St. Patrick’s Day Non-Proliferation Treaty

Dear Parents and Leprechauns of the World,
Stop the madness! Today I am begging you, BEGGING. YOU. To stop this senseless St. Patty’s escalation and let the rest of us get back to our old traditions of making green pancakes and wearing a button that says, “Kiss Me! I’m Irish!”

Why are you all making it so hard for me to live up to the expectations of Leprechaun Mania? So a couple of years ago they turned the milk green. Now they’re leaving gifts, candy, new green clothes, actual pots of GOLD for the children???? When will it end?

Laylee comes home and tells me about all the insane gifts being enjoyed by her other friends on this day of days and wonders why the Leprechauns hate our family so much. Maybe it’s because I refuse to create one more holiday of needless, money-wasting, gift-giving insanity. Maybe it’s because I’m heartless. (I think it’s the first reason.)

I mean, come on. Pretty soon we’re gonna be doing scavenger hunts on Flag day where you have the chance of finding A NEW CAR – compliments of the flag fairy or kids will be expecting money under their pillows left on President’s Day Eve by the ghosts of their favorite dead presidents. If Benjamin Franklin thinks you’ve been good this year, you get a hundred. (Okay Rebecca! He wasn’t a president but he’s on money and I’m Canadian so what’re you gonna do?)

COME ON! Join me today in a holiday non-proliferation agreement. Do we need a magical gift-bearing mascot for every blinking day of the year? What about the Solstice Gnome or the Green Earth Day Gomer? Make it stop. Only you can help prevent my daughter bawling her brains out because even though she left out a long note and a monetary offering to the leprechauns, they left her nothing but some green milk in the fridge and today sucks – it sucks and it “doesn’t even feel like St. Patrick’s Day.”

“Maybe we need to make our own magic,” I suggested.

She’s not buying it… because all the other kids are going to show up to school with heavy-laden pack mules bearing their bounteous leprechaun harvest and I’m the one who pays the price.

Love, Sincerely,
The Grinch Who Stole St. Patrick’s Day and is Proud of It

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37 Responses to St. Patrick’s Day Non-Proliferation Treaty

  1. allysha says:

    I live in your universe and I feel your pain. My kids feel Laylee’s pain, too. I think things are over-commercialized, over sugar-ized, and plain overdone. Solidarity, Sister! We may just save the world. 🙂

  2. As far as I know, my kiddo’s friends have not been visited by the leprechauns…but maybe I’m just living in ignorance and I’m going to get an earful about our lack of holiday spirit when she comes home from kindergarten today.

  3. Erin says:

    Holy cow. My kids should feel lucky that I made them a jello poke cake with revolting melon jello (melon sounded slightly less nasty than lime). I also dyed their milk green. I like to go overboard for these occasions. Ha!

    If my kids want gifts from the Leprachauns they’ll have to pray for a rainbow and a pot of gold, cuz this mama isn’t buying it. 🙂

  4. Mary says:

    How crazy! My kids aren’t in school yet, so we haven’t been exposed to that kind of over-done St. Patrick’s day. But when the kids were getting ready for preschool, I remembered the date and had them wear green – my daughter kept saying, “but why would someone pinch me?” And we’re having green jello with dinner. That’s about as festive as this day needs to be!

    Even as a girl with an Irish maiden name, I have no idea why it is made such a big deal of.

  5. Mrs Lemon says:

    Irish descent and proud of it … but even I forgot to wear green. May my dead grandpa not roll over in his grave, but I’m good with just green pancakes. No gold necessary.

  6. Keri-Ann says:

    Really? I had no idea people were going that far. Uh oh… our house just has green milk… and Joseph wore his “Renew Reuse Recycle” shirt ’cause it is the only thing he has that is green. Maybe it would help to say the leprechauns only visit the kids who eat all their corned beef and cabbage? (And since I know my kids wouldn’t touch it anyway I’m not going to bother making it.) 😀

    I like the Presiden’t Day Eve idea though… Mr. Franklin can come leave a gift under MY pillow!

  7. MeganD says:

    I was at Fred Meyeres at 10pm last night and a guy in front of me was buing $80 worth of green shirts for his family. Including a onsie for a newborn. REALLY? $80 on just shirts for a minor holiday. what the heck?

  8. Keyona says:

    I refuse to do any of those crazy things. I thought about the green milk thing but got tired during the planning phase. Hey at least I put a green shirt on her. Ok, green-ish.

  9. Jeana says:

    I’m with you. Our St Patty’s Day celebration consisted of a short conversation in the car: “Oh yeah, it’s St Patrick’s Day. I’m not wearing green. Don’t pinch me. Or your sister.”

    There’s no way I could stomach the green milk thing, after a joke I heard in elementary school that makes me gag to this day if I think about it.

  10. Pretty says:

    I don’t know. I think people who LOVE St. Patrick’s Day should be able to celebrate it as much as they like. I don’t have any desire to join the insanity, but I don’t feel the need to regulate it, either. I feel Laylee’s pain (when I was growing up we were the only kids on the block who were routinely ignored by the Easter Bunny) but I also know that it’s not going to kill her. She (and you) will survive.

  11. Jill says:

    My husband unknowingly started a tradition in our house a few years ago and now my kids rate St Patricks Day right after Christmas but way ahead of Easter and Halloween. This morning he was complaining about a PTA meeting on St Patricks Day- “Who would schedule that?” I had to remind him that most of the world doesn’t consider it a major holiday. I used to be totally with you on St Patricks Day but after seeing how much fun the kids have with it, I would much rather trade in Thanksgiving. That’s just a day with too many dishes to wash as far as I can tell.

  12. Amy says:

    I can’t say anything better than you already did, so I’ll just say:


  13. jendoop says:

    Amen! My kids didn’t get green milk but I did help them find green clothes to wear so they wouldn’t get pinched. They looked at me like I was crazy. They don’t know about pinching because it’s against the school’s anti-bullying policy. What a crazy world we live in. Down with chocolate coins and up with pinching!

    For the record – most adults love this green day because it’s an excuse to get completely wasted – visit a bar tonight and all the beer is colored green. How’s that for perpetuating cultural stereotypes? Party On!

  14. Yoddler says:

    I haven’t gotten any complaints. I think Laylee must be like my daughter, who came home bawling, wouldn’t look me in the eye because the Student ASB cart came through her classroom and she had no money to purchase anything.
    “Did everyone in your class by something?”
    “Um…I didn’t notice…WHAAAAAaaaaa!”
    That’s right, you didn’t notice because you were too busy crying.
    Life isn’t fair…I say again and again…perhaps a little heartless of me.

  15. Kathy says:

    Seriously? Gift bearing Leprechauns? Wow, luckily this insanity has not hit our house. We’re only concerned with wearing green and maybe hiding it so we can pinch someone back. Good Luck!

  16. Andrea says:

    I’m all for having fun and decorating and eating something green, but totally agree that they don’t need more presents. I’ll join you.

  17. Emily says:

    Um…I forgot it was St. Patrick’s Day until I was at the store with my kids. Thankfully they are too young to know about the oversight. I am right on board with you though about the over-commercialization of all holidays. Good luck!

  18. Stephanie says:

    Yeah that’s rough. My kids don’t seem to mind, but when other people go over the top what do you do?

  19. Heffalump says:

    I think that if I have done enough laundry to ensure that my kids have something green to wear and don’t get pinched, then I have done enough.

  20. Emilee says:

    I am in TOTAL agreement with you on this! I was blindsided by the little green man last year and was disgusted parents are spending money on such an odd holiday. This year the little man over turned chairs and put the bar stools in the den–FREE mischief is all that works for me.

  21. craftyashley says:

    WHAT? Parents are making this into a gift-giving holiday? I put green shirts on the kids and called it good!

    I can’t believe how out of control some parents are! I am sure my kids will be whining about the injustices of our household compared to their friends a lot anyway. It’s just madness!

  22. Jess says:

    I don’t get St. Patrick’s Day either. I’m not Irish, Catholic, or a drinker, so we’re skipping. My oldest is 3 so she has no clue…yet.

    Though we are making rainbow cupcakes this week, but only because we’re up to letter R as we learn the alphabet.

  23. Vanessa says:

    Last night, (Yes, the night BEFORE St. Patrick’s Day) we were invited to a friend’s house and I realized I was in charge of treats. Which of course had to be festive. Blast. So I whipped together some frosting balls, rolled in cocoa powder (pre-schooler friendly,) in about ten minutes. Served them on a plate with chocolate sauce (found in the back of the fridge) and whipped cream (leftover from last weekend) and we called it “Potatoes in mud and snow: An Irish Winter.

    And that was our festivity of the year. Not a fleck of green. So delightfully dreary. I rather like it. Count me in, Kathryn!

  24. Allison says:

    I’m in the midst of trying to convince my kids that we don’t need to write letters to the Easter Bunny, so I’m really glad no one around here gets presents from leprechauns. And, honestly, that’s just really creepy anyway, when you think about it.

  25. Marian says:

    I’m with you! The Resistance is on the move… (Should we have T shirts printed up, artfully printed stationary, a snack sign up for our meetings and an elaborate point system for Resistance activities, and prizes for top scorers? : – P)

  26. cheetah says:

    I bought her socks when she was 3 and had gold werthers b/c I was craving them, but not since. We wear green and that is it. And even that is usually by accident.
    Today I was in a good mood and I may have even celebrated, but usually I curse the day and all like it. Just love each day b/c it’s another day to live. YOU DON”T NEED CELEBRATIONS!
    that will offend some people I know. 🙂

  27. Lindsay says:

    Love it! I’m with you on that. Green pancakes and a bit of talking in an Irish accent is plenty for me!

  28. Haha I didn’t know kids will get treats as well. Kisses sound better.

  29. Margaret says:

    The Solstice Gnome…heehee

  30. FawnDear says:

    Guilty – Please don’t tar and feather me but I Love St. Patricks’s Day and yes the leprechauns come to our home and leave a few little trinkets and treasures for the kids (but less than a shoebox full of stuff). And yes we eat Corned beef and cabbage.

    In my defense – The Easter Bunny has never made a stop at our home as we keep that holiday more religiously focused. So we don’t support the mad commercialism of that holiday.

    This way my kids still get some imaginative fun.

    P.S. I promise not to tell Laylee about Fairy Day (That’s my girls new favorite holiday). Yes I know I’m evil.

  31. Kitty says:

    And here I thought I was being such a good mom to even remember to put green clothing on my kid. Then I got on facebook and saw all sorts of comments and pictures of what people did for St Patty’s Day. Sheesh. I pulled the I’m Norweigan card and left it at that. Now my son will be delivering flowers to neighbors on May 1st for May Day.

  32. cbs says:

    I love St. Patrick’s Day, but mostly because my city loves it. Down here in New Orleans, we have 4 maybe 5 different parades celebrating St. Patrick’s for the Irish and St. Joseph’s Day for the Italians (yesterday). The parades throw cabbages, carrots, potatoes and other veggies so you buy your corned beef and go home to boil up the dinner you’ve just caught. It’s pretty fun and it means we don’t really have to do much celebrating at home since it’s taken care of for us. The last parade is tomorrow and combines the two. It’s super cheesy and tons of fun!

  33. Liz says:

    I totally agree! It’s out of control.

    I just found your blog through Mommy Blogs, and you are so entertaining to read. I signed up for your RSS.

    Thanks and have a great Sunday night.


  34. Rebecca says:

    Now, now, Kathryn, you should recall your social studies and remember that Benjamin Franklin was not a president, even if he is my favorite currency! But IA, I’m about as Irish as it gets, and I can’t bear to think what it’s going to be like by the time I have kids. :/

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