This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
Thanks for sharing this Kat. I needed to hear it today.
Oh my. This post is full, FULL, of drops of awesome. What a great image. What a great lesson. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks Allysha!
I love this perspective and I’m so glad you shared it. Thank you for spreading drops of awesome…we should all feel blessed and happy for all that we DO accomplish. Happy holidays to you and your family!
Happy Holidays to you too!
i have tears in my eyes. all those things said i want to tell everyone everyday!…thanks for sharing and i am going to share little drops of awesome with everyone!
Thanks for this response Val. You are such a boost and an inspiration to me.
This was amazing. Thank you so much!
I’m so glad it spoke to you too!
Beautiful post. We all need to remember this. I think it is especially true this time of year. Focusing on the positive isn’t always easy. It’s the negative things we cling to, unfortunately. But your “Drop of Awesome” puts it into such a manageable framework. Even I can do this!
And I do love the quote from the Book of Mormom: “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass”. Definitely something to think about.
You are awesome Sabrina. Thank you!
Wonderfully said. Thanks for sharing your inspiration.
I’m so glad it wasn’t just for me!
Beautiful. I especially loved the object lesson you shared with the girls with the droppers and the pitcher of Atonement. We should do that one in Relief Society more often. How about every Sunday. Oh, or they should do it before they pass the sacrament each Sunday. Maybe I’m getting a little irreverent here, but I really think that concept is one we miss a LOT when it comes to the atonement.
We think “by grace we are saved, after all we can do” means we have to fill up the bowl at least to the brim before the pitcher comes in. But the beautiful part of the atonement is that we can put two or three measly drops in the bottom of the bowl, and the atonement can still fill us to overflowing.
I love these thoughts. Thank you for sharing with me. Yeah. I think the “after” part of that trips a lot of people up. I always tell my girls that it really means “with” because He’s with us all along.
SO grateful to have seen this today. So grateful you are my friend! I was just talking to a friend today about only doing the necessities during difficult times but hadn’t thought that I was adding to my bucket of awesomeness. Glad to know I was! Thanks for the change of perspective.
You are my blessing today. Total Drop of Awesome.
Thank you for letting me know.
Kathryn, this is an inspired post. I know you already know that. Thank you for sharing this with the world.
I need to share this with my wife, awesome insights!
Please do!
I can really relate to that negative self-talk and constant worry that I’m not good enough – so I’m so inspired by your post and looking forward to noticing my drops of awesome tomorrow!
I know they’re there!
You are awesome… And not just a drop, either!
Thanks Dad!
Amazing. You need to write a book. This has great power.
🙂
Cannot tell you how much I need this… Today and every day. Single mommy of 4 who feels like she drops the ball every. single. day. Thank you for the beautiful reminder that when I am willing, when I try, I am enough (as long as I remember to include my Savior!) May you be blessed for rising up and shining forth! 🙂
I am so glad this resonated with you. Thank you so much for letting me know.
I just asked my daughter if she remembered this lesson and in her teenage language she replied, “Yes, that was like the best lesson ev-er!” Thanks for teaching us ladies and our daughters too 🙂
She is so great. Love her.
Whoa. It’s like I’m in “Being John Malkovitch” but instead it’s you wandering into my head! I know those nasty thoughts far too well. I love the “Drops of Awesome.” I’ll have to try that. 🙂
In a way, I’m relieved to hear I’m not the only one with these thoughts. At the same time, we all sure need to stop it. Try saying it in your head. Literally. DROP OF AWESOME. Every time you do something good. It is such a perspective changer.
I should just read your posts instead of seeing my counselor. Thank you so much for this post and your one on light. And thank you for the big, fatty drop of awesome you helped me put in my bowl, just for reading. You are incredible with your insights. Thank you.
Love you Fawn!
Drops of Awesome sauce! Thank you for the imagery! It’s hard to remember that you are doing your share, and He fills you up the rest of the way with His love through the Atonement!
I tried to “reply” on my husband Geoffrey’s comment, so you would know that he really did share this with me. 😉
I cannot describe the depth and breadth of the chord that this struck with me! I needed this SO bad in my life right now! I wake up in the morning already discouraged about what I didn’t get done the day before and what I’m sure I won’t get done today. How sad is that?! I am in Young Women and as soon as you described the way you used this in a lesson, I knew I needed to do it, too! I have shared this with my sisters and sisters-in-law and my Moms and I’ll tell you what I told them… If I could inject this idea into the psyche of every discouraged woman, what a wonderful world this would be!!
Thank you for taking the time to write this so beautifully. I really, really needed to hear it. And I’m pretty sure (as I sit here all teary) that this will be the thing that works for me. If I can only remind myself even when it’s really hard or the drops are really tiny. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!!
Love,
Diana
A Mom to 5 crazy kids, one with her arms full of disabilities <3
This is an awesome perspective. I think that my YW will really relate to this and understand it. Definitely going to share. Thank you for your insight!!!
Thank you for sharing!
Yes. An idea I’ve lived on for quite a while–but you put it in such a memorable way. Esp. as my kids’ favorite self-descriptor is “awesome.” Drops of Awesome.
Very cool.
The fact that I’m crying means I really needed to read this, right? Love this perspective. Love, love, love.
Kimberly! I’ve missed you. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who needs this.
Thank you. Thank you for waiting to publish this post until I really, really needed it. I can relate to this all to well.
Thank you for making my holiday season a little brighter and for filling it with some drops of awesome! 2013 (and the rest of 2012) is going to be better!
Merry Christmas!
It’s been too long. Thank you for checking in and sharing that. Have a wonderful Christmas, one drop at a time!
I came here on reference of one of your other readers, and you know? I needed this. I had one of those days today, and I needed to be reminded of this.
Thanks.
Loved this post, and I’m using that drops of awesome idea with my young women!! Thank you, it is perfect. I hope I get to meet you at a multi-stake activity some time, hooray for Seattle.
It *has* been way too long, but I do enjoy reading your blog and checking in … we need another blogging get together 🙂 !!
Thanks again for this masterpiece!
P.S. I tried to reply to your reply, but I kept getting an error message.
Drops of Awesome = oil in your lamp!! 🙂
And never forget… not only are you filling your lamp, you are keeping your refill bottle filled up as well, ready and waiting.
Thank you!
Thank you for this. I really needed this tonite. I loved the Atonement application!
I want to quickly tell you my story: 2 years ago, I got a chronic illness. It has been hard to live in pain every.single.day. I’m not the same wife and mother I used to be. My house is always a mess. I’m cranky often, and it takes all my will power just to “function.” Literally, my life has been changed. Sometimes I find myself lying in bed, comparing my life now to how it used to be, and the guilt literally eats me alive. I tend to focus on the things I don’t do anymore… But gosh! darn it! I’m an amazing woman! I got up today. I went to 2 class parties and had fun! I taught my Cub Scout group today. I put each of my kids into bed individually tonite. I waited up for my husband to return from work so we could talk (that’s why I’m up so late). And I fnished the rest of my Christmas preparations! Those are all drops of AWESOMENESS!! The stuff that didn’t get done, like the laundry, dishes, and vacuuming, don’t matter.
Thank you! Thank you! I’m going to remember this and focus on it HARD the next little while! I’m going to focus on all the GOOD I’m doing and stop comparing myself to who I used to be. ‘Cause I deserve it!!
This post hit me right in the heart tonight. I am more than a little surprised to see the way I think and twist good things to a negative thing written out by someone else. It makes me feel less crazy, more willing to try, and like I’m not the only one who thinks in these kinds of patterns. Thank you for this.
This is one of the most profound things I have read in a long time. Thank you.
Kathryn – that was beautifully written and touched me, so very real. I will be sharing these amazing words of wisdom. Thank you.
Love you. Thanks. Awsome. As usual. 🙂
Wow. Just wow! When I started reading, I felt like I was reading about my own life. My son has got up, got himself ready, got breakfast and got to the bus stop for quite some time now. And I always tell myself the most horrid things. Things I would NEVER dream of saying to another person, but have no hesitation saying to myself. I appreciate this perspective that our decisions in the moment showcase who we are. Just as God sees us, we need to see ourselves. TRYING! ATTEMPTING! STRIVING! I want to print this off and read it EVERY DAY! =)
Oh, this is so wonderful. Absolutely wonderful, and beautifully thought out as well. Kathryn, I don’t know if you’ve ever read our books or our blog, but you might consider sharing some of your words by submitting a personal essay over at Segullah. I think you might be a good fit for us, and I know that we need some of your kind of awesome! 🙂 Hope it’s a wonderful day-Heather B
I am so grateful to have stumbled across this today. I suffer from fibromyalgia, a chronic illness, and thinking of my “drops of awesome” for each day really helps me feel better about the days where I can’t do much. I just spoke on Sunday about the Atonement and I really loved your analogy. You can read my talk here:
http://thewifelylife.blogspot.com/2012/12/my-wonderful-younger-brother-kyle-is.html
Thanks for making my day better 🙂
I couldn’t be any happier to be doing the ‘ugly cry’ right now…thank you for these words. I believe they will change my life.
PS-And I’m wearing a bra under the pajamas I wore to take my boys to school, Drop of Awesome! 😉
Thank you so much for sharing! This is an inspiring post. Every mom needs to hear this. I need to print out a Drops of Awesome picture and hang it on my mirror to remind me everyday!
thanks for this 🙂 it not only uplifted me and pushed me forward, but it made me feel not so alone. you put into words what i experience every day… the constant nagging of satan telling me i am not awesome. now i am off to fill my bucket 🙂
xo
In a lesson I got to give a while ago I ran across the phrase, “Charity is Eternal.” Now, I know they say that families can be eternal and the attonement is eternal and there is eternal life, but just how is charity eternal? Then, it occured to me. Anyting stupid, rude, or just not quite up to par we do in this life is covered by the attonement. At some point the consequences for that moment will cease, there is an end. But, in those moments I choose charity as my response, there is not need for an attonement for that act. Those consequences continue, the ripples expand. The fruit of that labor is your to keep, to reflect upon, to share, to cherish for eternity. That’s what eternity is made of, eternal charity. Keep on dropping Awesomeness!
This is something I have been thinking about lately–very well-said. I think Satan is the one who doesn’t want us to feel awesome when we do something right–don’t let him win 😉
I love these thoughts you shared, Thank You! As women, the world tells us that we are never enough. It’s time that we quit listening to the world and listen instead to our God who loves us infinitely and stands ready to pour out that atonement pitcher. For that I am so grateful. Thanks for your insightful words!..I have a new mantra now…Awesome drops 🙂
Darling Kathryn. You have shared this insight with me before and yet I still cried when I read it. This is truly inspired and uplifting. I love you for sharing something that is a light in the world. You are a gift in my life.
I can’t tell you how many nights I go to bed crying because of how much (i feel like) I stink as a mom/wife/friend etc. Thank you so much for this post. I hope next time I feel like a crummy mom for missing scripture study, or going to bed with a dirty kitchen that this post will come to mind. So glad a friend shared this on Facebook.
This made me tear up. You are most definitely not alone and you are enough.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts . There are so many times when I have felt like this. It’s nice to know I am not alone, and maybe be able to give myself a break once in awhile.
oh wow. my mother-in-law sent this to me. i’ve got 4 little kids and it seems i never have enough time to get it all done. i hadn’t even realized that this is what i’ve been doing! you totally hit the nail on the head. you put into words the things the Holy Ghost has been trying to tell me for years. printing this off to put where i can see it daily. can’t thank you enough!
You are so welcome. Thank you for sharing a little of your story with me!
Love this– thank you!!
Kathryn, when I started blogging in 2008, I started following yours, and I think maybe I made my first comment ever after a post you wrote about cutting your bangs at church. Anyway, this is the most powerful post you’ve ever written, and it totally resonates with the thoughts and feelings that I’ve been taught as I’ve really tried to study motherhood in depth. Thank you for putting beautiful words on a message that is so important for us to remember and understand.
Thanks Steph. I gravitate more towards the haircut in church types of posts but this one really felt like it needed to be written. Thank you so much for telling me it meant something to you.