This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
I came across this on my Facebook home page today, read it, and gasped!
The last few days I’ve been “on top of things”, so to speak. And you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve told myself “This won’t last”, “Remember the last time you felt this way. You will mess up again”, etc.. And then a similar thought to yours popped in my head, and I fought back with “But you are doing it now. And “now” is what matters.” I had never thought that way before.
And then, today came along. It was like I’ve been led to your post, because today I did fail. All didn’t go to plan. Today I failed yet again. And then I felt that bucket pour on me as I read about it, and was touched. Thank you for helping me hold on, stay positive, and focus on my “drops of awesome”. You were truly inspired! 🙂
Thank you! This is so true and exactly what every woman needs to hear:) Thanks for sharing.
This is just AWESOME! More drops of awesome for you for posting this! :)))))
Thank you! I stumbled across this on facebook today. One of my friends posted it, and put in CAPS “ALL MOMS NEED TO READ THIS!” Reading this today has been an answer to prayer. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Keep being awesome! 🙂
When I go on Facebook and see my friends, who have no personal connection to you, sharing a link to an amazing blog and I can say, “Yeah. She’s my cousin.” That is pretty awesome. Thank you for sharing your amazing thoughts and talents. This was an inspired post.
I can’t even explain to you how much I needed to hear this today, and for a long time. Thank you so very much for this truly inspired post! I’m sure this post has touched many, but I can assure you that I was one of the reasons you were meant to post this. In fact, I may just print it out and put it by my bed so I can read it often, just to remind myself that I am a great mother/wife/daughter/friend/etc., even if I’m not 100% perfect all the time. All the time doesn’t matter. This time does.
I too came across this on Facebook, and love the scripture you quoted. I am a wood Carver and that exact scripture came to mind as one small chip at a time, my block of wood, would change and become a Master piece. Funny thing is that when my carving is almost done the chips are barely enough to call a chip. Thanks for inspiring me to do more and live in my ” awesomeness”. What I needed today, thanks for sharing.
My sister emailed this blog post today. It made her cry. This reminded me of one of my all time favorite poems/
Little drops of water
Little drops of water,
little grains of sand,
make the mighty ocean
and the beauteous land.
And the little moments,
humble though they may be,
make the mighty ages
of eternity.
Little deeds of kindness,
little words of love,
make our earth an Eden,
like the heaven above.
So our little errors
lead the soul away,
from the paths of virtue
into sin to stray.
Little seeds of mercy
sown by youthful hands,
grow to bless the nations
far in heathen lands.
Glory then for ever
be to God on high,
beautiful and loving,
to eternity.
Julia Carney, 1845
I’m not a mom, but I needed this also. You captured in a beautiful way how the Atonement can and does fill our lives. Oh, if I/we can just remember this!
This is great! I can relate to this and I am not a mom. I am also very excited to share this with my mommy friends!
This was exactly what I needed to hear when a friend forwarded it to me! I had been feeling inadequate but really, I do have MOMENTS where I have drops of awesome, and I’ve found that as I recognize them, they increase – yea! Then there’s the atonement, and that just takes care of the rest – how wonderful! Thank you for pointing this all out so beautifully, and for the lovely “Drops of Awesome” catchphrase!
Totally needed this today. Thank you for putting this out there to lift others up. Perfect!
Thank you. I needed this today.
I am sobbing. My heart is so full of hurt and disappointment. Thank you
Wow. Just, wow. You just lifted my day out of “horrible day full of self-loathing” status into “I’m kind of awesome” status. This post is a huge splash of awesome! Thank you.
I work as a Marriage and Family Therapist. One of my main goals in working with my clients is to help them understand that just because they are not a perfect person they can still have moments of happiness and contentment in their lives. I try and teach them to look for these moments and that every day is a new day. I think from now on I’ll use your description of “Drops of Awesome” to help my clients understand that just a bit better. Thanks for the great post!
I really needed this! You have added a BIG DROP OF AWESOME by sharing this with all of us 🙂
Wow. Your post so resonated with me. I love how you brought the Atonement front and center. As a mom, I feel inadequate so often and I forget (or get distracted or tired) to let Him fill my bucket. Thank you for your sincerity and for your testimony. I needed it today.
My sister posted this on facebook and it is so perfect. As woman we are always beating ourselves up. This was so nice to hear. I think Satan does a good job of cutting us down until we can’t give at the level we were meant to give. I love your lesson with the YW about adding the water, the Atonement. Amazing! Thank you for sharing. This is just what women all over need to hear, especially me. I related so much to so many things you said, like stepping over the wrapper. Thank you!
Thank you so much for this Drop of Awesomeness! Thank you, thank you, thank you! As women it’s so easy to get down on ourselves, which is not what Heavenly Father wants. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to not have all the answers at once; it’s okay to take things one step at a time. I really needed this. Thank.You.
Truly awesome!!!!. Thanks a lot. You made my day…
Im so glad i saw my friends post. Truly inspiring. I talk about life in general on my blog along with special moments with my family. I felt like this post reinspired me. Thank you i look forward to following your blog.
Wonderful! Great post. I have had it recommended by several people and just read it. Thanks so much. I am awesome. 🙂
Wow, thank you so much for this wonderful insight. If being self depreciating was an olympic sport I would be a gold medalist. Thank you for helping me realize this is no way to live and I really can change such damning and hurtful behavior. What an inspiration! thank you for sharing this.
Thank you so much! I really needed to hear every word of that!
A friend emailed this to me yesterday but it didn’t say what blog it came from. Then tonight another friend posted the link to your blog attached to it to Facebook. I am so glad to have the opportunity to tell you how amazing this is. I forwarded this on to my grown daughters and daughter in law. All women need to read and re-read this. I printed it off so that I can. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us all.
This is WONDERFUL and very similar to something my mom and sisters and I started doing. We realized that we always have lists of things we need to get done and at the end of the day instead of giving ourselves credit for what we accomplished, all we can see is our never-ending list of what still needs to be done. I, personally, was having trouble feeling happy and fulfilled as a mom. So we each bought a cute journal and every day we write down what we did do!–whatever was an accomplishment for me for that day. Some days I write down lots of things like folding laundry, making phone calls, bringing dinner to a neighbor etc. But some days, and I think these are the days i need it most, the most I can manage are things like–I got out of bed. I fed my kids. I made it through another day without selling my kids to the gypsies! I give myself credit if I resist negative thoughts about myself and I keep a tally next to that for every single time I resist that negative thought through out the day. I have truly come to believe that this is the way the Lord sees us. At the end of the day, he is not thinking, “I’m really disappointed you didn’t get your dishes washed.” No. He is looking at all the things we DID do! It truly has been a life changing experiment for me because it has helped me see myself the way the Lord sees me. It has helped me see my role as a mother as something important when I write down, “took care of my children by feeding them.” “Made my daughter laugh.” “took advantage of a small teaching moment” or “created a little corner of cleanliness in my bedroom.” Thank you for your post it has been a great reminder to me about why doing this is so important!
Wow. I was resonating with this post all the way through (and actually paused to go pick up that blue crayon that’s been living under my couch. Awesome!!) And then I got to the imagery of pouring the Atonement pitcher. I had a chill run up my body, and a feeling whisper to my heart: this is true.
Thank you for sharing this wisdom. You have blessed my life. Now I must go ponder….
I found this on facebook too like some of the other people above. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!! It has been very inspiring!!
What a great post! My husband is a mission president in Argentina and I am excited to share this with the missionaries at zone conference. Thank you. Something fun for me is that your husband went to school with my daughter! Small world!
Starting now this guilt-ridden, struggling mother of 4 young boys, who thinks she’s the crappest mum on earth is going to start counting her drops of awesome.
Thanks.
Thank you, thank you. I so needed to hear this. My good mommy moments are often ruined by my thoughts of why I’m not always that good. I will now strive to find joy in those moments instead of having my good choices end in guilt over not being better.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing this. I’m so grateful for your insight and your willingness to share your thoughts. I started reading this and started crying because it’s like you’re in my head. I am going do this and teach my girls to start telling themselves they are awesome and not to get down on themselves.
THANK YOU for sharing your beautiful thoughts! Your obvious caring, kind, and loving nature in posting this is a WHOLE BOWL of AWESOME! You have cheered me up (not that I was even down!), you have inspired me, and, in turn, I will share your post with my staff, my clients (young adults with mental health issues),and my friends in the hopes of inspiring THEM. If you haven’t heard about it, check out The Nurtured Heart Approach…..you my find it inspiring as well! God bless you for sharing your Awesome with the rest of us! =)
Wow! This is just what I needed today! It’s like a lightbulb just turned on in my mind and now I really understand! Thank you so much for sharing this.
Drops of AWESOME: truly a blessing to hear such great wisdom. I had just finished praying; asking for some help with a couple things that were giving me a good struggle. I never look at my phone at night and check messages, especially after praying, but this particular time I did for some reason. As soon as I began reading this email, I felt a great outpouring of love from my Heavenly Father 🙂 What a blessing to be reminded that despite my struggles, I’m still awesome in the sight of the 🙂 I will improve my vision to see the drops of awesomeness that happen in my life 🙂 Thank you for listening to the inspiration you received and sharing this message with all of us! Much appreciated 🙂
Sobbing…..thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’m so grateful to you for having no fear in sharing the truth that our Heavenly Father gave you in that moment! I will look at my life in such a different way now! We all have experiences in our lives that give us more truth and knowledge about who we were created to be, and sharing those helps others to find it within themselves. Thank you again for sharing that amazing and much needed light with the world!
Kathryn,
Thank you for reminding me of what I learned 22 years ago. . . I, too, spent a year letting the truthfulness of this sink into my heart…I just couldn’t believe it….how could I be “awesome” if all that I didn’t do was still NOT DONE??!! But it finally went from my head, to my heart and I felt the Lord’s love change me, change my thoughts, and I began to change my actions and began to love myself and The Lord even more. But old habits die hard, and I returned to my former “emotionally nag and beat myself into submission” behaviors, as if I were some deeply evil person who had no ability to do anything “good” unless whipped into it. I mean, “Come 0n, if I don’t whip myself I might start wearing black leather mini skirts to Church!”…..That perfectionism thing is brutal, and stan (Satan, if you type really fast emailing your children, …and he doesn’t deserve to have his name capitalized anyway….) is the author of those “Perfection or Nothing” types of thoughts. Believing those negative things is the how we drive a wedge between ourselves and the truth about who and whose we are. I am so very grateful you wrote and posted this, and so grateful my 29 year old eldest daughter, mother of my two grandgirls, and an Editor, so I realize I have MANY run on sentences in here, sent me the link, pretty much saying “Mom, I told you, you were an awesome Mom…”. My five children have told me this, over and over, and yet I have continued to brow beat myself, even though I learned this 22 years ago myself. This is what I have realized…
Alma 32:38 But if ye neglect the tree, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.
39 Now, this is not because the seed was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your aground is barren, and ye will not nourish the tree, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.
This scripture applies to so many things and in this particular “thing”
loving yourself is the tree, repeatedly telling yourself the truth is the nourishment, and by refusing to tell ourselves the truth everyday and not praying because “We are not good enough”, we are pretty much saying “NO, I am not a good enough tree, I am not tall enough, or have enough leaves, or green enough, I do not deserve water, don’t water me until I am good enough…..!!!” We keep ourselves from the “nourishment” we need to grow and become. We scorch and wither ourselves because we deny the truth and make ourselves barren by refusing to nourish ourselves, or believe the truth. And stan wants us to believe this, why? Because when we do believe, we have POWER to overcome him and his minnions….
Thank you so much, for this reminder….at 52, today, I begin again to believe the truth.
Betsy
fyi, My middle name is Kathryn, (“spelt with a K”…!) and I live in the southeastern corner of Washington State.
Ditto to all the above!! I just wanted to share my thanks for following your feelings and posting such an inspiring story and insights. What a perfect perspective to have going into a new year with new resolutions…to be more aware of all the little awesome/joyful moments in our daily lives:)
THANK YOU!!! This post is exactly what I needed today.
This is just what I needed… Thank you! You have brought me to my knees. (in a good way). Your message has caused deep thought and personal reflection. It has opened my heart allowing me to feel my Heavenly Father’s love!
On a lighter note… It makes me think of the Special K commercial that only says positive words of encouragement 🙂
http://spwchannel.shootonline.com/2012/01/26/special-ks-scales/
Wow!!! Two friends told me about this – they knew I needed your message! Thank you so much for posting this!
I think you deserve a Drop of Awesome for every person you inspired with this post! What a wonderful read! Thanks for sharing.
You do not know me and I came across this post today on FB. It was exactly what I needed to hear today and it honestly touched me in a way you could not imagine. I am an LDS mom to 4 young children with a husband working full time and doing his MBA at night. Most days I feel like I am failing all over the place and berate myself constantly for those short-comings. THANK YOU for this post and for the message it contains. I am going to print that scripture and keep it where I can see it to remind myself of the DROPS OF AWESOME!
Bless you for posting this. You were truly inspired and have shared profound and essential truth that I often catch glimpses of and then forget. This was a perfect and timely reminder of how the Lord sees and credits our efforts and that joy is possible in the little things, in spite of our imperfections. Thank you for taking the time to follow your inspiration to share this now. It has obviously been and will continue to be a great blessing to many.
Thank you so much for this post. I came across this on Facebook just now and I really needed it 🙂 Thank you
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I needed this today! Thank you!
Wow! I have been doing the exact same
thing to myself for a while. I do one little thing only to put myself down for not doing more or doing it better. THANK YOU!! I have lots of drops of awesome that I really need to start recognizing! I really needed that!
That post felt like a great big hug!