This post has been in my heart and on my mind for over a year now. I’ve talked about it. I’ve prayed about it. I’ve taught about it. I was waiting for the right time to post about it and now feels like that time. It’s a post about a tiny little moment that completely changed the way I see myself and others. As I think about it and act on what I learned, I find that I am changed in significant ways every single day.
It was a sunny school morning and I was walking Magoo to the bus stop. I don’t often walk him to the school bus. He’s in second grade and pretty independent and I’m usually busy getting myself and his sisters ready. I’m semi-nocturnal and I sleep later than I should most mornings.
When it’s time for school, he says goodbye and heads up the hill to the bus.
As we got half way to the bus, Magoo reached out and grabbed my hand in an uninhibited way that I knew wouldn’t happen many more times. He’s seven now but growing and how many 12-year-old boys do you see still swinging hands happily with their mommies?
I squeezed his hand, felt the rare Seattle sun on my face, and told him I loved him. I was nearly perfectly happy.
Nearly.
Just at that moment, the thought came into my mind, That’s awesome that you’re walking him to the bus stop and putting on this “mother of the year” act today. What about yesterday and the day before that? You hardly ever walk him to the bus. He’s probably holding your hand because he’s so desperate for the love and attention you haven’t been showing him.
My bubble had burst. I am a crap mom, I thought, as I looked down into his smiling face.
Then another thought came. Kathryn. What is wrong with you? You are being an awesome mom in this moment. Your child is happy. You are loving him and caring for him. He’s well fed and dressed. You’re walking to the bus stop in the early morning and you’re already wearing a bra for heck’s sake. Do not rob yourself of this moment’s joy because of what you failed to do yesterday or what you fear you might not do tomorrow.
This started me thinking of all the times I do something good while beating myself up for all the times I haven’t been perfect.
You’re worshiping in the temple? Woopty freakin do! How long has it been since you came here last? When are you likely to come again? You’re not good at this. This is a fluke.
Wow. So you cleaned the kitchen today. Want a cookie? That dirty rag has been on the counter for a week and those dishes you so righteously cleaned are from breakfast three days ago. You are embarrassing.
That was really nice of you to offer to watch your friend’s kids while she had surgery. Remember last week when you knew your neighbor was suffering from depression and you drove right by with a wave because you did not want to get sucked into the drama? You don’t really care about people. Not all the time.
How destructive are these kinds of thoughts?
As I said goodbye to Magoo and started to walk back home, my mind started to shift.
Drops of Awesome! I thought. Every time you do something good, something kind, something productive, it’s a drop in your Bucket of Awesome. You don’t lose drops for every misstep. You can only build. You can only fill.
I walked Magoo to the bus. Drop of Awesome!
I fed him fruit with breakfast. Drop of Awesome!
I told him I loved him. Drop of Awesome!
I wore a bra and brushed my teeth before schlepping it up that hill. Two Fat Drops of Awesome!
All day long I chanted these words in my head. I picked up that tootsie roll wrapper off the front porch instead of stepping over it for the eleventy hundredth time. Drop of Awesome! I unloaded one dish from the dishwasher when I walked through the kitchen on my way to the bathroom. Drop of Awesome! I texted my sad neighbor to say I was thinking about her. Drop of Awesome! I had a critical thought about one of my kids and I brushed it away and replaced it with love. Drop of Awesome!
When I started thinking about my life in terms of adding these little Drops of Awesome for every tiny act of good, I found that I was doing more and more of them because it’s a lot more fun to do good when you’re rewarded with joy, rather than being guilted about every failure in your past.
By the end of the day, I had realized something important. If I was spending time with my kids, really listening to them with attention in the moment, then I was a good listener, regardless of the 50 other times I’d brushed them off or multi-tasked while they were talking over the past week. If I was engaged in sincere prayer with my Heavenly Father, really communing with him and seeking his will, then I was a person who engages in sincere prayer, regardless of how my prayers were (or weren’t) yesterday and the day before that and the day before that.
As I added up these Drops of Awesome, I found that in those moments I actually became the person I had always wanted to be.
Have you ever said any of these things: “Well, I guess I don’t work out anymore,” because you missed one workout? Or, “I always fight with my brother. Our relationship is broken.” What about, “I’m kind of a nag to my spouse.” Or “I gossip and I always end up hurting people I love.” “I can’t stop spending money. We will never get out of debt.” “My house is always a disaster.”
These things are lies, depending on the next decision you make, the next Drop of Awesome you put in your bucket. You may have done these things or have a hard time with them but they don’t define you and you can change this very instant. You may not think you can change permanently but you can change the next choice you make. And as you change that one next tiny choice, you may think, I got this one Drop of Awesome but I may never be able to get another one again.
And that’s okay.
You made the right choice once. And in that moment you were the person you want to be and that is a triumph. For one night, you were a person who went to bed early. One morning you woke up and the first words out of your mouth were positive so you were a morning person in that moment. Bam! Drop of Awesome.
You do not need to wait three months to be who you want to be. Pick up ten things right now and say, “Drops of Awesome! I am someone who takes care of my house. That is who I am. I have proof.”
In the end, it’s really about allowing yourself to feel joy and allowing yourself to be proud of the small victories of life. This builds momentum and you want more drops in your bucket and when you don’t get as many, you pick yourself up and say, “What can I do next?”
Now, there are a whole lot of religious implications to this because, as a Christian, I believe that you are not the only one adding these Drops of Awesome to your bucket. Christ commanded us to be perfect, but through His atonement, He is with us every step of the way.
As an object lesson when I was teaching this to the teenage girls at church, I gave them each a small dropper and I put a 2-quart bowl on the table. I told them that throughout the lesson they would get the chance to put drops in the bucket for every Drop of Awesome they could think of that they’d done. I promised them that we would fill the bowl to overflowing by the end of the lesson.
With about 5 minutes to go, we had barely begun to fill the bowl and the girls were looking around at each other nervously. The promised overflow did not look likely. Were they not awesome enough?
At that point, I pulled out a large pitcher labeled ATONEMENT and poured water into the glass bowl until it was spilling out all over the table and the towel the bowl was resting on. The class went silent.
When we are in a relationship with Christ, striving as God’s sons and daughters to do His will, He pours more into our buckets than we can ever hope to imagine. He can fill us to overflowing with peace, with joy, with perfection, with Awesome. And then what do we do if our bucket is overflowing like that? Where does the Awesome go then?
I pulled out an identical bowl, twice the size of the original. Our capacity for joy and light increases. And we just keep working, one tiny drop at a time. And we don’t compare today’s drops to yesterday’s or tomorrow’s. And we live and we love and we repent when we do wrong and we allow ourselves to be glorious, beautiful, and dare I say perfect in Christ, children of God.
I believe in a God who loves us and roots for us and cheers for every Drop of Awesome we can manage. Our victories are His victories and He wants us to feel joy. Not later, when we no longer make mistakes, but right now.
I’m gonna close this uber long post out with a scripture from the Book of Mormon. I know many of you do not share my faith but I think you’ll find truth in these words:
“Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” (Alma 37:6)
Small and simple. Tiny drops. Go forth. Be Awesome.
The Drops of Awesome: You’re-More-Awesome-Than-You-Think Journal is now available from Amazon. Collect your drops!
I share your same faith, and this is great lesson for all of us moms to remember. There is a book at Costco, which is you same principle, about “buckets filled with love”.
Life changing post! Thank you for sharing! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
Wow. Thanks for this post. Tomorrow I’m going to start counting drops of awesome.
I am amazed by the talent of putting thoughts and feelings into words. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your courage to post this. We all have at some time thought of perfection as inobtainable. You have proved it here an obtainable goal. God said “man is that he might have joy”. He meant not only joy in Christ, but in ourselves, our posterity, our friends, our pets (Ilost one just days ago.), and in all that is part of this life.
Thank you for restoring my joy, as it had left me for a time. God Bless You.
Thank you for the gentle reminder, this motherhood thing is a total process some days are a breeze while other days I feel like I am drowning. Your love was so genuine for your children and for your Savior. God Bless you!
this is not for publication, but would just like to suggest that you submit this to the Ensign for the magazine. Shared with my yoga group and they all loved it as much as I did. Made a hard copy to keep in my scriptures as a reminder. Can’t wait to see it in print.
Kathryn, I’m a book publisher who focuses on content that can help families be happy. Discovered your blog and wonder if you’d be interested in sharing short articles about motherhood on Familius.com and possible discussing a book idea focused around your blog idea. Please let me know. I look forward to hearing from you.
This is awesome! You write wonderfully and I loved it! I will be sharing this with my 2 daughters one who teaches the Laurels in her ward and the other that is Activity Leader for the 8-9 year old girls in hers! Thank you so much for posting!
This post just changed my whole perspective on things right now…I am 15 and I am LDS like you. I do the same thing…I tried to imagine being one of the girls in your class as you poured that pitcher of water into the bowl. I was overcome by the Spirit and even though I never cry. I cried. Thank you so very much for posting this. I really needed this today.
Thank you for putting into words what I feel all the time. I found that positive thinking instead of the constant self doubt, changed me from a homebound, sick and tired individual, to a contributing member of my family and society. Add an attitude of gratitude to the drops of awesome and you’ve got a winning combination.
This concept of counting drops of awesome is very similar to what Hilary Weeks talks about with her clicker (see the story at billionclicks.org). I’m going to incorporate the two and count my drops of awesome on my clicker.
Thank you! This made me just a little ready-eyed this morning.
the more we see positive in ourselves, the more positive we become. And there is scientific evidence as published by Caroline Leaf in Who Switched off my Brain. So trust me. YOU can also change who You are in Christ by using this example. Great post. You should send it in.
Thank you. As I held my daughter last night as she sobbed to me about how hard her life is. I thought to myself this is your fault you have not done enough as her mother. I have not been able to shake this cloud that has hung over me the last 24 hours. I have felt worthless and hopeless as a parent. Thank you for reminding me who I am and that I am not alone and for reminding me of all I have done and been to her. Thank you for being brave enough to put this out there.
Absolutely LOVE your insights! If it is alright I would like to use your words of wisdom on my blog (linking back to you, of course). I want to remember and refer to your thoughts often!
Hi Kathryn,
I don’t even know you and just got a link for this post from my awesome sister-in-law. This is just what I needed to hear today. Thank you for writing this post. I have been pondering how to help my son feel good about himself and this is just perfect. I will teach it in our FHE today. Hugs.
Masha
Thank you so so so much for this today. I think this post of yours is probably an answer to many prayers and salve for the heartache that so many of us experience. Encouragement, motivation, divine inspiration.
Thank you for posting this. Was a huge answer to prayer today.
Thank you for sharing these wonderful thoughts and insights. It is something I needed to hear and to keep being reminded of. It seems easier to focus on the negative and to take more effort to look at the positive things. I think I’m going to make a visual reminder of your message so that I will always remember how awesome we each are!!
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YOU are awesome! What a wonderful post, and what a great, encouraging way to look at our everyday lives. I intentionally did not make any New Year’s resolutions this year, because I always “fail” by day 5 or 6 and feel like “well, this year’s another bust.” So this year I told myself that my only goal was to keep trying. If I can do that, even a little bit, every day, then I will slowly and gradually become a better person and accompish more of what’s important. This post just absolutely confirmed for me that I am on the right path with that way of thinking. I want to share this with everyone I know! Thank you so much for all your thoughts – and for the object lesson idea! I definitely see this being a family home evening in our near future. 😉
Thanks for for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and talents with so many! We have so much to grateful for because of our Savior! So many people especially women and mothers feel the same way that you described. I am excited to see your new book! AWESOME! Congrats!
This reminds me of a book, Putting on the Armor of God: Winning Your Battles with Satan by Steven Cramer. The adversary is whispering these lies in our ears, but we can choose to reject them, like you say in your post. It is good to see blogs that are uplifting. Thanks for sharing!
awesome! this helped me so much today!
I found your post through a link on Facebook, and though I don’t normally comment on complete strangers’ blogs, I just had to say thank you. I have been struggling with depression for a while, and every time I make an effort to change my thoughts, I’m overcome by my inadequacy. This post is truly an answer to prayer. Thank you for giving me a new way to think. I’m going to start my awesome drops right now!
I needed this so much today! I’ve been so down on myself lately…my ten year old is having some problems that I keep blaming myself for, (even though I know it’s not my fault), my house is always a mess…I’m always comparing myself to these ‘supermoms’ and feeling like I will never live up to the person I want to be. There’s always something more to be done and I’ve just been so overwhelmed. I’m so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who inspired me to click the link to this post, even though I normally skip over things like this when I see them on Facebook. And thank you for your thoughts. You will never know how much they were needed today.
Thanks for sharing the object lesson. I bet those girls will remember it for a long time!
I just wanted to say thank you. This was something that I needed to hear, and I didn’t even realize it. I am not a crier, but I cried, and I cried hard. I feel so incredibly moved and hopeful. It’s so easy to ignore the great things you’ve done because of the mistakes that you’ve made. Thank you so much for sharing.
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I’m a new convert to the LDS church and this is SUCH an awesome blog and really inspirational. Coming from a non-church background, I feel like all the other women in the church have so much more to give than I do, but I really recognize that I can make my own “drops of awesome” as long as I am striving to do better each and every day, and even when I make mistakes the atonement is there to lean on!
I ran across this link on another blog and clicked over. So glad I did, it’s exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you.
Beautiful post. I might just have to use this for my next RS lesson. Thank you.
I love the object lesson! So cool! I’m going to remember that one!
Great post.
Thanks for this post, my daughter shared it on facebook. Love it.
Beautiful reminder. I have struggled a lot with being “enough”. I don’t have kids yet. My husband constantly reminds me that he loves me, that I’m beautiful, that I’m x, y, and z. But I still beat down on myself because of my imperfections. I had to remind myself that the fact that I’m wanting to be better, is proof enough of my qualities-the fact that I care is admirable. The truth is (and I want a wall plaque): You are enough. I am enough. We are all enough-enough for our Savior’s love. Enough to be happy.
You’re on to something!! Inspired.
Thank you so much 🙂 I have been struggling with this alot lately. I hadn’t thought about it in this way but it puts life into perspective.
Great post. When I reposted on my FB, here’s what I wrote: First, I like anyone who says “for heck’s sake” in today’s world… Second she uses one of my favorite scriptures at the end. Third, the entire post is spot-on real, inspirational an excellent review of one of the grandest truths in the cosmos. Read this entire thing!
Also, anyone battling the ugly voices can benefit from subscribing to http://www.flylady.com. She will flywash your brain and you will love it! 🙂
Thank you!
Now I just have to figure out a way share this with our YW.
that is beautiful! Just think of how many prayers you have answered! Often our prayers are answered by other people in our lives, or reading a well-thought out and realistic blog. Thank you so much!
I really enjoyed this post and what it truly means for each and every human being. Thank you for you insight and thoughts. It really made my day.
I love this and needed to hear it right at this moment. THANK YOU.
Loved this !!!!!
Wish I could imbed the whole article in my mind for future comments with others in need of hearing.
This was just a beautiful post..and I am shlepping YOU on my blog roll…I want people to read you. God bless.
Thank you so much for the reminder that a good act today is not diminished by something we forgot to do or avoided yesterday. “Today I was a good mom” gives me more power to progress tomorrow than “boy I blew it last week!” Brilliant!
Thanx this was very uplifting. I hope it will be okay to share it with others if it be on a personal level or in a group. If not will you please let me know. Thanx again for these wonderful words.
My tears just flowed out while reading your blog. I am not alone, indeed! You have wrote down the feelings and experieces that I have and been struggling with.
I read the comments of others. Same with them, it is a great comfort and answer to prayer. I have seen this post before but I did not open it till today. A good timing.
I am grateful for the lesson and ecncouragement that you shared.
I would like to share this lesson with my girls in our activity days.
Thanks much and more power!!! YOU are AWESOME!!
Mary June
I have been thinking in these same terms as you lately!! I recently had another baby and felt like the worst mom for, what I feel, neglecting my other little ones. I have generally been an all or nothing person and have suffered from great depression because of it. Lately, and I have no idea why it took me this long to come to the realization, I looked at one of my little guys who didn’t realize I’d been feeling like a failure by not giving him enough of my attention as I feel he deserves, and he smiled up at me and nuzzled me and put his little arms around me and told me he loves me. I realized I could be a great mother to him in the moment and maybe it would be a moment he would remember and cherish…because I do feel that way about him even if I can’t always demonstrate it as effectively as I’d like to. Since then I have been noticing that I could talk positively to myself of all the good things I do and forgive teh slipups. I can start each day fresh with the goal to be the person I want but KNOW I will fall short in some way but to let it go, be the best me I can be in any moment, and just enjoy the journey as it happens and hopefully teach my boys to do the same! Well, what I guess I am trying to say here is thank you for this post!! I too am LDS and it is really what I needed to hear from another right now. Thank you for sharing and for the described activity, it brought it home to me!! <3