this post! Thanks for your Drops of Awesome-ness!
Thank you again for your post. This has been huge for me and I have shared it with so many. I taught my 18 month old to say drop of awesome lol. I love how much this has influenced my life, those I have shared it with(with your name attached of course), and brought me closer to God. Thank you for sharing!!
TU eres una madre muy especial, que el senor te bendiga siempre;GRACIAS por compartirlo.
Thank YOU Kathryn. I love this. Every woman needs to read this!
Loved this post! A friend sent it to me and it is just what I needed. I hope you do not mind, but I put up a small part of this in vinyl on my wall so I would remember. Is it ok with you if I share that with my readers (who are few)?
Hello my friend! I LOVED this post. I have been seeing it everywhere….from friends all across the country sharing it. You’ve made an impact on so many people simply by sharing something you believe in and it has helped so many of us switch gears on our way of thinking. Thank you. I feel privileged to actually KNOW you, to have known you when we totally WERE awesome, in the truest sense of the word…lol!! Love ya!
What a blessing you are to my daughters and sons, myself and all those who read this. This spoke to my heart. I think this needs to be read often. Too many times we find ourselves doing all we can, headed in the right direction only to get buried with life. Reminders like your blog can help us stay mindful of just how fabulous each of us really are. Thank you, Thank you!! I have been struggling with just feeling like there is TOO much I’m doing wrong, so why try. This was exactly what I needed. I hope you’ll take everyone’s advise and submit this to one of the church magazines.
Thank you ever so much for this.
This was so wonderful! Changed my outlook!
Thank you for your human-ness and generosity in sharing your thoughts and experience with us all. These are thoughts that have really lifted me today. Thank you again.
Such a beautiful message. Thank you!!
We used this in a FHE and everyone LOVED it!! Thanks for sharing your inspiration so that it can go on to inspire so many others.
Thanks for letting me know Tracy!
Inspired and Profound. Thank – you. Several have mentioned this us Ensign worthy. I would suggest that it is the outline for a beautiful book – something along the lines of the “fill your Bucket” movement, but richer. Please consider it, it is a timely and important message and you have found a way to deliver it that has captured hearts and imaginations and has boosted our spirits. Well done.
Thanks so much Catherine! I am working on the book right now. Well, right now I’m sending you an email. But I’m going full steam to get the complete book out. I cannot believe the reaction this has stirred and I think I need to follow the inspiration through.
Thank you. This was a very timely reminder of exactly what i needed to hear. Thank you.
I saw that someone suggested the Ensign and also a book! I was hoping that this could be made into one of those Mormon Messages Videos. How cool would that be!! I guarantee that ALL women in the church feel this way at some time or another! That is why so many of us have found this message so timely and uplifting. The adversary is working overtime to bring us down and get us to focus on the negative! I have spread this all over FB as well as with my family and I am hoping to adapt it into a YW lesson soon! Thank you for being such an inspiration!
Thanks for sharing! That was very inspiring!
This is amazing and yet simple. It is inspired and you must push this idea forward: Ensugn article, Book, Mormon message, Etc… I hope it’s ok if I share part of this in my talk in church tomorrow..? I will reference you and your blog. Thank you Thank you….
I’ve read several comments that say something about speaking to the hearts of mothers. I’m not a mother. I’m not even married. lol. But this speaks to everyone. I have shared this with many friends who are lonely, sad, struggling, and down on themselves….men and women, single and married. Thank you for the well thought out and carefully constructed post. An amazing job.
Thank you for sharing these thoughts. I was led here by someone who posted this post to facebook. I’m going to be thinking about and processing your message (it’s actually the Lord’s message) for some time. Where did we learn to so effectively criticize and beat ourselves up? Why do we do it so much? If we celebrate our good choices as drops of awesomeness, what becomes of our not-so-good choices? (answer: the “bitter cup” that Christ drank the dregs of, see 3 Nephi 11:11). I think it is my pride that wants to suffer myself rather than let Christ take the burden, even though He already has. It’s like suffering silently to ourselves, wanting to ask for help but not doing so because we want to feel “tough” or noble.
There’s lots more treasure left to mine here…